Wednesday, 10 September 2008

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel .... let down your golden nipple hairs."

As soon as I hit publish on my last post, my thoughts started to fester. "AM I ok with Mr TCs cancer? Am I in denial? How come I'm so tough about it? Is it just bravado? OMG MY HUSBAND HAS CANCER!!!" .... and so it continued, until I fell into a spiral again. I am in the biggest slump right now .... my bedroom is DISGUSTING. You cannot see the floor. I had this bright idea that a spring clean will make me feel better, so I emptied the entire contents of my cupboard on the floor, to "force" myself to sort through them. I started too .... then I kept coming across my pregnancy clothes, which I wore with such joy and anticipation in my heart. I was looking forward to the baby so much. And then, suddenly, I stopped looking forward to the baby, baby was born into chaos, baby cried a lot. And I would think, "Baby! Stop that crying right now! Don't you know daddy has cancer and mummy cannot deal with your issues!!" Nice.

Of course, we are out of that stage now. Monkey is interactive, smiling, says "Ma" (yes he really does and no-one is telling me otherwise). This morning I felt all fucked up, I was changing his nappy. I tickled him, and he laughed. The sound of a tinkling angel, my God he is just delightful. I carried him to his cot for a nap, and absentmindedly said out loud "Oh, thank GOD I love you!"

So, I have the messy bedroom of a twelve year old, and CANNOT seem to clean it. I lay on my clothes-strewn bed yesterday and played Mario and ate chocolate. I have articles due, need to return about 500 emails ... and I sit like a sloth. I will get my work done - always do. We need the money.  It's real addict behaviour, and is actually a form of self-abuse. Because I do things that feel good in the moment, but I KNOW it makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit. So, I'm blogging about it, in the hopes it can shift. I'm tempted to post a photo of my room, but am too ashamed. It's funny how I will put nice clothes on today, and run errands, and people will see the outside of me and think "Oh, a woman with a baby! How sweet!" But on the inside I feel so low and terrible.

As they say in recovery .. this, too, shall pass. BUT SO DO KIDNEY STONES.


I'm in the process of setting up a google reader account. I keep missing peoples posts and playing catch up. I will update my blogroll too, as I think they are important. Please let me know if you would like to be added.

I will end this post on a very funny, gross thing. Because, I'm thoughtful like that ....

Yesterday, I was in the shower. Now, lately, I have been losing a lot of my hair, as you do after the baby is born. I look down, and see strands of long hair on my boobies. I brush them away .... but they don't come off. Why? Because they were attached to my nipples. Long, golden strands of boob hair, getting lathered by my shampoo.

I swear ... with those plus my incessant chin hairs, I could grow Mr TC his own wig. Except, we would look like brother and sister because we would have matching red hair.


bleu said...

lol on the nipple hair, at least yours is golden!!!

I say give yourself a dwelling time limit (like 24 or 48 hours) and then enjoy the dwell and get all into the funk and then when the time limit is over, get up and clean and get on with your week.

Much love

MrsSpock said...

I second everything bleu says.

I have some old lady chin hairs that I could donate to the wig. It really is disgusting. I hope if I ever end up in a nursing home, some kind aide will shave them.

Yes, answer your emails, including the one from the Barren Bitches Writers Group.

I'd love to be added to the blogroll. Ever since I got google reader, I found it saves me a ton of time as far as trying to click through my blogroll to see who has updated.

Fertilized said...

I have boobie milk on ever surface 0f my house and am not sure where my floor is these days. Clutter just seems to be the norm in my life right now.

Nipple hair .. Check ..these hormones are a bitch

m said...

Have I told you lately that I totally love you? Coz I do...


Stacie said...

I like Bleu's idea. I think I'll incorporate that, too.

You know you are not alone don't you. People say stuff to me like that all the time...yeah I am so together. My analogy is that I am a duck. Things look real good above the water--nice and smooth, right? But underwater, my feet are kicking like crazy to stay afloat. (But I do stay afloat, so I guess that is something)

Vee said...

TC you deal with it the best way you can. If playing Mario and eating chocolate helps then so be it.

I can certainly add to that wig, do you mind if is a red hair with brunette streaks ?

battynurse said...

Hmm. Nipple hairs. I have a few, which are black. Ick. I'm still more concerned with the chin hairs. The joys of aging. I'm going to be one of those old ladies who needs to shave.

Geohde said...

My nipples are pristine.

(runs off to actually have a proper look at her breasts with the tweezers justincase)...



Topcat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tee said...

geez mate if the nipple hairs are long enough to gather their own shampoo lather I can just imagine what the 70s bush must look like!

rex said...

Mate - what about the longest pubes in the world - you forgot about the long pubes!

Personally, I hate those pricks who just pop up between toilet breaks, you know the ones - you go to the dunnycan, check yourself out and yer fine, then 3 hours later you go again - check yourself out and BAM theres an inch long whisker hangin out the side of your cheek - I hate those motherfuckers!

annacyclopedia said...

Um, Topcat? That sound you just heard? Uh, that was me falling even more in love with you.

I was having a massage once and I was lying on my back with the sheet covering my boobs. I started no feel a weird sensation on my left nipple area, and I opened my eyes to see my massage therapist trying to pick away one of my straggling nipple hairs. I had to tell her that it was attached to me, and she apologized but said she was worried that it was a hair from her dog.

Hairy-boobed, messy-roomed, addict-behavioured, out-of-date blogrolled, chocolate-eating slothy girls unite!

Hope it shifts for you soon. Bleu's advice is very good, I think. I should probably try that with a few of the things I'm stuck on.

Jodi said...

I'm going to jump on the Bleu bandwagon. You are allowed bad days!

I would love to be added to your blogroll, if you don't mind...

Gemini Girl said...

Unwanted hair- the story of my life (I am middle eastern).

My house is an utter mess as well- I just dont have the energy or the will to clean it. thinking of bringing in a pofessional in two weeks (b4 my grandfather visits from israel). Ah- facade's!

Wordgirl said...

My lovely red-haired friend,

My closets have my clothes in heaps on the floor, and not because I have a lot of them but because I shovel them in there when I can't bear to deal with them -- this is my arena -- oh the dishes in the sink -- and don't get me started on the clutter of the cabinet where I open one and all the glass spice jars rain down on me. And what do I do when I tell myself I should be tending to it? Reading usually.

I tell myself that I can only do what I can do -- and I try to be gentle with myself -- a tough call because I am hardest on myself...I hope that today is a brighter day with more of Monkey's laughter.

It's funny -- I save your posts and savor them like a good book that I'm about to come to the last page of -- knowing I don't want it to end. That's often why I'm so late in commenting -- I've read and left, and read and come back...what a silly girl I am!

Oh my GOD your sisters...that had me laughing almost as much as the original comment...(ahem...glad I am not alone)



Vacant Uterus said...

Oh goodness, I have the worst nipple hairs! Dark brown, come in thick and in clusters. Argh! I can never get them all out at one time. It's a wonder my husband still finds me attractive. I carry tweezers with me always for my face too, for exactly the situation Rex describes. Thank you, Ukrainian heritage!

Hope you are feeling more motivated today. Wait, that came out wrong. Hope you are feeling more like the gorgeous and divine woman you are today and less low than you have been.


PS~Can I be party of the blogrollgoodness?