Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Forty Bucks Postage

Things are wonderful here .... Monkey sleeps through the night all the time ... I am peaceful and content and able to do yoga daily ... Mr TC is in complete remission ....


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS IF!!!!!!!

Things are their usual crappy self - except my laptop has now died.

I know things could be worse. I know I'm lucky that I'm not living in Darfur .... but Goddamit I'm still finding hard to cop everything that has happened. I'm still so angry that my birth experience with Monkey was so dreadful. Angry that I have to watch someone I love go through chemo. Chemo is disgusting - it leaves Mr TC an absolutely shattered man, crushed and broken. Last week Tiger came into my bed from a nightmare, then Monkey woke up for a feed. As I was feeding him, I could hear a feeble "Hon!" from upstairs, so I went up still feeding Monkey and Mr TC was on the toilet, really really sick and I couldn't help him because I was feeding the baby. I just sat on the floor in front of the bathroom, saying "I love you so much hon." He finally made his own way back to bed. All I wanted to do was climb in beside him and hug all the sick away, but I had to go back downstairs and look after the boys. (Plural! I have two?! When did that happen?!)

I went to a meeting last week - the first one I've been to in 2 months. It was a DOOZY. Never have I shared so frankly. I made most people cry, spoke angrily about what had happened and how much pain I was in blah blah. It seriously helped me a lot, offloading and sharing my crap. A big thing is "Acceptance is the key." I truly believe that, but I'm not there yet. I'm still pissed off, and processing, still BLEEDING from GIVING BIRTH for fucks sake. I need to let myself feel my rage, and unfairness, and then work on accepting the situation. Otherwise I will end up bitter and twisted and even more fucked up, and lets face it, I'm pretty fucked up. I mean, I'm not, but I am. Blah blah I'm not even making any sense.

Ok, I mentioned recently that the lovely r.a.w. crocheted and posted me a wonderful yellow wrap for Monkey. Here he is wrapped up in the bloggy love - I took this photo earlier and the flash WOKE HIM UP, he cried for, oh an HOUR. (What a deadshit I am.) ......







Now, the next few pics. Stacie from Here Storkey Storkey .... are you freaking serious? On one of the WORST days post-chemo last week, a massive box arrived in the post. Addressed from America. From Stacie, and Isa.ac, and her two gorgeous boys Sha.wn and Jas.on.





Mr TC was home, and helped me open it. He's like, "Why would a stranger send us a box of presents? FORTY BUCKS POSTAGE IS SHE RICH?" I said she most definitely wasn't a stranger, and no I don't think she's rich I just think she's a beautiful caring person. Stacie posted a mountain of clothes for Monkey - even some t-shirts with a monkey on them! Rattles, onesies, cool outfits, a jokebook for Mr TC when he's in hospital! He couldn't believe it! An actual Monkey toy for Monkey AND Tiger, Tigers had a badge on his saying "Big Brother", which he wore to school!!

I can't believe the thoughtfulness.

We were just blown away. I had to explain to Mr TC how you meet other bloggers and form friendships with them, about how Stacies family had been through their OWN trauma recently. I told him that my own blog has kind of turned into being all about him, and how much people from all around the globe have sent their prayers and love to him. He said ...."Hon, what the fucks a blog?" I explained it to him. He wanted to know how much they cost, and how do I email people at the exact same time. I gave up.


Thank you, Stacie. So very much. You have helped restore my faith in humans. I super-duper puffy heart you and you always have a place to stay if you're ever in Australia.

Here are some more pics ....


My most beautiful Tiger - we are so, so close, more than ever ...



And take a look at this little beauty! THE DIMPLES! He was six weeks old yesterday ...


My guys watching cartoons ...


The contents of the big magic American box of goodies ..... (FORTY BUCKS!)


Tiger and the monkies .... he wore his "Big Brother" badge to school! ...




My stagnant, depressive state forbids me to do much blog-surfing, I'm sorry. I can't wait for my laptop to be fixed, and I shall be posting and commenting gaily, I promise.

One last pic. We have a veggie garden, which is pretty cool. We grow tomatoes, corn, herbs, lemons, zucchinis ... whatever we can. We've let it all turn to shit lately, because cancer does that to you, you know. The other day Mr TC comes running in - well, of course not RUNNING, more like hobbling ... "Hon! Hon! Look at the brussel sprouts!"

