Thursday, 10 July 2008

T-shirts, Strangers and Dancing

When I was a kid, a friend of my parents gave me a green t-shirt, with white writing on it. It read: "I never get lost because everybody always tells me where to go."

It was pretty cruel. I didn't know what it meant at the time ... but I liked wearing it, because it always made people laugh. Someone asked me once ... "What do you think that shirt means?"

Blushing bright red, I said that I thought it meant that I could ask for directions. Cue fits of laughter from all of the adults in the room.

Years later, I suddenly remembered that shirt and realised what it meant. I was furious.

Now, my lovely little seven-week old Monkey has been quite unsettled for a while now, his long jags of crying have led mummy to have several mini-meltdowns.

Perhaps it was a bit mean of me to dress him in this shirt?



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It reads "Sookie Sookie La La." *********** EDITED TO ADD .... In Australia, 'sook' means to be a crybaby. To my credit, I didn't take a photo of him actually crying in it. Actually, he has hardly cried much at all lately. Poor little guyo - first mummies boobs stopped working, then he gets a formula so rich he couldn't poo. Now, with a soy formula, it's all happy days. Thank the LORD IN HEAVEN ABOVE.


Ahem.


He still has SUCH a hard suck. I found this bib ...



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He gulps so much air when he's downing his bot-bot (in 2 seconds flat ... that's my boy!) that when I lift him up to burp him, I have started getting a little scared. He burps like Barney from the Simpsons - so loud, and strong. The room gets filled with formula fumes. It's freaking hilarious.



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In other news .... Mr TCs third bout of chemo is tomorrow. Tee is here and will take him. Mr TC and I have been incredibly strained with each other lately. It's awful. We are like strangers. I can't even look at him much. There's so many unsaid things there, he hurt me a lot when he lashed out last week. I'm still angry .... and I MUCH prefer to feel anger than pain. The pain of watching him go through this is relentless - I can't imagine what it's like for him. He won't tell me - won't tell anyone. I don't think we've ever been this distant before. My bald husband is having chemotherapy and what do I want to do? Go dancing. I've organised with a friend to go out on Saturday night. I never, EVER go out. I just need to be a bit free, let loose, shake all the cobwebs out. And then I will resume my regular caretaking.

11 comments:

PaleMother said...

Have a good night out, TC. What's the saying? Farmers know that when you rest a field from planting, it will yield more after. Somthing like that. It's so true of people, too. Though I forget it all the time, myself.

Uh ... the sookie ref is lost on the Yankees. I can guess ... but will you fill us in?

Colic is relentless, man. I think it must be an acceptable legal defense for any parent taking the brunt of it. Glad he's better.

It's true some kids have such a strong, vaccuum suck ... I think women who've never experienced it (and there are many) ... let alone experienced it as a REDHEAD with utterly fair skin ... well, they can be righteous about BFing, but they simply don't know what they don't know. It's not all apples to apples. Don't get me started.

LOL about the burps and the two second bottles ... my one year old was the same. They wouldn't let me sit up for an hour after my c-section and after 20 minutes of the RN trying to latch him onto me while I was lying flat was more than I could stand. Bf'ed the first two ... I wasn't a rookie ... but they wouldn't let me sit and it just wasn't working. It was so undignified. Maddening. So I let DH give him a bottle (because my other kids were supplemented in the early weeks while my fair-skinned nipples went through hell). He drained it in seconds flat. The RN's were boggled at how much this newborn could eat and how fast. He ate HOW much?! they wanted to know. Did he throw up? they wanted to know. Nope. Now at exactly one, he is as big as some two year olds.

That green shirt ... that was a mean shirt to put on a kid. :(

I completely know what you mean when you say you'd rather have anger than pain. Anger feels empowered, pain the opposite. It may not ultimately be true, but it feels that way.

Dance away, girl. I hope it helps.

XXOO

D.

PS Loved the wolf story. Thanks for that.

Cibele said...

You boy is so precious. I loved the bib. If you send me your address to my e-mail (cibelesec@hotmail.com). I can make a copy of the U2 lullaby cd and send it to you so you don’t have to buy it. it is very cute and Lyla loves it. Dh is brain washing her, turning her into a U2 super fan!
I think that it is a great idea that you are going out. Have fun

Vacant Uterus said...

LOL! That Mother Sucker bib had me in fits! Buwahaha! Sarge had to come over and find out what was so funny. Oh, that is just awesome.

Sam does the same burps. It's hard to get them out of him but when they come...oof. It's enough to deafen me. I won't even tell you about his farts...

I hope you enjoy your night dancing. Shake off the sick and the mom and just be Topcat. As the song says, "get up off that thing, shake it, you'll feel better!"

xxoo
Flicka

Topcat said...

Palemother ... 'sook' in Australia means to be a big crybaby.

As in 'stop sooking', 'you're a sook', 'have a big sook'.

Heh heh.

Geohde said...

TC, where do you find those baby clothes....totally awesome (and minor revenge for all the lack of sleep!)

FWIW, when I was a little tacker, my folks taught me to sing the lyrics to 'hit me with your rhythm stick' so they could bop me one. Tres amusing......not.

And dance away.......you need a pressure valve when things are so stressful,

xx

J

Pixxiee said...

Kiwi's understand the sook thing! I love the shirts...and hey, he isn't old enough to read so that makes it ok.

I do understand about you and Mr TC. And a night out sounds good. But if you can, find a place and time where the two of you can talk. Forgive. Mend. I know it's hard - and guys have a different way of dealing with things than we do, but I think you might regret holding onto your anger for too long. And it's not good for you.

You love him right? And he loves you? And he is scared shitless. And so are you. And sometimes when we are scared we say things we maybe don't mean. Because dammit, lashing out at someone safe and hurting them is easier than admitting we are terrified.

I know this is assvice. But you aren't coming to NZ anytime soon to beat me up so I am safe :-)

Thinking of you hon. Take it easy. Oh and enjoy the dancing, you have so gotta have some fun!

Sugar&Ice said...

Thanks for the clarification on "sookie"...had no idea what that meant, lol.

vamplita said...

Thinking of you, Twinkletoes TC. Dance the night away!

Stacie said...

Hope you have a nice night out...you totally deserve some down time!

I LOVE the mother sucker bib. Too cute!

nancy said...

I think those are adorable. I put my kids in totally offensive tees. "Mommy drinks because I cry". Too awesome.

~hugs~ all around for round #3.


And I have to email you.

docgrumbles said...

Love the baby gear!

I hope Mr TC's chemo goes as well as possible and things get a little better.