Thursday, 25 September 2008

Maybe I Am Beige Now Too

Had a hard few days. I'm putting WAY too much pressure on myself lately, to work from home and mind Monkey. It's getting harder, too, as he gets older. I end up getting nothing done. I half mind the baby, half work, and half go crazy. I'm swimming through mud.

Mr TC and I take it in turns to get all morose. It's been his turn this week, my God he looks so pale and awful, depressed and fed up.

Buoyed from the fucking incredibly insightful comments on my last post, I rang Sandi (that silly masseuse!) to tell her that I won't be using the voucher, maybe she could offer my friends their money back. She was quite cold, I was quite weepy from calling my favourite auntie to tell her she can't come up and visit me tomorrow. (I blamed Mr TC, but the reality is I just don't want to see anyone. Ummm, anxious, much?) Anyway, I told Sandi exactly why I got so upset. She denied it, which made me turn into a kid again and doubt my whole reality. It was weird ... having this nitpicking conversation with a massage therapist about the state of my husbands tumours. I mean, seriously. I softened my tone, and brought it back to my reality on a daily basis of people putting in their two-cents worth. I just wish she could have owned her stuff, instead of flitting around. She said I "misunderstood" what she was saying .... she also said she hardly slept all weekend because she felt so bad. I believed that bit, for she is a mainly nice person. Just fucking dumb. She kept telling me what the internet told her ... finally I said "Sandi! Do you think you are telling me things I don't know?? This is our life! We have been living this every day for five months!"

She shut up. And offered me a limitless supply of massages, which I shall never redeem. Because she's a liar liar pants on fire sitting on the telegraph wire.


Recently, I received an email out of the blue, from someone I had never heard of. She said her name was Kate, and that she had been reading my blog for a while. She told me all the wonderful stuff, (how cool I am, naughty cancer, I rock, etc) ... and asked for my address, because she lived near the HERSHEY FACTORY in AMERICA ... and had a crazy idea that some chocolate might make me feel better. Now. My dilemma ..... on one hand, she could be some 47 year old, obese, psychopathic guy living in Sydney with a penchant for redheads, OR, she could be the real deal. My brain was chanting "HERSHEYS. HERSHEYS. HERSHEYS."

She. Sent. Emergency. Supplies. OMFG.

And, when I wear my "Go Away" t-shirt so much it needs a wash .... (and I SO will. I have B.O. issues - ask my sisters. It's like, I have man glands or something. I actually have to throw t-shirts away after a while, because they just stink so bad. Or, I have to soak them in disinfectant. Good grief, is NOTHING sacred with me? No?) ...

I can swap it for this one ...

Thank you, oh Kate from It Is Tuesday, Right? For the hats and the Monkey rattle too. Totally was a bright ray of sunshine, in our otherwise fucked week. I have been on the recieving end of quite a few goodies in the mail, I am so lucky and blessed. You American chicks are so freaking generous. I think I'm an American at heart, I have always felt like I could live in Tucson. I don't even know where the fuck that is!

The hilarious thing? Mr TC thinks all the parcels recently have been from the same person. I pressed him on it.

Me: "Who? Who do you think the parcels are from?"
Mr TC: "Ohh, you know hon. That woman from your email support group."
He does not understand the concept of blogging. That's ok.


Geohde said...

In order-

Ack and poop to the financial stuff. It plain old sucks. And you get in trouble these days for printing your own in a pinch (okay, bad joke)...

Crap that you're both feeling blech, even if it isn't at the same time.

Someone needs to belt the 5K stealer-er upside the head and knock some much needed sense and compassion into it. Nasty.

Stuff the masseuse. Nuff said.

Oh, and bloody awesome on all the chocolate!!

xx (as always)


battynurse said...

Wow! Chocolate. Very cool. The massues lady needs to get a clue. Like you said, why can't she own her stuff. I hope the money stuff straightens out, money problems suck so bad. Hang in there and hugs to you.
Glad you like my lime cat too!

