Actually, frightened was last week. I am FURIOUS today. Which beats being scared - I much prefer anger to fear. It gives me some semblence of control. I have been on pause, ever since the serious doctor rang with the serious high risk news last week. I cannot wait to have Thursday over and done with. Mr TC is taking me down - the first scan he sees will be the amniocentesis scan they do, right before they stick the freaking needle in. Gah. I'm just so mad that after all the years of pining and yearning, then we get a BFP, and before I even get a chance to feel happy and settled, there might be something wrong. It plain sucks.
If there IS a chromosomal abnormality - well, it's hard to say what we would do, or decide. I don't think Mr TC would be quite keen on looking after a child with special needs - but then again, who is? I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I need to think these sorts of things ... just in case. That's if I don't miscarry from the amnio. Oh, the joys of an active imagination!
Last week, I spent 2 hours with a midwife, booking in to the hospital. SO many weird and wonderful questions!
Midwife: "Does your mother and father have any mental health issues?"
Me: "Well, my dad killed himself. Would you call that a mental health issue?"
We both laughed.
Actually, what's been REALLY funny - my latest craving ... has been for a glass of dry white wine!! First time in my life I have wanted to drink alcohol for the TASTE, and not the effect. Who knew?? (Of course, I'm not following through with this particular craving).
So. That's where I'm at. I will post after the dreaded amnio on Thursday - I would really appreciate a few prayers or positive thoughts. Yuck. Bring it on, get it over with, stupid mofo high risk my arse.