Sunday, 16 September 2007

This Aint No Disco

In typical Pisces fashion, I seem to have completely tuned out. Everything is surreal, like I'm walking around in a fog.

"You had me at the spoof"... seriously, my head is STILL trying to wrap around the fact that Mr TC had viable sperm. The whole way through this delightful IVF process, the defeatist in me was imagining waking up after ER, with the doctor sadly shaking his head, telling me I went through it all for nil, as there were no post-chemo/vasectomy swimmers left. Then the fert report - then the freakin TRANSFER. Man, the transfer!! Beam me up Scottie - the sight of my four-celled wonder on that screen is ingrained in my brain forever. Then watching gobsmacked as it got shot into my uterine galaxy.

Now apparently the fucker has decided to STICK!! Ummm, I keep walking around looking at people - anyone, thinking, "Wow, you were once some cells floating around and then you implanted and grew, and all your blood and flesh and bones formed, and you became a baby and then entered the world!! Amazing!!" Telling my lovely sister Tee how AMAZING the process was (I may have been rabbiting on for a while) ..... she laughingly said "Uh, yeah - it was called Year 8 Biology, remember?"

I feel - shocked. This shit actually WORKS. I'm blown away - and already showing. Yes, I seriously look three months preggers already - leading to someone already guessing!! I need to creatively hold things in front of me, or something, Because even though I want to shout it from the rooftops, it's waaaayyyy too early. It's so fragile - anything could happen at this point. I haven't peed on a stick for DAYS, thankfully. I want to wait a bit, so that hopefully the next time the second line will come up straight away.

As for IVFs-R-Us - they rang me to tell me I'm "officially pregnant". I was a bit worried about the beta of 66, but she said she "graphed it and everything looks fine" .... and I don't need another beta, she will see me in three weeks for a scan. I don't think I can wait that long - even though I'm eating like a horse, already showing, and pissing like a demon, I will still get another beta soon. Just to appease. I think it's quite normal to be anxious at this stage - and I am. But damn ... I'm determined to start enjoying it. Because it might actually work out. Chances get bigger every step of the way. IVF is like Snakes and Ladders from hell. Thus far, I have avoided landing on a snake head. We shall see - it will unfold as it will. All the worry in the world will not make the slightest bit of difference.

Interesting that I have found myself thanking God lately - does this mean I would have been cursing God, if things hadn't gone to plan? Is this divine, or luck? Isn't THAT a bloody loaded question around these parts. I have been to drug rehabs frequently inhabited by women with neglected kids - or 8 months pregnant women who suddenly realise they'd better "get clean now, before the baby comes". And now, my heart aching for the would-be-WONDERFUL mothers with the BFNs, M/C's, the repeated cycles. I like to think I understand a lot in the world - but I don't understand that, truly.

I'm purposely not letting my mind get too ahead of itself ... too freaky. But I know ... somewhere, deep down inside my psyche, I am doing the Cheesiest Most Delirious Happy Dance in All of the Land. Just don't tell anyone.

19 comments:

SaraS-P said...

I hope those 3 weeks until the scan pass quickly.

Chas said...

Girl, you be as happy as you possibly can be right now! You deserve it!! I also think it does the baby good somehow for mommy to be happy.

As for showing early, I have always heard that with baby #2 you show lots earlier. I hope that is the case if I ever have another...I thought I was never going to get a baby bump the first time around.

Stacie said...

Enjoy these moments! Let the cheesiest most delirious happy dance in all the land out of your deep psyche! Girl, face it. YOU. ARE. PREGNANT! Yay!

r.a.w. said...

It is so amazing that this worked. Congratulations, sister!

Geohde said...

Let me say again just how happy I am for you. :)

Now if you could send some of that working-IVF-cycle stuff THIS way, I'd be appropriately grateful.

The Dunn Family said...

Congrats again to you! I always find myself floored that our IVF worked. When I look at the pics of the embryos they transferred and the babies I now have, I just can't believe that IVF works! It's just so damn crazy! So you be happy and crazy and enjoy this! And I hope the next 3 weeks fly by for you!

anna said...

I'm doing a happy dance for you as well! It is is amazing and awesome and surreal, right?! Congrats!!!

Von said...

Okay. This way to weird. This is the second time I've left a comment and it hasn't shown up. I'm sure it was an interesting one too....... Bugger.

Trevor said...

HI TC

Congratulations from the bottom of my (weary) soul. Just the other day I was thinking about our kids and - even 18 months after they were born - still can't believe that IVF (ICSI, actually), worked for us. After three failed cycles we had little faith left.

http://trevorandbreda.blogspot.com/2007/03/laughter-of-gods.html#links

Although you still have some race yet to run, each day that goes past increases the odds in your favour. Relax and enjoy and be happy. It really is an amazing thing...

ultimatejourney said...

Wow, I missed a lot while I was gone! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Gemini Girl said...

I am doing a happy dance for you!

I know how you feel- you dont want to get too ahead of yourself. Enjoy this time.

By the way if you look back at my posts, I was also showing early- its largely due to ivf.

So happy for you.

BTW- I cant help but think of the pg test logged in your car dashboard.

Diana said...

I'm happy dancing right there with you!! Enjoy this dammit! We all worked hard to get to this point and we deserve it!

Erin said...

Isn't it amazing that this IVF business actually WORKS? Who knew!

66 sounds great, although I don't know if I'd be able to wait the 3 weeks for your u/s. You're good.

CONGRATS!!!

chicklet said...

Yay, congrats! I'm so happy to hear that it worked for you:-)

Lori said...

Well, now. I guess this is a GREAT consolation prize for not winning the limerick contest!

So happy for you. Does the "Cheesiest Most Delirious Happy Dance in All of the Land" look anything like Elaine's dance on Seinfeld? Cuz that's what I'm seeing in my mind.

Congrats!!

Manda said...

CONGRATS!! That is so awesome. Best news ever.

and I totally agree with you about the crackheads getting knocked up. Why is it any horny high schooler can get knocked up and make it all the way through 9 months and not the respectable people who WANT babies?? ARgggh!

Show those crackheads who's boss topcat!!

Carlynn said...

What great news!!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.

I also look at people and think, 'once upon a time they were just 5mm long and look at them now, big and strong and walking around.' It's amazing.

Hope the scan comes soon.

Gemini Girl said...

Have not yet thanked you for being a rockin girl blogger. Now I have to nominate a few choice ladies!

Hope you are feeling well over there on the other side of the world. By the way, I told my husband that I now have a friend in australia and he is excited- its his dream to come visit!

Gemini Girl said...

come on down and get your reward!