Wordgirl said...

Oh Topcat.

Fuck. G always has this expression that always makes me laugh about people who are pushing happiness - as 'blowing rainbows and sunshine out their arseholes' (I love arse -- its somehow better than 'ass')

That being said I'm sending love your way -- and choocolate is so so much better...

And I would ALWAYS recognize you... can you imagine how we would've found some quiet out of the way place when we were seven and plotted all sorts of things, living in our own world away from all that...shite. (Again, I may just pick up Australian)

Love and more,



MrsSpock said...

We are in a similar financial situation- it sucks donkey balls. We're not screwed yet, but one major catastrophe and we could be...bleh.

I hope Mr TC has canceled that credit card.

As for Anna- sorry that ding-dong couldn't get a clue. Of course, "I'm sorry and I fucked up" is one of the hardest things to say.

I am drooling over all that chocolate...

G said...

I dont understand why people dont just own it and apologize and move on. Because they are WRONG when they hurt your FEELINGS, no amount of justification works, it's your FEELINGS. Gawd, that's one of my pet peeves.

You are the farthest person from beige I have ever "met"

Enjoy the chocolate. Not all in one sitting though. But maybe, if you did that you wouldnt smell like BO, just chocolate... :)


PaleMother said...

"It's getting harder, too, as he gets older. I end up getting nothing done."

Ack, I'm so there right now. I forgot how crazy-making it can be ... by the end of the day, I'm fit to be tied. Even the best multi-tasker is going to crash and burn with a toddler hanging off of one leg; They always win. Not complaining. Just observing. I guess it's just The-Time-Of-Getting-Nothing-Done ... ten times worse for you with the additional stress (!) ... it would be easier to accept that if only the rest of the world changed their expectations. lol.

I'm so sorry about Anna and all the fools like her. :(

"She said I "misunderstood" what she was saying .... she also said she hardly slept all weekend because she felt so bad."

If the problem is merely that *you* misunderstood ... if she is so innocent ... what's she got to loose sleep over? What she said to you was just sick, no matter what her (unexamined, thoughtless) intentions. It's really mean and weak of her to try and put her mistake onto you when you are burdened enough.

Some people are just so terrified of being 'bad' ... that they can't own their stuff, as you put it. My mom has a bit of that. In my less vengeful moments ... when I can see her running from herself like a bat out of hell ... I feel so sad for what must have been done to her as a child to put that *fear* in her. If you don't think you are worthy of forgiveness, then it's a tough life for sure, eh?

Sorry, too, for all the drama ... especially the tension of the finances. I'm sure your talent is worth a mint, btw. :) PT for some really good luck, really soon.



bleu said...

Yay for the chocolate stash.

I am proud (like I am your ma or something) that you called and confronted her, even if she is incapable of owning her shit I think it is great you did it.

Her lack of professionalism and inability to just listen and be a frickin healer, what she purports herself to be, is incredible.

Vacant Uterus said...

Hahaha! I want to be part of your email support group, I just haven't thought of anything cool enough to send you yet. Except Bogart but he was really always yours. I'd send you Mitch but he's not very reliable in any case.

Erg! to Anna. Can't believe she didn't get it and then DID THE SAME THING AGAIN! What the freaking freak? I'm so glad you said what you said to her. I am really sorry she took you back to your childhood because no, you did not misinterpret reality. She is trying to hide from the idea that she could have hurt you and she needs to face that, learn from it and move on. Funny how things would be so much better between you if she owned her mistake, said a genuine apology and tried her hardest not to do it again. When people are real like that it makes me soft to them. When they are fartholes who dig in, it makes my head explode.

So sorry about the financial woes; we have them too. Promise you can share my cardboard box if it comes to that. We can live in Tucson.

Gemini Girl said...

that def made me laugh.Not the cancer part tha "Your email support group" comment.


You are quite popular my friend- getting gifts form across the world.

