Thursday, 21 June 2007

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up folic acid ...

I am so excited and happy, cannot believe what a difference a phonecall makes. It was like my entire life was hanging in the air, tilted on its axis, waiting waiting waiting for that infernal, final go-ahead from the BUSIEST DOCTOR I HAVE EVER KNOWN. Here's a tip - if you're too busy to talk to your new patients, then don't take on any more new patients! Ahem.

After much silence from her, Mr TC had to step in and start calling her, trying to placate his increasingly distressed wife. I just wanted to know, once and for all. For Christs sake - if I'm like this now, imagine what I'll be like at egg retrieval/sperm aspiration/hormonal/2ww etc stages?? IF I even get there! (Not to mention my HORROR at the sound of the wand monkey. Get. Fucked.)

IVF depends upon success at every stage. I have experienced a lot of things in my life, but never have I been witness (participant!) in something so .. fraught with emotion, passion, longing, heartbreak, joy. Roller coaster indeed. So I got my go ahead - in writing, no less. I am filling my BCP prescription today - perhaps one of lifes greatest ironies is having to go on the pill to start fertility treatment.

I went to jail yesterday. Down the bottom of the mountain is a maximum security womens prison; I go once a month to hold a meeting there. It scares the shit out of me every time, but God I drive away feeling so, so grateful for where I'm at in my life. When I tell my story to the mothers I talk with such a fire - I tell them they CAN change. They CAN have a better life, get clean, be good mums. Sometimes I look over at the grotty kids play equipment in the visiting area and my heart breaks in despair. But the idealist in me is still there, still hoping.

Wow - got off on a tangent. All of this waiting has given me one good thing - the BURNING DESIRE TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD. Bring it all on, motherfuckers. Even you, oh Humiliating Wand Monkey. I'm more than ready.
xoxoxoxoxoxooxo

5 comments:

Vee said...

Yay ! For getting started !

Good on you for helping others get off a road you have traveled and learnt from. You should be very proud of yourself.

Gemini Girl said...

Yeahy- you can start the process! I felt the same way about the bcp back in march. I had never taken them before- and I found it ironic that I was excited about taking them and getting my period.

You should be very proud of yourself- you got your life together and you have much to be proud of! We'll be here for the journey!

Mony said...

Oh the thrill of it all! You are OFF & RUNNING!....and you won't stop now until you have a baby in your arms! Don't fear the Wand Monkey....toots...with the stuff you've survived in the past I dare say Wand Monkeys will be scared of Topcat!
I'm sure there is a best seller in you "The Topcat Biography"
And just like you tell the gals at AA (What a sad affair)"You Can Do It!"...I am telling Mr & Mrs TC that "You can do IVF!"

Respect, Lady xxx

Mony said...

Hey Bono Girl...I just wanted to tell you that I walked down the aisle to "All I Want Is You.."...

Imogen and David said...

Yipee! Congrats to getting started on BCP. Good on you for trying to help others from your experiences. I appreciate the brutal honesty of your blog.