Monday, 11 August 2008

Life. It's Nothing Like the Brochure. *

It snowed! Tiger ran around and around the driveway with his tongue hanging out, catching tiny flakes in his mouth saying "I caught some, mum! I caught some!!"

It didn't settle, so no snowmen. But, it did make the freezing cold weather a little bit more bearable. I DETEST living in such a cold environment, and shamelessly complain every winter. All through my pregnancy, I couldn't wait for this winter to come, thinking it would be the best I have ever had up here. Now I can't wait for it to be over.

Monkey is utterly breathtaking in his beauty. All I ever seem to say about him is how much he cries, but really, he is awesome and I know how lucky we are to have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy little baby. He is 12 weeks old today ..... thank goodness! Newbornland is hard work, and now he is putting on weight, growing out of his clothes and becoming more robust, which is a relief. He slept for 8 hours straight last night, oh how I should have gone to bed when he did!!! Tiger is besotted, but always thinks he stinks. "Mum, I can smell that he did a wee. Mum, his burps stink. Mum he's done a POO YUCK IT'S DISGUSTING."

When Monkey cries, Tiger used to get worried, but not anymore. We make jokes of it, saying to each other "Uh-oh. Wah! Wah! Wah! Somebody call the wah-mbulance!!!" Sorry Monkey, but it is very funny. Tiger is so astute when it comes to what Monkey is like, too. "He always likes travelling, doesn't he mum?"And he does ..... he will grow up to travel the world, I'm sure. If you walk around with him, or go for a drive, he's just so content, because he is moving. He ADORES me!! He wants to tell me so many things, kicking his little legs and flapping his arms around in excitement. He freakin' HATES tummy time, smiles at his toy monkey, and is very close to laughing. He follows Tiger around the room with his eyes, said "Mama' yesterday (well, more like m-a) .... and has more hair than his dad. (HA.)

Tiger asked me the best question anyone has ever asked me. After much thoughtful silence ... "Mum - can thousands and thousands and thousands of ants hold up one elephant?"

I puffy heart Tiger and Monkey 4 EVA.


Nancy has nominated me for the Pink Rose Award! She is one cool chick - NEVER afraid to say what she really thinks, which is so refreshing. She is preggo, after going through so much to get there. I KNEW she was having a boy. I saved her a pair of Monkeys zebra-print newborn pants that I will post to her, because any son of Nancys will be all about the punk-rock. I'm honoured she thought of me. Thank you, Nancy, straight back atcha.

I have decided to nominate one person. I first started reading Vee at The Sweet Life in early last year, just as she found out that her pregnancy ended in a blighted ovum. She carried on, through treatments, always blogging and holding hope. She got pregnant again, but that cruelly ended in more heartbreak for her and her husband Max. I couldn't believe it. I didn't comment on her blog for a while, I guess because I was pregnant and didn't want her to feel obliged to return the comments, knowing how hard it can be to follow a preggo blog. Then, at the beginning of this year, Vees hubbie Max got diagnosed with cancer. I remember reading that post, so shocked and in tears and wishing I could do something to help. I thought, "My goodness, that's terrible! I can't imagine!"

Then, we all know what happened with Mr TC not long after ..... Vee has emailed me so many times, giving me such great advice, from anti-nausea medication, to how totally shit-scary it all is. We are kindreds. Thank you, Vee. Actually, maybe you could stop by her blog? They just got news that Maxs tumours have remained unchanged. I'm sure she would love a virtual hug, even if you've never met her. (Vee - the rules for nominating people are here.)


And as for my current marital status? Well, who knows. Frankly, I am EMBARRASSED about how bad it is. I have prayed for strength and calmness. For Tigers sake, mostly. Using all I have learnt in my almost eight-year recovery, to just breathe, let it go, get out of my own way. Hand it over, get out of the drivers seat, stop treating Spirit like my apprentice. Go to a meeting, talk to people, and remember the HALTS. (Don't get too Hungry, Angry (ha), Lonely, Tired, Serious).

Thank you, lovely internets, for your love. I wish you could all come over for dinner. We could eat, you could drink wine while I eat chocolate, then I could set up the karaoke machine. (I don't have one, but I would buy one in your honour). You could meet my two sons who give my heart a daily reprieve from all the sadness.

* The title of this post was written on a coffee mug of my therapist in rehab, 10 years ago. I still love it.



Wordgirl said...

OH Topcat,

Here I am, after dinner in this corner of the world -- (the family has spent the night looking for deer that come to our feeder) and I was just thinking about how I love the end of summer - and where you are it's snowing!

I wish I could come over for dinner and we could just talk for hours.

I know we would -- and then perhaps not talk and just sit in comfortable silence -- though as we know with boys around there's seldom silence...

I wish I had more comfort than these words --

love and xooxoxo


Stacie said...

Dinner would be perfect! (Sigh contentedly while thinking of how much fun it would be)

Snow! Yikes. I am about to freeze to death when it hits the 60's here. I am a pampered Californian, what can I say? :-)

Sorry about all the upheaval with the Mr. Health issues are hard on a family. In our case with Shawn, we were both healthy and it was still bad. I know it would have been worse had one of the two of us been sick.

It is clear that you are trying hard. He knows that, I think.

I am so glad you have your beautiful boys to help make the dark days just a little brighter.

Much love to you, my dear.

Vee said...

Aaaw shucks TC, thank you so much. That bought tears to my eyes. I read you words and what you are going through and nod my head in agreement, I can relate to so much. I do hate that we are both going through this crap!

I am hoping Mr TC's results are a lot more positive that Max's.

Thanks again- sending you a big HUG.

Almamay said...

I don't know what to say. I know when I've been in a life storm and it is just chucking shit at me non-stop I think, "Just ride the storm and try and keep your marriage, flat, job and mind till this ends." No easy task.

My dad gave me a keychain when I left the psychiatric hospital that said, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." Of course I lost that keychain.

MrsSpock said...

I wish I had some nice words of wisdom, but I just spent all night up every two hours with an uncharacteristically fussy baby.

Instead I'll say that if all you can do during the day is keep putting one foot in front of the other, that's OK.

I emailed you the details of the private blog.

PaleMother said...

((((((hugs))))))))) if you want them, TC. Or you can just hit me instead. :)

"Life. It's nothing like the brochure."

Love it.

"Somebody call the wah-mbulance!!!"

Perfect. :) We'll be using that one around here and thinking of you.


D. was here.

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear, you are doing so well and being so strong. Your an inspiration (((((big hug))))

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, I so badly want to come over for supper! I'll bring something really nummy for the potluck. And I'll eat chocolate with you cause I don't really drink either.

And you are doing great, TC. You're just doing perfect.

Pixxiee said...

I'm coming over for Karaoke. I can't sing, but it might make you laugh.

I'm hoping your winter is short and that spring brings with it all the good things. I'm hanging out for spring too, sick of rain.

I puffy heart you!