Tuesday, 16 December 2008

... and they lived happily ever after.

I'm now officially changing my husbands name to The Bulletdodger.

No sign of tumours. All gone. "Cancer go bye-bye" was the text I sent to my sisters this afternoon.

The doctor was his usual limp self .... talking something about a "trace" of something they found up in his chest region (near his lungs, like I thought). But he "thinks" it's ok. I know Mr TC won't get a second opinion on that, and if I asked him he would look at me like I was crazy. I just hope the doc is right.

Told us there is a 20% chance Mr TC will get some form of cancer back, at some stage. It's funny - I think those odds are FANTASTIC. However, when I had to do an amnio last year, there was a 0.2 percent chance there was something wrong with the baby - I was terrified. Go figure.

So what the fuck was the point of all that for? I mused aloud, in the car on the way home. Mr TC started rabbiting on about work, and money, etc. I said what we have learnt from it is that life is so precious, so fragile. We just have to live in the moment. Can't we just do that? Please can we do that.

He doesn't need to go back to the doctor for another four months.

I have reached a new, insane level of tired. Every cell in my body has exhaled. Even my marrow is tired. We got back home this afternoon, and Mr TC had to go back out again.

I was left by myself, feeding Monkey in his highchair with nothing but a bib on - no nappy, praying that he wouldn't decide to take a crap halfway through his jar of store-bought baby food. He didn't. I looked into his eyes ... they are the most intensely blue eyes I've ever seen. What came out of my mouth, over and over and over again?

"Welcome home, Monkey! Welcome home. This is your home!"

Like I should have welcomed him almost seven months ago. I cried, but not many tears came out ... as they were from my deepest well, where I held my saddest pain. Concentrated tears.

This whole experience is long-drawn out trauma and I can't wait to breathe again.

___

I need to say the hugest, most massive thanks, to you. For continuing to come here, and read and support me. Especially the last few months, when I fell off the world for a bit, and floundered around. I disconnected from everything.  Hopefully, the storm has now seemingly passed.

I am so sorry if I have offended people by not returning comments. I know when I visit someones blog and take the time out to comment, I kind of would like some acknowledgement.
And I have not always done that in return. I almost stopped writing here completely.

But I didn't, and here I am and there you are. And that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East.

We won this years cancer battle. Goodbye, tumours. Hope you shut the door on your way out. I hate you.

As for the future? Only time itself knows. I don't know. Doc said it could come back - in six months, or six years. Or never.

But, you know what? Mr TC could get hit by a freaking bus. So could I. A plague of locusts might come and eat our eyes straight from the socket. A tornado could rip us all to shreds.

I. Don't. Care.

Because every single day, from here on in, is a BONUS. Every day. I vow to stress less, stop being such a bitch, appreciate life more, and to not forget the clarity that this year has brought.

The Bulletdodger is calling for the pancakes I promised to make, as a celebratory dessert. He has already had a celebratory quickie, in our walk-in-wardrobe with the kids walking around the house wondering where we went. Ha!! Told him he never needs to have an affair.

SO, my Blessed Peepage - thank you so, so much. I love you.

Now go give your loved ones a kiss. Immediately.

Tell them Topcat sent you.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

i am so so happy for you all! I couldnt exhale until i had read your entire post, i just think this is fantastic news! I hope you have the most wonderful christmas ever with all your wonderful fellas! X x

Betty Boop said...

I too was holding my breath while reading!! Fantastic news TC. :) Have a fantastic christmas and week away, and enjoy this time with your beautiful family.

Almamay said...

I can't tell you how happy I am for you and Mr TC. I was dreaming about you both last night hoping for a good result.

Look after your good self and those men of yours!!

OHN said...

This is the first place I came when I turned on my computer. I feel so much relief for you, almost as though we were in this fight with you.

We don't know why we are put through some of these rocky roads in life. It has to have some reasoning and I imagine it does have something to do with giving us a good smack to the head and making us realize what actually is important in our lives.