BTW- not to sadden things- but they just found a 5cm growth on my father's kidney. They are doing more tests and he will prob need to have surgery. I think I will be turning to you for some advice this time around.

vamplita said...

I've never been to Tucson, but Sedona (Arizona) is fargin' awe inspiring! Small wonder so many artistic types live there. I'd live there in a heartbeat, if I could afford it.

I'm sincerely hoping that things in Casa Vamplita will chill (no pun intended), so that I can read your blog within the comforts(?) of my own mortgaged-to-the-rafters home. Being up at school dramatically interferes with my ability to comment as I so desire.

Yesterday was the first taste of internet I've had since the hurricane that was Ike... it's mindboggling how much I'd missed it. Damn me and my addictive personality. :oÞ

Pixxiee said...

I love the chocolate. Actually, send ME your address (I promise not to be a fat obese man ready to come over and rape you) and I'll send you some Kiwi Goodies! Was talking to my g/f in WA and she was moaning about the NZ stuff you can't get in Aussie. So. I could have fun with this.

Good job re the masseuse. Umm...aren't they naturally supposed to be all new agey and considerate and sensitive. Not!

Hey. I might even throw in a bottle of water with your package. Hehe.


Almamay said...

Anna's behaviour doesn't surprise me. I would have never spoken to her again.

I'm sorry about your current troubles but you seem to be stocked up on the right cure. Hersheys!

rex said...

Hey bro - fuck that Anna and her fuckin lying arse - silly mole, she knows bro, she fucking knows how unbelievably wrong she was. She'll get hers, you can't get away with shit like that without it haunting you forever. Love that man hand LOVE IT!!! Re. the dough issues, we are right there on that breadline with you my friend, we will be eating beans in the trailer park together - it's exciting wondering where yr moneys going to come from (not!) but fuck it mate - it always works out - write a note to the universe - works for me!

YUM - you better save me a weeny tiny little bar o that choc!

Love the fuck outta you bro


PS. ink pink u stink

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh chocolate!!! What a GREAT gift! You are so loved, how awesome! Money pisses me off! I HATE that it makes the world go 'round. I hate not having enough of it *all the time*. I hate not being able to do things for my family and friends because there's a HUGE lack of it *sigh* SO annoying! Is it bad that I laughed out loud, REALLY loud about the rape comment? Because, seriously? Why the FUCK not?! I have a sick and twisted sense of humor. Please kick Anna in the c*&t and tell her it's from me. K? Thanks. Also give Mr. TC a big hug from me and a kiss on the cheek to feel better ASAP! Done with my novel.
Enjoy your day, hon!

Tee said...

I bet she gives a really fucked up massage.

nancy said...

Ha! You call her to tell her you won't be using the ONE certificate for a massage and she offers you unlimited massages. heh. Some people's kids.

Mmmmm. Chocolate.

Tucson is lame. Don't go there. (I went to ASU in tempe (phx) and UofA were our mortal enemies. It's spilled over to the town it's housed in too. Bah!)

I need to go buy a gift for my husband's aunt. LAME. See? I'm an american chick who is NOT at all generous. Fight the power.

nancy said...

"fight the power?" WTF?

Stacie said...

Yea for chocolate! I love that shirt.

Mr. TC cracks me up. I don't think Is.aac truly gets all of this "blogging" stuff, although he does dabble in it for work. He just doesn't get how connected this makes me to people I have never met. (men. sometimes they are so dumb)

Sorry about the money issues. Hoping Mr TC gets things ironed out soon so you no longer need to worry about it all. I just hate that the economy is doing this to so many people.

Much love and hugs to you and yours as always.

Stacie said...

You know, each time I see the title to this post on my sidebar, it strikes me as so very, very wrong. I have to tell you that you are anything but beige, my dear, even on your down days. You are bright, vibrant, and sparkly--never beige!

r.a.w. said...

Interesting that she lives near H.ershey. That is where my clinic is...

Brainstorm: After all of the bad IF news I got there, I should have been taking a detour through the chocolate factory on the way home!!