I used to marvel at the pregnant bloggers progress .... it seemed that one minute they saw the heartbeat and were still flushed with the giddiness of the BFP, and then, gradually, the news would entail talk of prams and baby showers and swollen bellies. I can feel myself hovering - no longer am I scared stiff at the thought of an early miscarriage, yet I still put off buying babystuff until at least viability. (Today I'm at 23 weeks). New thoughts have crept through my head .... as well as some doubts, like how will I manage to care for a newborn, manage the housework, yet still work from home, etc. Today I saw a tiny baby at the park, and just couldn't believe that I will hold one in May. In four months! I'm getting closer to believing it's going to happen ...
Lately, Mr TC has been freaked out. He thinks he's too old, and says that the thought of pushing a pram down the street makes him feel sick. I told him look at Brad Pitt - he's over 40 with four young kids hanging off his arm, but he only looks hotter. Mr TC didn't buy it. No loving partner just as desperate for a baby as me - last week he actually cringed when he looked at my belly. That was it. "Look, do you think I'm not scared sometimes too? But you went in this with your eyes wide open hon, so please don't shudder when you look at me! This is our reality! So deal!!" I wonder what it would feel like for your husband to put his hand on your tummy in wonder? I'm not mad - a little worried about how much this will affect our marriage. I'm still reeling from our New Zealand ordeal - I mean holiday. The thought of bringing another child into all the ... dynamics, just scared the absolute crap outta me. The stepkids flew back to their mum on Monday, the immense relief I felt at having my house back was enormous. Tom wants to move back in with us ... in 6 months. He said his dad is his best friend and he misses him. I have visions of me moving out with Tiger and a newborn, being a single mother. I've made the very healthy decision of living in the day, and not getting ahead of myself. If Tom does come back, it would be at the end of this year .... and by GOD would I have some ground rules.
I nearly rang up the nurse to look at my amnio results and tell me what sex Monkey is, but I stayed strong. So it really, truly is going to be a big surprise. I showed my sisters the ultrasound pics, I pointed out the penis to the them; they swear it's a vagina. So, we just don't know. I truly don't mind - sometimes I sway, and would prefer one over the other, but it always changes. Healthy will do me just fine.
Annoying bitch that I am - never in my life have I got a stretch mark. No weight issues for me; actually, I'm not even smug, because all of my issues are mental HA. I'd swap some of my high metabolism for some peace of mind any day - truly. Anyway, it seems as if I now do indeed have stretch marks - two, in fact, on my lower stomach. What the!?! Furious oil rubbing has since followed the discovery, i shall wait and see.
Finally, I have a broken pube. In Australia, we call pubic hairs 'pubes'. Yes, it appeared that the only interesting thing I had to report at yesterdays midwife appointment was an ingrown pube on my pubis bone. It doesn't hurt, but it's quite swollen. She didn't seem perturbed - do I just let it be for the rest of my life?
Finally, here are some pics. The first two are just me and Mr TC ... in NZ. (It wasn't all bad. Was it???)
Mr TC has discovered a new way of getting in the photo himself - he does this all the time now - this was in a park in Christchurch ...
Holding hands at the Cadbury Factory in Dunedin ....
And lucky last - here's a pic of my two favourite sisters dressed as Kath and Kim at Mr TC's surprise 40th fancy dress party in '06. Rex is Kath, on the left, and Tee is Kim on the right. I love them like, well, - sisters!! Who knew we would end up such great mates!! Thank you so much for your love, support, and especially your honesty, girls. Yooz rock. xoxoxoxxoxo
