A Bit Better. And Bitter.

Last night, we went out to dinner with some friends. They have two kids and she is pregnant with her third - conceived on the pill. She rubbed her belly the whole night, which shocked me .... by how much it pissed me off. Also .... I joined a "Belly Buddy Due Date" forum thread - I tried, I really did. But I couldn't stand the "oh my God, my hubbie sneezed and now I'm 1 day pregnant, let's all share baby names! Like, wow, totally!!" Ummm - not for me. Part of that is due to my character - I'm quite a prickly pear IRL anyway. But, interesting to note my sadness/bitterness at wanting to fall pregnant for three years is still there, even with a tiny embryo on board.

My morning sickness is an office worker - clocks on at 9am, then works all day till knock off time at 5pm. Usually it does overtime too. I'm not complaining in the slightest, actually I love it. Every time it goes away I worry it won't come back again and something bad has happened. And food - my God, food never, ever has tasted so good. So. Good. Spicy, salty, greasy. It's all just bloody beautiful.

My beautiful sister Rex has offered me some baby furniture and clothes .... plus, her Baby Whisperer skills in the sleep department. She has been so sure of this ... I first told her I was thinking of IVF earlier this year and she was just so positive and supportive. Every time I talk to her I feel reassured by her certainty. I think that's her biggest gift.

The weekend was great - I was so freaking lazy. My MIL was good - except when I first walked in the door, she cornered me with the questions. The first, strangely enough, was "How long have you known?" Mr TC only told her earlier that day - and didn't bother to explain the whole getting-around-the-vasectomy scenario. So he left me with the lovely job of telling his mother this has been planned all year, IVF, etc. I was trying to escape - she kept firing "So, natural birth this time?" Ummm, are you freaking shitting me? I said I don't know, I had read stats on ruptured scars with VBACs that freaked me out. Plus, I wouldn't want what happened with Tiger to happen again. She bahed me, said there was no reason why I couldn't have it naturally. Thanks for that. Then she asked did I want a boy or girl. I should have told her the truth - at this stage, I'm just hoping everything's going ok in there and it's still alive. I just said I didn't mind. She made up for it though - cooked every meal and didn't let me clean up. We went to see The Kingdom at the movies, it was really good.

I'm waiting for IVF's-R-Us to call me back - Mr TC still has a sore penis. (Heh heh - penis). From the PESA he had over a month ago. He said it feels like there's a lump there too. I really hope it's just slow at healing.

I have an appointment on Friday with my GP, to see what care I will get from here. Plus, I'd really like another scan - as soon as I can.

The little embie should be looking more and more like a baby, which is exciting, nervewracking, amazing, unbelievable. I hope everything is in the right place. I hope it stays and grows. It feels like too much to ask.