I Hate Sandcastles

Blogging, I can't quit you.


*sigh*


I am, most definitely, NOT a very nice person lately. At all. Woe betide anyone who dares to ask me 'how I am'. They get the biggest fuck-off vibes in town ..... most of them are genuinely concerned, I'm sure. I just can't help it. I'm angry, bitter, suspicious and jaded. My life feels like a big fat joke. Paranoia is starting to mount .... even here. I have wondered what people really think when they read this blog .... I am very open, I know. Probably too much. I should tone it down a little ... maybe be a bit more light-hearted.


So, in a break from the heavy spin-out posts, here is my day in a pictorial display. In a very light-hearted way.


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I was still utterly furious at Mr TC today. I managed to avoid him all day yesterday, lucky for him. I don't believe I have ever, ever in my life been so angry at someone. (And believe me, I've been angry!!) And yes, relationship issues, new baby, cancer, hard to deal with, etc .... But, the other night was the final straw for me. Today while Tiger was at school, I put Monkey down for a nap ... and upstairs I trudged to his office to have it out with Mr TC.


This is who I looked like, while "resolving relationship issues" this morning .....


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Mr TC, on the other hand, while feebly defending himself, KNEW he was in the wrong and had really, badly fucked up. So he was more like this ......


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It didn't cut the mustard, I'm afraid. (Where on EARTH did that phrase originate from?)
No, siree. He was getting a MASSIVE telling-down by yours truly.


So, he gradually got more pissed, until we were both like this ....


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Except we weren't grabbing each other by the lapels, because, well, we didn't have business suits on. Otherwise we may have. Round and round and round the same old issues we went. 

Until, eventually, we reached an impasse .....

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I believe I had the last words, (of course). Something about leaving.

Now, I'm not going anywhere. Can you imagine if I left, what a cold hearted bitch? "Oh, that poor Mr TC. He got cancer and his WIFE LEFT HIM!!!" The only thing that matters, is Tiger and Monkey being in a secure environment. And they are. What we have all been through sux the biggest dogs balls ... (tempted to post a pic, but will spare you).

Tonight, after Monkey did that awful, terrible, no good screaming for, oh, a mere hour and a half. (I took a phone recording of it and texted it to my 2 sisters, under the heading - Clucky?) ..... I took my first bath in 3 months. (I have been taking showers, though. I promise.) And I shaved my legs, and coiffed my nethers. Actually, I coiffed my nethers with Mr TCs hair clippers. Vengeful, much? It felt so much better. If my vagina was a garden, it would be this one .....

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Finely manicured, indeed.

I sat in the bath, and randomly realised that Mr TC didn't come to visit me in hospital, when I had Monkey. Of couse he didn't ... he was getting exploratory surgery, fucks sake. How terribly strange, that right in the middle of the despicable ten-day period when we didn't know how bad his tumours were ..... I gave birth. I couldn't BELIEVE the unfairness of it, and cried. Then I stopped crying, because, well, you just HAVE to .... and I put my iPod on. In the bath .... I know, very ambitious, but it ROCKED. I listened to Indigo Girls "Closer to Fine" over and over and over again. I first discovered that song ten years ago when I moved up here, I know every note and inflection in their voices. Mr TC wasn't here, Monkey was asleep (Praise Jesus), and Tiger was playing his DS with earphones in, on the couch. I sang every word.

"I went to the doctor,
I went to the mountain.
I looked to the children
And I drank from the fountain.

There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line.
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
Closer I am to fine."

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And they lived happily ever after.



Oh - the title of this post? From this picture. Exactly how I feel on a daily basis.

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