Thursday, 22 November 2007

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Well. No amnio today; the baby is measuring at 14w 2d, and the doctor doesn't do amnios before 14w 5d. This happened because the different doctor who did my nuchal scan last week measured the baby one week ahead, which I got all excited about, changed my tickers, etc.

Other wonderful tidbits I found out today:

  • My blood results alone give a 1:30 chance of chromosomal abnormality.
  • Learnt, in minor detail, exactly why and how a miscarriage occurs after an amnio
  • Mr TC and I don't think we will carry to full term if there is something wrong, making me feel dreadful that the baby has to grow a bit more so I can have the test to see if I'm going to ..... not have it
  • I can cry myself into a migraine
  • If a father figure doctor with a Scottish accent consoles me when I am crying, and calls me "Lass" in a very tender voice, I will stop crying about the worry of my baby and start crying that my real dad who was Scottish and died many years ago will never console me and call me "Lass" when I am crying. Then everything just turns turns into a jumbled mess of crying and I start thinking that I should never have tempted fate and done IVF in the first place; maybe I just wasn't meant to have another baby
  • I love this baby already - my tears aren't for me but for it. I pray that my heavily increased stress and worry doesn't impact on it in some way
  • Men are so completely different to women. As I was trying to make it out of the hospital without sobbing, Mr TC decided he was hungry so we went to the cafeteria for a bacon and egg roll. I sat there as he ate, using all my worldly powers to not start the heaving crying. He flicked through the newspaper, trying to find the sport section so he could see if Mike Tyson went to jail. Mr TC said later that he is 100% not worried that there is anything wrong with the baby, or that anything bad will happen. I wish I was more like him
  • Amnio Take Two is booked for next Thursday - one more week away

So. That's where I'm at. I thank you so much for all, all of your comments. Imy thank you for checking in - I read every one of your posts but don't often comment because I feel guilty that I got preggo straight away from transfer no#1. I can't wait till you get a BFP - and you will, I'm just sorry it's such a tough road. And thank you Miss Geohde for your wonderful medical (and personal) advice all the time, even when you're still "trudging the weary path to destiny". as we say in AA.

I have a routine appointment at the hospital on Monday, to meet the doctor that will hopefully be performing my caesar in May next year. (My local hospital doesn't do VBACs). Don't I have a lot to catch him up on! I hope he's nice. Todays Dead Dad Doppelganger Doctor, whilst caring, was abrupt, kept cutting me off, and likened the amnio procedure to "spearing fish in a bucket. There's a very slim chance you actually hurt the baby with the needle." And I've run out of steam to write about the putrid, revolting pathologist who took my blood yesterday. Sleazy Sleazebag from Sleazeville. My sister reckons I should sue him for sexual harrasment.

It's all fun and games from my part of the world. I'm going to hide under a rock for a while; try to calm down and get through this next week. The only way through it is through it. Bugger.

17 comments:

Von said...

That is just fucking shitty, bollocky crap. You don't need this.
My heart goes out to you so much.
I don't know what else to say.................

Drowned Girl said...

You're in my thoughts

xx

Fertilize Me said...

Von said it perfectly! Thinking of you

Imogen and David said...

Of course I still check in with my soft spot for fellow Aussies xoxo This is just a nightmare that you are facing and I hope the next week passes very quickly for you so you have an answer either way. Mr. TC is behaving like David would, I don't get it either. Hopefully he is right this time though.

Chas said...

Well, this all stinks, and you are definitely in my thoughts. Don't give up hope yet though, all of those test don't always give accurate results. I don't know if this will make you feel better...but I have friends who were told their baby had Downs...not given a chance that the baby had it, but told the baby had it...it didn't. It did have some weird/rare thing going on in it's brain, but it was nothing a one time surgery couldn't fix. That kid is almost 3 now and completely normal. Oh, and I know of someone else that had twins, told they were fine, and they both had Downs. SO, those tests..they suck. Don't put your whole trust them.

Geohde said...

Oh, Mz TC, I am so sorry that you're in your own personal suckville.

I thought it must be the blood markers that got their interest, given your NT was great, but remember it's a COMBINED risk number, not a reliable risk on the bloods alone (or we'd never bother with the NT).

I'm saying that there's some reassurance in having a normal NT, since it suggests that the baby's developed lymphatics etc at a normal rate and isn't oedematous.

Hopefully your amnio goes smoothly and you get a good answer. G-d knows that I'm rather familiar with the need to make second tri sucky decisions, let alone the stress of gestating whilst waiting for further tests, so I really REALLY hope that you don't have to go through that,

thinking of you, Topcat,

xx

J

Evil Stepmonster said...

You are right TC there is no way around this next week, just one step at a time straight through it. I wish it wasn't like this for you, but please don't let go of hope...

The Dunn Family said...

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. This week is going to suck, but hopefully next week after the amnio you will get the results that you want, and we all want so desperately for you! Sending you tons of hugs and love!

Stacie said...

Take it one day at a time. (I am trying to do that, too.) That is really all that we can do.

I believe that the amnio will confirm that your little bean is nice and healthy. Don't give up hope!

Sending love and hugs...
Stacie

Gemini Girl said...

oh tc, those tests drive us all crazy. so many people get false answers from them. please try to stay calm- and only start to worry if the doctor tells you to worry. this stress isnt good for your little bean.

thinking of you.

maya

anna said...

More tests after all the tests that went with the IVF badness...yuck, right?! I'm so sorry that this has been so rocky. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and sending up big prayers that your lovely little munchkin is healthy.

Kristen said...

I am praying for a good outcome to all of this. My thoughts are with you at this time. XOXO

chicklet said...

Fuck, I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I thought you were safe. Gawd:-(

Becks said...

Thinking of you, I have my fingers crossed. I hope the next week passes quickly and you get some good news.

Lori said...

So many parts of your post touched me in some way. I'm sorry you're sitting with this for the next week.

I think I had your phlebotomist once. Only mine was named Sleazy Sleazebag from SleazeTOWN.

Hoping things turn out well, and that the waiting ends up to be the hardest part.

Tracy said...

Couldn't say it much better than Von. Your husband sounds like mine. Stick his head in the sand until there's a reason to pull it out.

Thinking of you...

Dee said...

Hi, I'm coming over to visit from Lost and Found...just wanted to give you a little "thinking of you" vibe.

Also, for what it's worth, when I was pg with my first, I didn't have a nuchal done (don't know why) but I did have blood work done that came back showing a 1 in 5 chance for Trisomy 18...I realized they had my weight wrong on the data, which can skew the results. So the nurse called the testing facility, gave them my corrected weight, and they recalibrated the results--not much better at a 1 in 25 chance for Trisomy 18.

Fast forward to amnio...perfect 46XX.

That "perfect" is two-and-a-half years old in less than a month.

False-positives suck, but I'm putting my money on this being just that. Sorry for all of the worry and stress. Will be thinking of you on Thursday. Best of luck.