Saturday, 7 February 2009



I can't believe the shitstorm surrounding me at the moment!! There was a facebook fiasco with an ex-boyfriend, who kept getting drunk and writing WAY inappropriate comments on my wall. I gave him what-for, and unfriended him. This is from the only school whose reunion I am going to this year ... will be VERY interesting to see what happens.

Mr TC ran over my foot this morning. In his ute. We were in the middle of an argument, he drives off and RUNS OVER MY WHOLE RIGHT FOOT. The tyres have left an imprint. I know he didn't mean it ... but I am beyond furious. Am taking the boys down to stay at my sisters, and after I log off here I will bite the bullet and organise some couples counselling. Because, I want to sit in a room with him, and have someone else there as my witness. Our marriage ... oh it's a long story. It hasn't been all wine and roses. Actually it's been no wine, a lot of fighting. Violence. It's been seven weeks since he got the all clear from his cancer treatment ... I brought it up yesterday, he asked me was I still going to be harping on about his cancer in five years. Tells me to just get over it already. Ummm, I'm trying!?

I love people who have also been burnt by the Fires of Hell. By infertility, loss, grief, cancer, addiction ..... all the big fat juicy stuff. You go through that shit, and you cannot remain small-minded and stupid. You change. You get wisdom and perspective and courage, now THAT is the shit that makes a character. If I didn't know people like you existed, I'm not sure how much faith in human nature I would have right now.

Ok I have to go now. The baby is grizzling, Tiger is pale, I need to find a good therapist, and MY FOOT HURTS.

I swear to God if I can't do pump class, there will be hell to pay.

This life .......she be MESSY .


Arian said...

I think you deserve a huge cupcake with sprinkles on it and a day off! Hubby and I are having issues at the moment too so I can feel you on a very small level although he hasn't managed to run over my foot just yet.
I would jump on a plane right now come make some attempt at helping you pitch a tent if I could. I too have been missing the close girlfriends I used to have. None of my friends "get it" now though. They all went off to school, got married, had babies, and smiled for the photographer. I'm thankful though. Thankful that I will never be that oblivious to the pain and depth this life has to offer.

Amanda said...

Mr. TC needs a good swift kick in the ass (with your good foot, of course). You don't just get over all that you've gone through. It just doesn't work that way. Good luck with the counseling!

I hear you about the no close friends. I blame mine on the fact that I have poor social skills (don't know when to not speak my mind and all), but that's what happens when you don't have to learn to make friends because you've got a built in besty from day one (twin brother). I wish we weren't oceans away...I'd go camping with you!

The Moms at that school sound like they think they're still in high school. Too bad they never grew up.

Beautiful Mess said...

ACK! I hope your foot is OK! You should tell Mr. TC that it takes a woman longer to get over things because we ACTUALLY try to figure it all out. We don't just hide out in "the man cave" until everything is clear. I actually had to use that sentence one time when my husband and I were arguing about my mom dying. I hope the counselor agrees with you, try for a woman one ;o) HUGS and KISSES!!!!

OHN said...

I hear ya on the friend thing...AND the MAN thing. My man thinks I am weird because I have "friends" that I haven't met. He doesn't get that I know more about some of my blogger pals (and they know more about me) than most of the people in my real life.

Don't you just want to smash something into his face? Something really sticky and messy. :)

r.a.w. said...

I have been quite absent from bloggy-land the last several months. And then I come back to this. I am sooo sorry that things have been so trying. Know that I am thinking of you and sending up prayers. I have no sage advice. I would just be making crap up. I just pray. Hope it helps. Sending you love.

Korechronicles said...

Messy, indeed. I wish I enjoyed camping more so I could offer to come with you at Easter. Sadly I did most of my roughing it in my misspent youth which enables me to view it through rose-coloured glasses and I'd hate to ruin my memories with the reality. The only stars I like to sleep under these days are the six over the name of the hotel.

Good luck with the counselling. I'm whimpering in sympathy with the foot. Both mine are reminding me that I had someone take to them recently with a very sharp scalpel.

battynurse said...

I hope your foot is ok with nothing broken. The couples counseling sounds like a good idea.
I hear you on the friend thing. I have all my friends in blogland. My best friend from jr high lives in Seattle and we usually see each other several times a year. but I have no one locally that I really spend time with or do things with.
As far as the gossip thing, you could always throw them for a loop by just walking up and telling them, "no we met in NA, get your facts straight." That would be hard though and I admit that I don't know if I could do it. I just remember a girl in school who everyone gossiped about how they thought she stuffed her bra. So she walked into the bathroom one day, lifted her shirt and showed everyone that they were infact the real deal. Pretty much ended that gossip.

Anonymous said...

Ouch, your poor foot! You know, in a year Mr. TC is going to go all pale on you one day and say "I had CANCER!" And totally fall apart. That is the price of not dealing with thigs in the moment. You said something in a past blog about addiction and denial being closely related...wish I could remember it. Seems like there is some sort of correlation that I can't get my muzzy, snot-filled head around right now.

The women at your school really get my goat. Do they not even THINK about their kids when they talk this way? About what they are teaching them? I Stay and be a thorn in their flesh, TC. Look them in the eye, go to all the bake sales, make them so acutely uncomfortable that they have to face up to who and what they are. You're not the one who needs to run here.

Besides, you need to ice that foot before you run anywhere!

Remember that you are a uniquely created individual, lovingly fashioned because it made God glad to do so. You make God glad!

areyoukiddingme said...

I have several good friends. Unfortunately, they all live 300+ miles away. My husband is always harping on me to make some friends and get a social life that doesn't depend on him (ha. Like he ever goes out anywhere). I explain to him that I have friends, and when the right person comes along, I will find a new one. It's just easier when you're young and more tolerant of other people's idiosyncracies. I'd love to go camping with you, except that I don't camp. Why would anyone go anywhere without a flushing toilet and a hot shower? I don't understand.

Good luck with the husband...the only thing I can recommend is to forget about counting on him to understand. He may have been there at the same time, but he had a totally different experience and has no idea why you would still be upset if he's over it. Or, more likely, he doesn't know what to say and so just wants it to go away. A counsellor will probably help. (He sounds a bit like my husband)

Hope your foot is better soon.

Heather said...

People can be evil. I'm sorry for all the crap you have had to go through. I know how much it hurt me when people would gossip about my husband being in treatment or recovery.

And I hope like HELL the troll from your other blog doesn't find MY recovery blog cuz she won't like it one bit!!

Hope you foot feels better soon!!

Anonymous said...

I would love to go camping with you! It's not easy to make friends as you get older, esp those with whom you vibe. I feel the same way. Believe me, you do NOT want to fit in with those moms at max's school- they dont sound like interesting people to me (if they gossip it means nothing good is going on in their lives).