Thursday, 28 August 2008

Forsaken

I got so sick that at one point, I nearly went to hospital. My centre of gravity went spinning out of control, and it felt like I was getting sucked down a plughole. I even said to Mr TC .. "I think I'm going to DIE."

I was freezing, no matter how many layers I put on. I would shiver and shake in my lonely bed, with no energy to even turn over. Then I would sweat so much that rivulets would form and criss-cross all over my body. My bed now smells like my uncles sheep farm. My sister came to help out, but unfortunately, the day she left I took a turn for the worse. So Mr TC had to mind the baby - all day, and all night. The day after his chemo ... he was sick. But I was more sick. We were hobbling around each other. All Hail the Broken People.

Sick sick sick. I had numerous crying sessions, especially when there was nobody to stroke my neck or bring me a cup of tea. I cried at the injustice of everything we have been facing, how my husbands face scared the shit out of me again, how poor Monkey and Tiger get their basic needs met but that's pretty much it. Monkey has had a Baptism of Fire in the way of television. He quite enjoys it, actually. (Baby Einstein, over and over and over again).

I kept having false starts of feeling better, but then the Bug of Doom would once again overtake my body and drag me down. I think I picked up a bug in the spa last week. My sister Tee reckons public spas are fine, as long as you wear one of those bucket head things that dogs wear to not bite their stitches. I will NEVER go into that spa again.

Tiger started crying that "I loved Monkey more than him". I told him that Mummies simply cannot love one child more than the other ... it's not allowed.

"And," I whispered, "Haven't you noticed that babies are a little bit annoying??"

He perked up immediately. "YES!" Then looks at his brother with pity. "Ohh, poor Monkey."

So now, finally, I am better. I am taking antibiotics, and I'm coming out of the fog.

Today, I managed to go grocery shopping. With a baby and a wonky shopping trolley. If one, ONE more person comes up to me and asks "Oh my God!!! How's Mr TC?" With that stupid, dumb, slapped arse look of terror and curiosity on their face ... well, I don't know exactly what I will say in that moment, but it will be a doozy. And probably offensive. I promise.

____

It will take me a while to catch up with everyone. My hair has two dreadlocks, there are clothes strewn across the whole house, and dust tumbleweeds sweeping across my wooden floorboards. Welcome the fuck back.

24 comments:

Wordgirl said...

Oh TC,

Beautiful, dread-locked TC...I am so glad you're coming out of it -- being sick is awful, awful, awful.

Yet another moment when I wish I lived next door -- or within a drive so I could help out -- I love the exchange with Tiger about Monkey -- X was just saying that its taken until this point -- what, over six months before W has really taken to being the big brother...

Let the dust tumbleweeds roll, be gentle with yourself my friend -- and welcome back -- it's never the same without you.

XO

Pam

bleu said...

My Goddess that is just awful!!!!!
That bug whooped your fricking ass badly. I am so sorry hun, and having two sickos is just awful.

I LOVE LOVE what you said to Tiger about Mummies not being allowed. I grew up in a family that actually admitted and talked about favorites and it devastated me (even more when I was told I was a favorite of one parent). I loved your entire response so much.

I really think your response should be terror inducing, mention something awful. Seriously, if you tell them an awful gritty truth they won't ask again. Something like barfing while having diarrhea or something of that ilk. lol

I hope you continue to heal and feel better and better.

G said...

So glad you are on the road back to some semblance of recovery :)

I love what you told Tiger too. You may think you are just meeting their basic needs, but I think you are full of awesomesauce.

Get well soon and all that shit.
xo
g

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, poor sweet Topcat! I've been that sick, where I really think I'm going to die. Reminds us why the flu has killed millions of people. It's so miserable. I'm glad you're coming out of it - I'm sure you know this, and I know it's not easy, but rest as much as you possibly can. It takes so much out of you, being that sick. I'm sending you lots of healing wishes and also wishes for some magical butlers to appear and deal with the laundry, etc.

And you are such a perfect mum to your boys - that exchange about favorites was nothing short of brilliant! Awesomesaucy indeed!
I've missed you!

MrsSpock said...

It is so not fair to be that sick right now.

I'm one of five kids and remember saying "You like so-and-so better." when I was tiger's age. My mother said something similar to what you said. And I still remember it at age 30.

Who wants to bet Tiger will do the same.

