Tuesday, 2 September 2008

El Sandi

“The heat that’s in the sun
… will keep us when there’s none.”
U2 – Window in the Skies

We got in the car and drove north. After I last posted, I developed an allergic reaction to the antibiotics and swelled up like a balloon, and then Tiger woke up one morning covered in a purple rash. I lost it. I was dangerously, perilously close to chartering a magic white horse to gallop me far up to heaven, to God Himself, and punching him square in the face. Enough. We have had Enough.

So, Mr TC gave everyone at work a week off, we packed our stuff, and went chasing the sun. We just drove further and further up. Monkey is a motherfucking hero, not a peep out of him the whole way. He just slept. Sometime recently, he has morphed into a superstar baby who does not cry much, and sleeps like a champion. It’s funny … with Tiger, I would fuss over him, and lay next to him to make him go to sleep. Mr TC would roll his eyes, and mutter something about the “Golden Child”. Monkey slept in a different bed 3 nights in a row recently, and it didn’t faze him at all. I am so laid back, the second time around. Considering.

I have missed you, friends in the computer! I had a dream that I could see multi-coloured rays of light beaming on us from all over the world, and it was you and your love and I thank you, more than you will ever know. I thought I would start a little IVF blog, have a baby, than tie it with a neat ribbon and say, that’s that then. (The blog, not the baby). I now know that I will always blog. It’s opened up an amazing world of wonderful, colourful, amazing souls. I expect to be bugging the nurses in my old people’s home in a few decades .. for a better internet connection.

Winter of 2008 is dead. It was without a doubt, the worst winter I have ever known. Ever. It was Australia’s coldest August in more than a decade ….. so blustery, and freezing, and bone-achingly cold. To be up north now, and feel the warmth of the sun on us …. is sublime. Spring has motherfucking sprung. The warmth and sand have oozed into us, bringing us all back to life. Mr TC is the sickest he’s ever looked. He has gained weight, which he is worried about. Of course, he keeps prodding the jelly on MY belly, to make him feel better. I’m like, I have just had a BAY-BEE, turdburger! What’s your excuse? (Ha – the spell-check for ‘turdburger’ suggested ‘torturer’ instead).

His excuse, of course, is the chemo. I keep battling this awful feeling that this will be the only family holiday we will ever know. I’m pretty sure I’m wrong, but it feels yucky nonetheless. I’m used to seeing women always check Mr TC out, right in front of me. It never fails to piss me off, and he always thinks it’s hilarious. Alas, no chick checks him out these days, as he is so sickly, pale, almost devoid of eyelashes. I can’t believe I can’t wait till he starts getting the once-over again!

I painted my toenails. For the first time since the baby was born, I have red toenails again. I took a photo, but don’t think you can see the red …….



Did I mention we are staying DIRECTLY across the beach! That is the view from our freakin BED. We drove straight here, looked at the To Let sign in the window and booked it. Mr TC is at the beach right now, with Tiger. Monkey is asleep. I’m writing this in a word document, and will try to hack into a wireless somewhere to post.

I bought a black hairband with a silver heart on it, which, according to holiday tradition, will last all of 5 minutes. There is no decent coffee here. We will go 10 pin bowling, and do a dolphin cruise, I will buy a summer dress, and Tiger shall bond with Mr TC. Nobody in this town knows us, which is blessed relief. I will soon get my eyelashes tinted and brow waxed …. maybe even a haircut!

We may never go home again! (Edited to add .... I just posted this, but now Monkey woke up and I have to go, boo! I will be back - alone, to catch up on everyone. I am STARVED of my bloggys news!! Starved, I tell you!! xox)

XOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXO




19 comments:

Stacie said...

It sounds heavenly...and I am so glad you are there. Rest. Relax. Enjoy, my dear. You deserve nothing less.

Much love to you as always.

Geohde said...

Such a well deserved break away. And I wish some of that warm weather would head south....

xx

J

Vee said...

I am so jealous I would love a beach holiday ! Glad the sun is shining on you and your family. Enjoy!

Tee said...

Happy happy HAPPY fucking holiday!

MrsSpock said...

It seems to be a very healing holiday...

It is odd to me to hear about a cold August winter LOL...

Caba said...

Sounds magical! I hope you have a chance to enjoy this much needed break. And I hope it rejuvinates you all! Much love to you all ... and I love that Monkey is a motherfucking hero. What a rock star you have!

Gemini Girl said...

First of all, it makes me laugh that you say August is cold. As you know august is usually the hottest month in the east.

I am so glad you are relaxing- go take care of yourself woman. Get waxed, eyebrow tinted (?) and get yourself all gussied up. You deserve it!

Gemini Girl said...

I meant in the west... as I live in NY- Which is the east of america...

annacyclopedia said...

So glad you have gotten a good break. I've been missing you, too!

Pixxiee said...

I can't see your toenails but anytime you want them painted, just let me know! Sooo very glad you are having a wee break. I think you guys so needed it. What a lovely spot - and so warm looking. I'd like to come play on the beach - it's getting better over here but still a wee bit cool.

You know...when you talk about your past, I understand, but it's almost as though you are talking about someone who is completely different from you now. You are a wife. And a mother. And clean. And while those hurts and sadnesses are always going to be there for you, please have a hug from me for being so damn strong and getting through this.

And I so cannot believe that I am a Kiwi and have never been to Queenstown, but that YOU have! Bloody hell!

Pixx

OHN said...

Topcat...you ran away from home..I love it :)

Here August is HOT. How far did you have to drive to hit the warm beach?

Evil Stepmonster said...

How my heart lifts at the thought that someone somewhere in Australia has the warm sun on their face! Ahhh what bliss! And I'm so glad it's you TC - you deserve it most of all. How fucking cold has it been this winter??

Beautiful Mess said...

You're are MORE then welcome to "steal" my name ;o) You're also more then welcome for all the support. I haven't been in your situation per se, but I do know what it's like to see a loved one so sick. Thank you so much for your comment on my blog..it's been a day. Those damn kids need to stop growing up! Hope you enjoyed your day. Post pics if you get your hair cut!
-D

dee said...

That view? To die for.

Enjoy dear TC. You all deserve the break.

Hope the cold departs soon and winter eases up some.

Vacant Uterus said...

How lovely! That view is divine and I am so glad that you are all enjoying yourself somewhere off the grid. I hope you went all Jason Bourne on everyone and didn't say where you were going. :-)

xxoo
Flicka

kateypie35 said...

I am so jealous! Our beach holiday involved a seedy motel with no view. We did have a pool and could walk to the beach though, so I guess I will stop complaining now. Ha! I am so glad you got a vacation...and spa treatments to boot! No family deserves it more!

nancy said...

Sweet.

Find the sun. Relax. Pretend the rest of the shitty shit isn't happening. Fabulous.

Hey. I just got red toenails too.

Wordgirl said...

Oh TC -- you are so beautiful AND such a gorgeous writer -- I am one of those beams of light thinking of you and yours, so often really -- so often it feels as if we've met.

Relax, soak up the sun, the time with your family, the coming spring...I am wishing you all the very best and restful vibes -- with a bit of fun and laughter thrown in.

XO

Pam

anna said...

Yey! A much deserved vacation. Eat up that sun and all of it's healing powers for you and your family. Always thinking of you and your lovely family.