I've always been such a morbid creature. Even as a child, I'd ponder my own mortality. After the two dead dads fiasco, my friends around me started unfortunately dropping like flies. Add the most negative mother in the world who would turn all of her children against each other ... and now I kind of always seemed to expect the worst. I think of the most awful and macabre scenarios. I've had DBT's* most days so far, in the past 18 weeks. Driving down to the big ultrasound this morning, I was working out :
a) Would Mr TC take the kids on his own to NZ if I got a refund on my ticket
b) Who would help me through it all if it has turned to shit
c) Was that dead kangaroo by the side of the freeway an omen of things to come.
Turns out, non of my contingency plans are needed; and the poor dead roo had nothing to do with me after all. From 4 cells to a f*cken superstar ..... here is Monkey -
Ummmm ....... I'm pregnant?!?!?!? The other shoe has not dropped - even after an HOUR of non-stop ultrasounding today. Monkey scooted and kicked, punched, yawned, flipped over and promptly went to sleep. Mindblowing.
I look at people and just marvel that anyone made it out through the whole gestating period alive, it seems so fraught with risk and danger at every turn. But babies do get born healthy every day ... why not my baby? It's just so surreal, after dreaming and wishing and pining for so many years. And thinking it would never happen. I can't believe my husband had sperm, freaks sake. My cluckiness has now gone into overdrive. I can feel kicking most days, tiny little tappity taps. I feel extremely blessed and just darn lucky.
You know how you have to have a full bladder for an ultrasound? Well, I was walking around before I got called in ..... farted, and pissed my pants. I half ran up the hospital corridor, furtively checking out the damage .... piss all over my denim shorts, visible to anyone who cared to look. How embarrassment.
xox
* DBTs - dead baby thoughts
14 comments:
God, but I'm familiar with that feeling. Um...the not believing you're actually going to have a baby as opposed to the wetting the pants thing (although I'm also not completely unfamiliar with that either. I'm going to stop talking now)
We were completely in denial that our kids would ever actually be born right up to the moment they pulled the first one out. Now THAT was a reality check!
Keep well and enjoy your BFP Christmas.
Yeah for Monkey! I am so happy that all is going well for you and the baby. I went through so much of what you describe. It wasn't fun and took a lot of the enjoyment out of being pregnant. I hope that now you will be able to have fun being PG!
By the way, did you find out what gender Monkey is and are you going to tell us? Dying to know...if you want to share that is!
You ARE Pregnant - and I am loving Monkey!! So precious!
Ok you farting/pissing ..way too funny - I am so sorry- but that sounds like my puking/pissing that has been blamed on my ever so quaint morning sickness that should still be referred to as all day sickness ;)
SO glad things are going well for you!
ok, before i begin- you guys really drive by dead kangaroos on the road? how aussie.
isnt it amazing when you see that ultrasound- the one where they look like little people?
you know even as i sit here on my couch typing with one hand(since i am holding neve with my other while waiting for the burp that refuses to come up) i still cannot believe that all the turmoil is behind me and that i am a mommy. i look at them and still have to remind myself that they are mine.
so glad the ultrasound went well... she just burpped
Nice to meet you, Monkey! :-)
That's one fine lookin' Monkey you got there!
Here's to cluckiness, Christmas, and cuddly, healthy babies.
And can I just say thank you for the giggle? Farted, peed, um, been there myself but still funny as all heck :-)
Be Gone DBT's!
What an amazing U/S. It's REALLY happening!
They don't do the full bladder thing where I live. A very good thing too considering mine is about the size of a pea at the moment. Basically my day revolves around the bathroom.
"Here's looking at you, Kid". And what a lovely little one it is too.
Enjoy this time.
XXXXXXXX
I think I probably had my fair share of DBTs (never heard that before, btw) during my pregnancy, especially after losing the twin. Ugg. Once I could feel her moving around though I was good.
Oh, and POOR KANGAROO! I've never even seen a kangaroo, so I can't imagine seeing one as roadkill.
Oh my gosh, you are so funny! I almost just peed my pants with that last paragraph. You poor thing!
I love that you saw a dead kangaroo on your way to your ultrasound. Around here, we see dead deer, raccoons, and squirrels. How exotic to see a dead kangaroo!!!
So glad to hear that Monkey's doing so well. He's quite handsome in his little pictures...congrats! In the new year, no more DBTs, o.k.?!
Checking in on stolen internet connection :)
Had to see how the Big SCan went :) :)
xx
J
Hello, Monkey!
What a cutie! Congratulations!
Oh mate, Tee here, you know, the supposed rich trendy sis - my did I laugh at that one!!! I have to say, the first pic, look at lil monkey, s/he looks like s/he's just as happy at the negative DBT as you are!!! Is that a 'fuckin yeah' cheer or what???
Oh, I can top the pissinpants routine, was helping Mt Tee pulling the new microwave out of it's cabinet to fix it a bit, the cavity was filled with dust, I sneezed, pissed my pants and ran to the dunnycan with mr Tee shouting 'come hold this, TEE!!!' and me frantically running saying 'CAN"T TALK, PISSING PANTS!"
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