TC, one word to you....please take care of YOU. Sometimes the low (calm) after the high (the cancer storm)can grab you by the throat. Almost like you don't have to worry so something else sneaks into that space. Just take care of YOU and breathe in those wonderful children.

jbondsgirl said...

HOORAY!!!!! I am crying right now, I am so happy for you. This is such excellent, wonderful, fantastic, amazing news. LONG may it continue. I'm sending you a huge hug from my side of the world. Sam sends Monkey a fist bump.

Enjoy your pancakes!

xoxoxoxoxox
Flicka, grog-maker extraordinaire!

Wordgirl said...

I have tears in my eyes -- and good ones -- happy "thank you UNIVERSE you were paying attention" kind of tears.

Topcat -- I remember once when they were talking about the pros and cons of the internet and I thought to myself it will always be a pro to me because of the freaking miracle that happened here -- sisters in spirit -- and in real life if it weren't for all that blessed water between us -- someday I will come to Australia and when I do I will give everyone giant giant hugs -- and then the Mr.'s can get lost together building some shit and we can lovingly mock them and watch kids run around.

I am so so so so fucking happy for you and yours Topcat (I pulled out the f-bomb, sorry I just couldn't help it -- ah so ladylike)

Love,

Pam

kateypie35 said...

Wonderful fantastic news!!! I can't imagine the relief you must be feeling, gah! Mr. TC did it!!! He kicked cancer's ass! You made it, you made it, you made it....

Fertilized said...

ah this is such a huge relief for your family! let the healing begin

G$ said...

Oh TC, this is great news and it brings tears to my eyes. In fact, it knocks out my usual sarcastic wit and replaces it with gushing happiness for you guys. I puffy heart you and yours.

YAY Bulletdodger kicked cancer's ass!

xoxoxoxoxo

Marie said...

I am so happy for your family. Merry Christmas to the Topcats!!!

battynurse said...

Yay!!! I'm so glad the cancer is gone. I hope that you can all get back to life as it was originally intended.

JJ said...

So thankful, happy and just all smiles reading this news!

Dora said...

Oh, what a relief to read! Enjoy the well earned celebrations. Love the story of the quickie in the wardrobe! Big hug, girl!

Stop over and check out my news. :-)

Stacie said...

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. My heart is filled for you and the Mr!

Rachel Inbar said...

Amazing! I am so happy for all of you.

Diana said...

YAYYYYYY!!!! Such wonderful news! I am very happy to hear the horribleness has gone. Now if only you could get some rest!

areyoukiddingme said...

Great news! And I think you will have a ton of energy, now that you don't have to devote it all to worrying, fighting cancer on your husband's behalf, or feeling guilty for not taking as good of care of the rest of the world as you think you ought. Your Monkey and your Tiger will both benefit from a lighter load.

And why would you be surprised that Monkey loves you (in reply to the previous post)? You're giving him what he needs. Only you think you're lacking - because you've been split in so many directions. Lighten up on yourself. There's only so much a girl can do. He knows the love is there.

rex said...

Mate - words cannot describe the absolute relief and joy I feel for you TC's right now - what a crazy fucked up journey ey! Love you brozone xx

annacyclopedia said...

Right. The. Fuck. On!!!!!

I am so thrilled for you all - thrilled and relieved and joyful and grateful and glad. I wish you didn't have to go through all you've gone through to get here, but I am so fucking happy that you're here now.

I raise my lukewarm licorice spice tea in your general direction and drink to your health and the health of your family!

Tee said...

Now THAT is the shit!

I can't wait for christmas now, I was excited before, but what a fucking pearler of a christmas present.

We could all take some of that lesson you've learnt this year. Take it and run with it, far away, to the land of cancer free; live happily ever after with our blokes, our kids, our temper free selves, oooo what a world, what a wonderful world.

Tell the bullet dodging quickie receiver that I love his cancer free guts...

xxxx oooo xxxx oooo xxxx oooo xxxx

PaleMother said...

Oh TC, That is bleeping awesome news. Thank God! I'm so happy for you all.

