Random Crap, with an Unsolicited Photo of my Kitchen

"The time has come," said the walrus "to talk of many things."
Lewis Carroll

God I've been sick. I'm seeing the doc tomorrow, for I now fear something nasty has happened to my bronchial whatzit. Also, my computer is FUKT, so I am typing this on Mr TCs.

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Do I write about how sad I am about the dreadful loss and grief in the blogosphere lately? How sometimes I feel I can't comment on peoples blogs because I'm pregnant and don't want them to click back to me and have salt rubbed in their wounds? Or what will you think if I write about how dreadfully scared I have felt lately .... scared of the baby; the baby I have been yearning for for over three years. Scared of not earning enough money for Mr TC to stop being so financially stressed, scared of my hormones, scared of the impact this will have on all of our lives. So far, I have bought one thing for Monkey - a wonderful sheepskin rug from New Zealand. I've googled prams, but realised that I won't start having concrete plans until I turn 30 weeks. In case something bad happens. I have a bump and feel it moving - hell, SEE it moving now, my brain just needs to stop projecting negativity. I know, I know - I'm annoying myself.

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I've really put an effort into my friendships lately. I can be such an untrusting prickly pear sometimes, I know some of my girlfriends try to be closer to me than I let them. I have decided to let them, and find myself warmed by the light that can bring. In March, I will be going on an AA womens weekend retreat, the theme is "In the Sunlight of the Spirit". I don't usually (read: never) do shit like that, but I just know that I need to.

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We live in a very big house. It's quite beautiful, in fact. Mr TC (and his apprentices) built it almost 5 years ago. It's on 4 acres, overlooking national park bushland. We've decided that we're having a major reshuffle soon - everyone gets a new bedroom. Mr TC and I will move downstairs into the "big TV" room, big tv room will go into the sitting room (with the fire, yay) Tiger will go into stepsons old room, and Monkey will go into Tigers room. I want to paint first, of course. Man, is this shit even interesting? This is the fourth post I've tried to write this week - everything seems to be coming out bland, boring, and complaining.

A fortnight ago I had strange pains in my right side, thay started coming every 5 minutes. A little freaked out, I called the midwife clinic I go to at the hospital, to see if I could come in and checked out and rule out contractions. The midwife flatly stated that I'm probably in pre-term labour, there's no doctor on, and told me to drive down to the big hospital at the bottom of the hill. (One hours drive; around three hours wait in emergency). I hung up, cried, rang Mr TC who told me it's "probably nothing don't worry about it", and hung up on him mid-sentence. I drove home, made a cup of tea and calmed down. And listened to my instinct - I was NOT in pre-term labour, I felt sure they were just round ligament pains. Dr Google confirmed my diagnosis. I trusted myself, the pains soon passed.

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Stacies boys are home!!!!!! Congratulations Stacie, I LOVE that video you posted. You look so gorgeous and radiant, I'm so happy for you.

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I think that's about it. I just had a look at Mr TCs pics - here's one of our house, and our kitchen. Looks great, but it's a prick to clean. xoxox