Jodi said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. I'm so sorry you are sick on top of everything else you have to deal with.
I just wanted to say you are amazing.

lub said...

Ughh- I hate being sick! You guys are troopers! (ICLW)

Gemini Girl said...

I had that bug when we flew to Israel in May- it was horrible. O shivered, then I was sweating.... it was bad. I'm sorry you feel like hell honey.

Wish I could have come over and made some chicken soup and watched monkey.. sending you positive vibes

dee said...

Gah, having a cold/flu/plague is never a good time. Sorry to hear you've gone and caught some sort of nasty.

Glad to hear that you're slowly starting to feel better and that Mr. TC is managing to help you with the boys during his own toughest days while you recuperate.

Hang in there :-)

Arpee said...

Hi! It's my first time to visit your blog. I'm just glad that you are feeling better now. Am sure your 3 boys like that too, huh?

BTW, I loved your preggo photo and the magazine photos. Did you call everybody you know about it? :)

~Jess said...

I hope you are all doing better soon. I think you all need a vacation *hugs*

ICLW

Vee said...

OH TC that is horrible, I am so glad you are on the mend. I had the Flu shot for the 1st time ever this year only because I was scared of catching anything and giving it to Max. When I read that I thought I so glad I did, the Flu can be dreadful.

I love what you said to Tiger. I think you are a beautiful mother and doing a wonderful job.

A holiday certainly sounds like a great idea!.

Geohde said...

The two of you in the wars sounds like hell....

And MR TC working through chemo? Mate....hard yakka don't cover it.

I can't wait for the day that everyone in your house is well and the whole c-word is a distant memory.

xx

J

Evil Stepmonster said...

Sorry you've been so sick, my lovely, especially with no-one to look after you. Having the flu is awful, hope you're on the mend now.

Btw, I'm with Geohde - wtf is Mr TC doing working the day after chemo? Hell yes he should sell up and take a very long holiday. He's obviously brilliant at what he does, so he can start again when he's better. But you can't tell them....

Take care, get better, keep away from public amenities.

Vacant Uterus said...

Yick, a bug from the spa! So not fair to get the pampering you need and then have it all undone by horrible sickness. Blech!

That was the PERFECT thing to say to Tiger. Genius! I'm filing it away for the future just in case we get lucky enough to have another.

Feel better sweet Topcat. I thinking of you.

xx

tobacco brunette said...

Oh my god, love. You poor thing - that sounds so awful. Damn, the TC family has been through some shit this year. I'm thinking 2009 reallllly owes you.

I hope you're back to yourself soon. Ignore the tumbleweeds and focus on your health and family.

Sending you good thoughts and healthy vibes. Miss you!

XOXOX

Dora said...

Man, you are way overdue for a break! SO not fair. Feel better!

BTW, GREAT answer to Tiger.

Sugar and Ice said...

My goodness...what a terrible time you've been having. I'm so happy you're feeling better...but good grief, you really do deserve to go on vacation a couple of years.

Beautiful Mess said...

HOLY HELL, LADY!!!!! You've had a bad few days! Glad you're back to the land of the living! LOVED that you told Tiger babies are annoying, that's the BEST response EVER! Be good to you and hope your house hold gets better SOON!
-D *ICLW*

Caba said...

Seriously, you really really really deserve a break. I have no idea who is responsible for handing out this "breaks" but would some please offer you one??

Your family is just dealing with some much ... I'm angry about it.

Amanda said...

I'm so glad that you're finally shaking that bug. Ugh.

Your conversation with Tiger rocked! I'll have to remember that when my boys come.

Tell the rude ass people that can't mind their own business something to shock them. They may just leave you alone after that!

Stacie said...

You poor thing! Being sick is terrible, and it sounds like you had something fierce. Glad you are on the mend.

Now, I am thinking I need to see a picture of these dreads. That has got to be a sight!

I need to get you a t-shirt that says something like "F Off -- Yes, you!" Then the idiots would know to stay away with their stupid looks. In fact, I am going to see what I can do about that...

Much love to you as always.

Stacie said...

Get this. Google "fuck t-shirts" and you get pages and pages of places that sell them! I suppose I had never thought about it before.

How do you feel about red?

anna said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better. Gosh, that bug was awful! Like you haven't had enough on your plate, huh?!
I loved the exchanged with Tiger over which child is loved more... you're a brilliant mother!