Been like a caged animal today because my laptop wouldn't boot this morning, so I couldn't check in on you -- of all days to be off line. Had to run off and do fifty things. Then finally, after fifty tries, the laptop resurrected itself. !!

What great news. It's like a bit of a storm has passed in the part of my brain where I keep you.

I'm so glad you didn't quit. Breathe, Baby.

Peace, out.

XXOO

D.

Vee said...

That is absolutley fucken awesome news !!! The best xmas present any one could have asked for it.


I applaud you all for getting through cancer hell ! Well done xx

Evil Stepmonster said...

WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah {that's me happy dancing round the room!}

That is just the most awesome news ever. You did it! You kicked cancer's ass! You win! Winners are grinners, Losers go home! Cancer go bye bye.

bleu said...

What fanfuckingtastic news TC. I am soooo relieved, and feel that exhale with you.

Much love to you all!!

Geohde said...

Topcat, topcact, TOPCAT!!!

Sniff....

Fucking awesome.

Just fucking awesome.

What else is there to say?

xx

J

Tobacco Brunette said...

Oh yay. Oh YAY. OH YAY.

TC, what a huge relief. I'm so happy for you and your family. And I'm off to kiss Owen in his cradle, right now. I'll give him your regards.

XOXO

TB

Kirsten said...

Not sure if I have delurked before but just wanted to say I am SOOO happy for you guys. That is awesome news and I'll pray that it continues but, for now...there's lots of life to be lived!!!!

MrsSpock said...

Goodbye Tumors- please go take a flying fuck in a rolling doughnut.

You guys did it- you made it through!!

...and now I shall dance the dance of joy....

sugaredharpy said...

oh, hooray!!! I'm so happy for all of your!

dee said...

What fantastic news TC. The light at the end of the tunnel has arrived. Embrace it and each other--and thank you for reminding me/us that every day is a gift.

I bet those pancakes were the best pancakes ever for Mr. TC (as was that quickie)!

:-)

Korechronicles said...

I've been a very occasional commenter here but I could not let this post go by without saying how bloody fantastic this news is. What a sensational way to head into the Christmas celebrations. And to you, dear Topcat, the biggest gold medal and most spectacular march-past for the brilliant effort you have put in to get the Bulletdodger and your beautiful sons through THE most difficult and terrifying time. You are a LEGEND!

vamplita said...

TC!! How fanfrickintastic is that?? Congratulations to Mr. TC, and to you, m'dear. I'm beyond blissful for you. Cherish your babies, sweetie. You deserve it!

fuckcancerfuckcancerfuckcancer :)

XXOOXX

geminigirl64 said...

mwaa.. couldnt have heard better news today!

JoC said...

Fantastic news!!! Soooo happy for you all. I love that bulletdogger has his smell back and you guys have rediscovered your mojo! Merry Christmas to you all!

Dora said...

I've given you an award on my blog. You ROCK!

anna said...

YEY! I'm so happy for you and your family. Now, I can uncross every digit on my body as I've been crossing my fingers and toes for a while now that all will turn out o.k. for you...so glad!

Beautiful Mess said...

OMFG!!!! That's GREAT news! Congratulations!!!
Hugs
-D

nancy said...

fucking great news. I don't even need to put exclamation points on that because it's so fucking obvious. wow. exhale is right. wow.

even your bone marrow is tired. i just watched an episode of some show where the chef dude goes around and eats weird shit and he said his very favorite meal EVER is roasted marrow. It was brought out in the bone, the marrow all steaming and he took big bites of it - looking quite gelatinous. ick.

damn tc. i'm happy for you. love.

Arian said...

Oh TC! I am so happy to hear such wonderful news! Woohooo! I wanted to type out some eloquent or meaningful comment, but jeepers! There are no words for how wonderful that is! Yay!

Erin said...

That is THE most amazing best news ever! SOOOOOOOOOO very thrilled for all of you!

Sugar and Ice said...

I'm just catching up! I saw those lovely summery looking pictures of you guys on FB and reminded myself that I needed to head the heck over here and see how things are going. What wonderful news I had waiting for me!!