I thought I would feel so elated today. So triumphant, air-punching, yeeeeeeees. But no.
Instead, I feel utterly spent. I'm so weighed down and drowning. Had the WORST day yesterday, involving writing quotes and invoices for Mr TC from morning till 11pm. Trying to mind Monkey. Cook dinner. Mr TC tells me how to WRITE, so we have the biggest, nastiest argument. In front of the baby. Nice.
Then, I apologise. Then, he goes out last night to play footy ..... he now plays footy, soccer, and goes out to a regular Monday dinner. Which means, he is not here Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Do you think that's fair? Because I don't. Especially when I'm trying to cook dinner every night, help Tiger with his homework, and put the baby to bed. (Baby screamed for three hours last night! Right on! Mr TC walked in, sweaty from his game, just as Monkey finally fell asleep. I was a jangly mess with a nervous tic ... Mr TC goes "Hey hon! What's for dinner? Mmmmmm, schnitzel!") After refraining from shoving schnitzel up his arse, I told him in NO uncertain terms that it was not fair he goes out so much.
Blah. Mr TCs comeback was that I was the one who wanted the baby in the first place, why should it interfere with his plans.
Today I (SHOCK!) have not organised dinner yet! The kitchen sink will stay exactly how he and stepson left it this morning! I keep telling them I am not their slave ... I am NOT nanna! But the house is my job, I do all the house things, I do writing things. I do a lot.
Today I feel awash with the years heartache. It's been so terribly hard. I danced to Pink on my iPod in front of Monkey and made him smile. Tonight I will take Tiger to his school Halloween disco. I'm planning my next tattoo.
Tonight, there is also a school reunion of sorts, near where I live. It's being held at a pub.
Apparently I fucked half the bar staff and most of the clientele there, so I probably won't go.
Although, given the mood I'm in, I'm likely to go and DARE someone to say something to me.