Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Topcat 4 Gemini 4 Eva

I feel so guilty ... poor little Monkey. He didn't ask to be born into such an intense set of circumstances. I wonder how differently I would have parented him if all the bad shit didn't happen. Things would be so much easier.

I'm ok - I still have my Grace, it's here to stay. I just don't think I'm the most balanced mother at the moment. I'm always rushing around; there seems to be always something more important to do than simply holding Monkey, or reading a book to Tiger.

I've decided to become more Zen-like, and really be here in the moment. If I'm packing the dishwasher, just pack it. Making dinner, changing a nappy .... just be it, and stop rushing and hurrying and stressing out.

I have decided that the addict in me loves being severely sleep deprived. TOTALLY shuts my head up. Heh.


Ok, so, a box arrived today. From someone who's blog I started reading when she was in the 2ww ... her divinorama girls are nearly 9 months old, I think. We have become good friends, hooking up on Facebook as well.

Mr TC was here when it came, he's like, what! Maya sent an AMAZING box of goodies. Most of them for Tiger!! I picked him up from school, and said mate - get excited. He definitely did ....

Ben 10 Galore!!! He looooooves Ben 10 .... you can't get this stuff in Australia yet!!! We just couldn't believe it!

Gemini wrote the most beautiful note that made me cry. I can't believe that I know such wonderful women on the other side of the world. She sent a shitload of American chocolates (oh yeah baby, do it, uh huh ...) however, there was a catch."The chocolates are for Mr TC .... you can have some if he says you can.." What!!!!

I made the mistake of telling him this. (Maya knows that I frequently eat all the chocolate in the house, silently.) So, he puts it all in the pantry, and said that I couldn't have any yet!! Waaaah! I said not fair ... she's MY bloggy friend. I almost got pissed off .... but I just went out and bought my own stash of Cadburys, told Mr TC he had to ask me if he wants any.

Thank you, lovely Maya. You abso-fucken-lutely made my crappy day so much brighter. Thank you for the t-shirts, and for Monkeys wonderful Monkey onesie and Ralph Lauren pant suit> Totally awesome. I will meet you one day, you know it!!!

It's chemo day on Friday. Chemo is a necessary evil. Mr TC turns 42 tomorrow - no celebrations this year, he just can't see anyone at the moment, has disappeared so far in himself. He says that his spirit is absolutely gone, the only thing that breaks through and reaches it ..... is Monkeys smile.



OHN said...

Oh Topcat, it ws good to "hear" you smile. Talking about chocolate always makes me smile too-lol.

By the way, I want to eat your baby. He is absolutely delicious looking, drool and all! :)

His smile for sure would break through the chemo blues and give someone hope for the better days to come.

Gemini Girl said...

You just made me cry!

I am so glad you liked the stuff. It took forevr for me to get off my ass to send everything, just want you to know that I love you and am here- although a bit far away!

Gemini Girl said...

Even though he doesnt want a big party- get him a nice cake and some presents. He deserves to have a nice birthday this yr. Happy bday mr tc!

PaleMother said...

Oh, man, DS1 is a HUGE, huge, HUGE Ben 10 fan ... I had to hide the screen from him while looking at the pics. :)

He got an omnitrix for Christmas ... wears it everywhere. Too bad they won't study aliens in kindy.

PT for treatment tomorrow. And for some rest ... the deprivation is inhuman. I wish I could take some night shifts for you.


D was here.

Pixxiee said...

I love Gemini Girl for you. Are those Reeses Peanut Butter Cups I see? My absolute favourite, tell Mr TC to mail a couple to NZ :-)

What a great gift, and a great surprise. Random acts of kindness - I just love it. We should do more of it. Right. You and Gemini Girl have inspired me and today is the day I do something good for someone else.

Hang in there. Find your zen. Music works for me (especially when doing the mundane chores!)

Almamay said...

What fantastic gifts from Gemini Girl for a fantastic Top Cat! I hope Mr TC has a very Happy Birthday.

Glad you are sounding better today (or tomorrow your time)

nancy said...

awwww! What a wonderful thing to receive!! Yay for Maya for being so awesome.

And monkey's smile ... yup, it's a killer.

Vacant Uterus said...

Hooray for prezzies and bloggy friends! So glad you had a pick-me-up just when you needed it. :-)

Dude, your Monkey is adorable! He makes me smile, too. A quiet Happy Birthday to Mr. TC and many happy returns of the day.


Evil Stepmonster said...

I tell you, that smile would melt even the hardest of hearts!

I hope Mr TC has a great birthday and chemo on Friday is kind to him.

You are very lucky to have a wonderful friend like Gemini Girl! Just as Monkey and Tiger are lucky to have a mother like you. It will get better TC, just you wait and see.

wordgirlredux said...

Oh what a beautiful smile from monkey...and honestly I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off the chocolate.

I'm evil that way -- a total chocolate hoarder.

I hope that Monkey's smile reaches that place in Mr TC -- I'll be thinking of you both in this next round.

And if you ever come to the states I will be hightailing it to wherever you are so I can meet you in person my friend.



Sugar and Ice said...

Maya really is a sweetheart, isn't she? I just love that girl.

Monkey is absolutely beautiful. Does he look like your other son or is it just my mind playing tricks on me??