I raced in, to see him holding two of the most ridiculously tiny brussel sprouts you will ever see in your life .....







17 comments:

Stacie said...

Yea! I am glad you liked everything! I am even more glad that it helped lift your spirits for even a minute or two.

Now, as for the forty bucks postage. I must admit I wasn't quite prepared for that, not having sent a package to Australia before, but it was well worth it. And tell Mr. TC that no, we are definitely not rich!

Much love to you and yours...
Stacie

waitinginline said...

My heart hurts for what all you've been through and what you're still going through.

I'm so glad to hear that you got to go to a meeting. I'm so glad that you've got somewhere to go that you can really get it out.

I love all those pics!!! Your boys are so beautiful!!!

waitinginline said...

My heart hurts for what all you've been through and what you're still going through.

I'm so glad to hear that you got to go to a meeting. I'm so glad that you've got somewhere to go that you can really get it out.

I love all those pics!!! Your boys are so beautiful!!!

Sugar&Ice said...

I literally laughed out loud at the "Hon, what the fucks a blog?". I don't know why it came off as so funny to me. I do love it when you post quotes from your husband though. I like to imagine a guy with in Australian accent saying them..makes things so much better!

The boys are gorgeous!

Almamay said...

I beg to disagree. I think Stacie is very rich and we all are because we found you Topcat. This B**t*rd disease brought us all together but amongst all this misery there are blessings. We must never forget how hard it was when we were alone.

Michell said...

coming over from lost and found. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for all the yucky bad awful stuff going on for you right now. Hugs to you.

Gemini Girl said...

ok now i am pissed! something is coming your way soon that may be similar to stacie's.. damn it!

anyway .... thinking of you as always.

nancy said...

Wow - You have wonderful friends. That's awesome.

And that first paragraph - that was almost mean. But I guess you deserve to be bitter.

~hugs~

Geohde said...

Ah TC,

I think you're funny. And a total rockstar. Totally great that Mr TC has you in his corner with all this C business,

xx

J

Lori said...

I wish I could come down there and give you some respite care.

That was very cool of Storkey.

Thinking of you, TC.

Cibele said...

coming over from lost and found. I am sorry that you are going through all of this. HUGS

Vee said...

Crap. I was ready to jump and down with excitement when I read Mr TC was in remission. Don't do that TC , you will give me a heart attack!!

Sorry the nuasea is still giving MR TC grief. It just su.x that our boys have to go through this.

Sounds like AA is a great place to offload.

Your boys are gorgeous!

theclam said...

Here from L&F, sucks that you are going through all this shit right now! Sending you big South African hugs (just before the tri nations hear)...

Your boys are GORG!!!

Evil Stepmonster said...

Wow that Stacie sure is amazing! How thoughtful and generous some people are!

And how much does Monkey look like you in the pic with his little blue hoodie on? Six weeks, so sweet.

Keep using your supports TC, we're all here for you. Yell if there's anything else we can do.

r.a.w. said...

Oh my goodness. I am so glad you got some use out of the blanket!

And I am LOVING the dimples. And how proud Tiger looks to be a big brother.

I think the little brussel sprouts were a lovely spark of life. And doesn't Mr TC know laughter is the best medicine? I learned that from you last week... :)

Love to you all!

PaleMother said...

Love, love, love the pictures of the mini me's. Thanks for those! Gorgeous!

TC, I know we've just met, but ...

"I said "Oh, mate. They're TINY. You grow TUMOURS bigger than that."

When I read that, I thought as I rolled on the floor laughing in my head, Man, I love her. That's my kind of line. ;) It must also be said, as much as I love that in your face, resilient black humor ... I hate the inspiration for it ... that you have to go through it.

Hang tough, sister.

D was here.

xxoo

Vacant Uterus said...

Your boys are too stinking cute, my heart can't take it! Those dimples SLAY me! Oh man, your boys are gorgeous.

So glad you are getting some good internet lovin'. Lord knows you deserve it. And if it makes you feel any better, my veggie garden has gone to crap, too.