Tuesday, 20 November 2007

I'm Frightened, Aunty Em

Actually, frightened was last week. I am FURIOUS today. Which beats being scared - I much prefer anger to fear. It gives me some semblence of control. I have been on pause, ever since the serious doctor rang with the serious high risk news last week. I cannot wait to have Thursday over and done with. Mr TC is taking me down - the first scan he sees will be the amniocentesis scan they do, right before they stick the freaking needle in. Gah. I'm just so mad that after all the years of pining and yearning, then we get a BFP, and before I even get a chance to feel happy and settled, there might be something wrong. It plain sucks.

If there IS a chromosomal abnormality - well, it's hard to say what we would do, or decide. I don't think Mr TC would be quite keen on looking after a child with special needs - but then again, who is? I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I need to think these sorts of things ... just in case. That's if I don't miscarry from the amnio. Oh, the joys of an active imagination!

Last week, I spent 2 hours with a midwife, booking in to the hospital. SO many weird and wonderful questions!

Midwife: "Does your mother and father have any mental health issues?"

Me: "Well, my dad killed himself. Would you call that a mental health issue?"

We both laughed.

Actually, what's been REALLY funny - my latest craving ... has been for a glass of dry white wine!! First time in my life I have wanted to drink alcohol for the TASTE, and not the effect. Who knew?? (Of course, I'm not following through with this particular craving).

So. That's where I'm at. I will post after the dreaded amnio on Thursday - I would really appreciate a few prayers or positive thoughts. Yuck. Bring it on, get it over with, stupid mofo high risk my arse.

14 comments:

Stacie said...

Loads of prayers and positive vibes coming your way...

Fertilize Me said...

sending prayers for you and the wee one

Geohde said...

Good luck Mz TC.

I hope that the amnio has the recommended amounts of chromosomes 13, 18 and 21.

xx

J

JJ said...

Sending you VERY positive thoughts!

Evil Stepmonster said...

It's cruel they've frightened/angered you in this way. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.

Von said...

Have been thinking about you and the amnio this Thursday.
Surely you can feel the positive vibes, thoughts and prayers pointed your way?????
Really Really Really hope all goes well for you........
Von.
XXXXXXXXX

nancy said...

I'll be thinking of you. I can understand how scary everything is right now and I would be a mess. You just keep on keeping it together! (and I'm going to email you here in a moment. the email will be from "nleisher", so that's me - just an fyi)

~hugs~hugs~hugs~

nancy said...

I forgot to ask ... your amnio is on Thanksgiving?

Mony said...

With you all the way.

Chas said...

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you.

Nancy's comment made me laugh a little at first...and then I started wondering, you guys don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia on the same day as us in the US do you?

minus one said...

As a labor nurse, I can see myself asking the same questions....not realizing what kind of mental tailspin it could send you into. Thank you for sharing this experience....it will certainly change my practice when talking with someone in recovery.

Sending out all the positive vibes I can muster for Thursday!!!!
--kat.

Imogen and David said...

Will be thinking of you tomorrow :(

Sorry guys - we don't so Thanksgiving in Oz :)

Angie said...

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

The Dunn Family said...

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending our prayers and positive thoughts! good luck!