Monday, 26 May 2008

Monkey Grip

I can't seem to find the right words to post. I have so, so much to say. We are home, (well, me and Monkey are, anyway) and we are tired and weary. Mr TC was there for Monkeys birth, than went straight down to the big hospital. On Friday morning, I told the doctors I don't CARE that Monkey looks yellow and maybe we should do 'just one more heel prick to check his levels' .... we were leaving at 9am. I knew he wasn't jaundiced, and he wasn't.

Tee picked us up, and we hightailed it down to the big hospital. Make that the big, putrid, stinky hospital that is full of fuckwits. Oops, is that too judgemental? I had Monkey in a sling, with a throw over him, and my biggest fuck-off vibes. Yes it's a tiny baby now FUCK OFF. Instead of Mr TC picking us up and driving us straight home, where we introduced our lovely little guy to his home and bedroom and new world with us, Monkey got driven straight to visit daddy in a cancer ward. I couldn't make this shit up.

Seriously. It appears the Universe has played a big trick on us - you want a baby? Here, have a baby .... oh, but that comes with a side-serving of CANCEROUS TUMOURS in your husbands stomach.

Mr TC has non-hodgkins lymphoma. He had a biopsy last Wednesday, he cried with pain on the phone to my sister Tee. Rex has stayed with him in his hospital, doing EVERYTHING for him, how I love both of my sisters love and generosity. We couldn't be getting through this without them.

This week he will be getting a bone marrow biopsy and full body scan, to see how far it has spread. Repeat after me .... no cancer in the bones, please. I don't know much, but I do know that cancer in bones = BAD.

I will be posting again, soon, hopefully. Monkeys birth was surreal, amazing, scary. My nightmares have been out of control ... I need to think positively.

In hospital I got told told I wasn't just in shock, I was in trauma. I'm still processing everything. Monkey is perfect. I am determined to enjoy this short time of newborn-ness, and not get swallowed up in cancerland.

Up, down, around. Elated, exhausted, terrified.

I have read every single comment ... twice. I can't wait to check in on my peeps .... and some new peeps, it seems. Thank you for your warm wishes, and love, and thoughts. I have felt them, and we have desperately needed them.

xoxoxo

25 comments:

Geohde said...

Thinking of all of you, TC,

J

waitinginline said...

I'm so glad to read something from you. You and your family have been very much in my thoughts. I'm praying for the cancer to be as limited as possible. I'm glad your sisters have been so there for you. (((hugs)))

r.a.w. said...

I am so glad Monkey is well. Thinking of you all non-stop. So many prayers are being sent up right now it is ridiculous. God is going to be sick of hearing from me, but so be it!

Take care and check your e-mail. :)

Love to you.

Stacie said...

I have so much to say to you, but I am having a hard time getting it all organized in my head so that it will make sense. Here it goes...

First off, I am so glad that Monkey is healthy and that you seem to be healing from the birth. It is fabulous that Mr. TC was there, too.

As for the hospital fucktards, they are everywhere. Many people will be very helpful and caring, but it just takes those few who make the whole experience even harder. I wish that you didn't have to deal with that on top of everything else. (assvice alert) My only suggestion is to take a notebook and write everything down that you (or whoever is with Mr. TC) hear and see--names, who said what, what he was given and when, when procedures happen or are scheduled. That notebook will help you keep track of what is going on and will make things so much easier to manage as the days go on, at least from the information standpoint. If you want to research something later, you'll have the exact name of what you need to look up with you, too. Make them spell things you aren't sure about. Plus, it has the added benefit of letting everyone know (without having to say anything) that you won't take any shit from people who don't know what they are doing. It saved us during our hospital time with Shawn.

I totally get your theory on the universe. Believe me. I get it.

Your sisters sound amazing. Your family will help you get through this. Just continue to let them help when you can.

I will pray with everything I have got that this has not spread. No cancer in the bones will join my mantra every day. Positive vibes your way for the biopsy and scan.

And take your time checking in with everyone in blogland (well, at least me). Let us focus on you for awhile. You have our support and we'll be here when you get the chance. Until then, just know we all send our love.

Hugs and love,
Stacie

m said...

