It's Not You, It's Me

I'm going to stop posting here, for a while. It's getting confusing! I promise to let it all still hang out, over here. I'll just word it better, HA.

xoxoxox

Hello Again.

I get mortified every time I come here, recent posts are just so angry and terrible.

All I can do today is write two articles, cook dinner, and pick Tiger up from school. My head is mush. I don't meant to WHINE ..... but the last month has been the hardest, since May last year. I KNOW I have been having a breakdown. Fucking cancer, fucking everything.

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Last weekend, as soon as I found out about the fires, I rang Mr TC to see if he was ok. He was at his mums house with stepson. My toe was black and purple, but I cried on the phone to him and told him I can't argue with him anymore. Just come home.

We haven't gone away together since our honeymoon - four years ago.

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Thank you so much for your wise wise love and encouragement. You have helped my family get well again. I would go camping with ALL of you, in a heartbeat. XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOX

SNAFU

So.

I can't believe the shitstorm surrounding me at the moment!! There was a facebook fiasco with an ex-boyfriend, who kept getting drunk and writing WAY inappropriate comments on my wall. I gave him what-for, and unfriended him. This is from the only school whose reunion I am going to this year ... will be VERY interesting to see what happens.

Mr TC ran over my foot this morning. In his ute. We were in the middle of an argument, he drives off and RUNS OVER MY WHOLE RIGHT FOOT. The tyres have left an imprint. I know he didn't mean it ... but I am beyond furious. Am taking the boys down to stay at my sisters, and after I log off here I will bite the bullet and organise some couples counselling. Because, I want to sit in a room with him, and have someone else there as my witness. Our marriage ... oh it's a long story. It hasn't been all wine and roses. Actually it's been no wine, a lot of fighting. Violence. It's been seven weeks since he got the all clear from his cancer treatment ... I brought it up yesterday, he asked me was I still going to be harping on about his cancer in five years. Tells me to just get over it already. Ummm, I'm trying!?
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I love people who have also been burnt by the Fires of Hell. By infertility, loss, grief, cancer, addiction ..... all the big fat juicy stuff. You go through that shit, and you cannot remain small-minded and stupid. You change. You get wisdom and perspective and courage, now THAT is the shit that makes a character. If I didn't know people like you existed, I'm not sure how much faith in human nature I would have right now.

Ok I have to go now. The baby is grizzling, Tiger is pale, I need to find a good therapist, and MY FOOT HURTS.

I swear to God if I can't do pump class, there will be hell to pay.

This life .......she be MESSY .