Thursday, 23 April 2009


Two weeks, I have been trying to remember my recently-changed password to this blog. Finally I remembered it tonight: ANGERISSUES.


So Dave has postphoned his oncologist appt TWICE now .... it is next Wednesday and so locked in. I'm going with him. Dave thinks he might have cancer in his shoulder - for once, I am the one in denial and he is all scared. I'm pretty annoyed. We have already BEEN HERE. We don't need to DO IT AGAIN. There's just no way he can get cancer back again, no way no how.

Back in December, when we got the "all clear" .. there was this small black thing on the scan, in one of Daves shoulders. I remember asking what it was, Dave laughing, and the doctor blowing me off, saying it was "most probably nothing."

He has a very sore shoulder .... he has been extremely active, hopefully he's just pulled it or something. Right? Right? RIGHT???

That's all I have to report, really. That is why I've been hiding and not commenting ... I feel a tad frozen. Also, the recent deaths of babies in blogland sent me for a six. Totally anxiety ridden.

I just wanted to let you know.

I will be back next week after Daves appointment ... if it is bad, I am not telling ANYBODY .... except here.

But it won't be bad, surely. My brain won't let me think there's a chance it's bad ... instead, my brain tells me to shop/eat/spend/exercise. Anything to take me away from myself. I HATE myself.



PaleMother said...

Hugs, E. I think of you every day.

Anxiety is SUCH a BITCH. Cat and mouse. PT that you all get relief immediately.

Hey, what happened to comments on the public blog? I was just there and the last two posts have none ... not even a button to leave one. Like they were disabled.

I wondered if the troll was back?

That's what made me think to check here ... glad I did.


Amanda said...

Thinking and praying for you both!

Stacie said...

Ah, I wondered where you were. I can understand the need to be quiet when there is so much looming in the distance. I get that way, too.

You know I am here rooting for you and your family and sending love your way...


P.S. Praying with everything I've got that Dave's got it ALL WRONG!

anna said...

O.k., let's just pray that this is a pulled muscle. If it's more than that, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, right?! Sending you tons of prayers and silly Rocco laughter to make it better.

kateypie35 said...

thinking of for you if you need me!

Stacie said...

Sending love today and always...