So glad you checked in and that Monkey is doing so well - I just wish that the circumstances were different.

Much love

x

Rachel Inbar said...

I'm one of the new ones... glad Monkey is doing well :-) Make sure to take a lot of pictures now - always important, but now that your mind is so busy with other things too, even more.

You are really lucky to have such terrific sisters!

Fertilized said...

still here reading and supporting!

Flicka said...

I don't know what to say. I'm here and I'm reading and I'm so very, very new that I feel like I don't have much authority to speak into your life. But I wanted to say congratualtions on your beautiful new Monkey and that I am keeping you, Mr. TC, Tee and Rex in my prayers. You're a beautiful family, all of you. No cancer in the bones, no cancer in the bones. Hang on, Topcat. You're doing beautifully.

Chas said...

You guys have been in my thoughts and prayers so much. I wish I could DO something! Mr. TC is so blessed to have a wife like you...someone who has family that loves him like their own. Wow. Post when you can; I love hearing from you.

Erin said...

Another new one, and thinking of you often. I will keep you all in my thoughts and will pray that it's not in his bones.

The Dunn Family said...

Thinking of you all... can't wait to see a pic of Monkey! Your sisters sound amazing, and Mr TC is in my thoughts ... lots of love!

tobacco brunette said...

I am in awe of you. I'm so happy that monkey is well and am crossing everything i can manage that it's not in the bones.

Thinking of you.

JJ said...

You all are so very much in my thoughts...glad you and Monkey are home safe and sound--hoping that Mr. TC is joining you soon.

Pixxiee said...

I'm a new reader too. And I wanted to say firstly, welcome to the world Monkey! And I hope Mr TC has nothing but good results, good responses, and nothing in the bones at all.

Take care of yourself while you are taking care of Monkey and Mr TC. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Please.

Mony said...

This is not how it's supposed to be, huh?
I'm desperately sorry that Your posts are about the trauma & worry of Mr TC's situation...and not about your miracle baby.
This should be the time to bask happiness. Not fair.

Evil Stepmonster said...

Of course you are traumatized sweetheart, what is going on right now is so huge I can't even imagine how I would cope. But you're such an amazing woman, I'm sure that you are holding everything and everyone together.

Best wishes and positive thoughts to you and your family. If there is anything you need please just ask.

OHN said...

TC..thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you and am sooo glad Monkey is well. I am also glad that Tee and Rex are being so wonderful. It must be great to have them there for you in this roller coaster time. I know you are a new mom and a worried wife, but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

I've been a lurker on your posts as we were due around the same time (my little boy is 3 weeks old today). I've admired the honesty with which you post and enjoyed the no BS approach you take with your writing. I'm so happy for you that Monkey has arrived safely. That is fantastic news. I'm equally horrified that your hubby is in the cancer ward. So, just wanted to post a comment and let you know that there is another person out there thinking positive thoughts for you. From the way you and your family (mother excl) come across in your posts I believe that if anyone can get through this it's you guys. I'll be thinking only positive thoughts for you and Mr TC and your family.

Take care of yourself.

Clare

Bee Cee said...

I am thinking of you all TC. I am glad Monkey is doing well, I hope you can all enjoy him as much as possible. I am wishing and hoping that Mr TC's results bring the news that we all want for you.

Wordgirl said...

Oh Ms.Topcat,

I have been thinking of you so often -- truly, as if you were someone I had come to know here and who had shared coffee and stories with --and I remain steadfastly your friend -- thinking of you, rooting for you, praying for you (though in my own lapsed catholic way).

My love goes out to you and yours Topcat, always,

Pam

Dr. Grumbles said...

Hoping for the best for you, Monkey, and Mr. TC.

nancy said...

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I'll be waiting for updates. NO CANCER IN THE BONES vibes. ~hugs~

anna said...

So glad you're back. I'm thinking of you and your family daily and sending all the prayers and good karma I can possibly find. This too shall pass...

vamplita said...

Thinking of y'all and sending as many positive vibes your way as I can muster!

Please take care of yourself.

Here I am said...

Congratulations on your new baby! My heart goes out to you- you are unbelievably strong. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.