Forty Bucks Postage

Things are wonderful here .... Monkey sleeps through the night all the time ... I am peaceful and content and able to do yoga daily ... Mr TC is in complete remission ....


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS IF!!!!!!!

Things are their usual crappy self - except my laptop has now died.

I know things could be worse. I know I'm lucky that I'm not living in Darfur .... but Goddamit I'm still finding hard to cop everything that has happened. I'm still so angry that my birth experience with Monkey was so dreadful. Angry that I have to watch someone I love go through chemo. Chemo is disgusting - it leaves Mr TC an absolutely shattered man, crushed and broken. Last week Tiger came into my bed from a nightmare, then Monkey woke up for a feed. As I was feeding him, I could hear a feeble "Hon!" from upstairs, so I went up still feeding Monkey and Mr TC was on the toilet, really really sick and I couldn't help him because I was feeding the baby. I just sat on the floor in front of the bathroom, saying "I love you so much hon." He finally made his own way back to bed. All I wanted to do was climb in beside him and hug all the sick away, but I had to go back downstairs and look after the boys. (Plural! I have two?! When did that happen?!)

I went to a meeting last week - the first one I've been to in 2 months. It was a DOOZY. Never have I shared so frankly. I made most people cry, spoke angrily about what had happened and how much pain I was in blah blah. It seriously helped me a lot, offloading and sharing my crap. A big thing is "Acceptance is the key." I truly believe that, but I'm not there yet. I'm still pissed off, and processing, still BLEEDING from GIVING BIRTH for fucks sake. I need to let myself feel my rage, and unfairness, and then work on accepting the situation. Otherwise I will end up bitter and twisted and even more fucked up, and lets face it, I'm pretty fucked up. I mean, I'm not, but I am. Blah blah I'm not even making any sense.

Ok, I mentioned recently that the lovely r.a.w. crocheted and posted me a wonderful yellow wrap for Monkey. Here he is wrapped up in the bloggy love - I took this photo earlier and the flash WOKE HIM UP, he cried for, oh an HOUR. (What a deadshit I am.) ......







Now, the next few pics. Stacie from Here Storkey Storkey .... are you freaking serious? On one of the WORST days post-chemo last week, a massive box arrived in the post. Addressed from America. From Stacie, and Isa.ac, and her two gorgeous boys Sha.wn and Jas.on.





Mr TC was home, and helped me open it. He's like, "Why would a stranger send us a box of presents? FORTY BUCKS POSTAGE IS SHE RICH?" I said she most definitely wasn't a stranger, and no I don't think she's rich I just think she's a beautiful caring person. Stacie posted a mountain of clothes for Monkey - even some t-shirts with a monkey on them! Rattles, onesies, cool outfits, a jokebook for Mr TC when he's in hospital! He couldn't believe it! An actual Monkey toy for Monkey AND Tiger, Tigers had a badge on his saying "Big Brother", which he wore to school!!

I can't believe the thoughtfulness.

We were just blown away. I had to explain to Mr TC how you meet other bloggers and form friendships with them, about how Stacies family had been through their OWN trauma recently. I told him that my own blog has kind of turned into being all about him, and how much people from all around the globe have sent their prayers and love to him. He said ...."Hon, what the fucks a blog?" I explained it to him. He wanted to know how much they cost, and how do I email people at the exact same time. I gave up.


Thank you, Stacie. So very much. You have helped restore my faith in humans. I super-duper puffy heart you and you always have a place to stay if you're ever in Australia.

Here are some more pics ....


My most beautiful Tiger - we are so, so close, more than ever ...



And take a look at this little beauty! THE DIMPLES! He was six weeks old yesterday ...


My guys watching cartoons ...


The contents of the big magic American box of goodies ..... (FORTY BUCKS!)


Tiger and the monkies .... he wore his "Big Brother" badge to school! ...

My stagnant, depressive state forbids me to do much blog-surfing, I'm sorry. I can't wait for my laptop to be fixed, and I shall be posting and commenting gaily, I promise.

One last pic. We have a veggie garden, which is pretty cool. We grow tomatoes, corn, herbs, lemons, zucchinis ... whatever we can. We've let it all turn to shit lately, because cancer does that to you, you know. The other day Mr TC comes running in - well, of course not RUNNING, more like hobbling ... "Hon! Hon! Look at the brussel sprouts!"

I raced in, to see him holding two of the most ridiculously tiny brussel sprouts you will ever see in your life .....