Monday, 21 July 2008

I Will Never, No Not Ever, See a Placenta

I haven't googled Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma very often ..... it's just too fucking terrifying.

We have an appointment on Wednesday, to see Mr TCs doctor, Dr Taper. I call him Dr Taper Wormer. Heh heh. He has a mong eye and I don't know which one to look at. He has absolutely no personality, but is supposed to be one of the best oncologists around. This will be the first appointment we've had with him since we drove the horrible drive down there, exactly 10 weeks ago on Wednesday. This time, Monkey is on the outside, Mr TC is fully bald, and I will be on a mission to get some answers, Goddamit. Mr TC doesn't want answers. He has had no desire whatsoever to find out anything about his cancer ... in true macho fashion, he just wants to kill it as quickly as he can. I have finally learnt - that just because he isn't dealing with this the way I think he should, doesn't mean he's not dealing with it. I'd say that underneath all of his "100% going to clear this, hon" ..... is a shitload of fear. A truckload, in fact.

Mr TC has had 3 rounds of chemo, we had been told he needs 9 to 12 rounds. Chemotherapy is so fucking hideous ..... it shrinks and kills tumours, but makes me wonder what it's doing to the rest of his body. Last night, in a googling frenzy. I found out that Jacqui Onassis got diagnosed with Non Hodgkins some years ago, in a January ... and died in the May. (May 19, to be exact ... Monkeys birthday). There are four stages to Non Hodgkins, 4 being the worst. Hers was about a 2. Mr TCs is 3. Initially, Jacqui O had a very good prognosis, and continued working throughout her treatment. She didn't die from cancer ... she died from the fucking chemo. The other pearl of wisdom I learnt is that just over half of all people diagnosed with NHL are dead within 5 years.

Holy motherfucker. It was 1am, I couldn't stop googling ..... when I arrived on a site called "Chemotherapy Kills", which was all about how cancer is a big money-making industry for the drug companies, how 98% of chemo is useless ... I thought I'd better step away from the laptop and get the fuck to bed. Lucky I had a newborn to get up for all night. No wonder I feel somewhat crap today. *sigh*


Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was having a cuppa with Mr TC and his mate. Mr TC casually mentioned to his friend that he wanted to "Keep Monkeys placenta and bury it in the garden." Mr TC very nearly wore my mouthful of tea.

I spluttered. "Are you fucking serious? That's what I wanted to do with Tigers placenta and you said it was disgusting!!"

Of course, he denied it.

Actually, because Tiger was an emergency c-section, his placenta got whisked away, never to be seen by me. So I was actually quite looking forward to seeing Monkeys placenta, I grew it, dammit, and wanted to see what it looked like. Mr TC made sure to bring it home from hospital, and it's been in the freezer.

Last week, he got a call that the two apple trees he ordered were ready from the plant shop. He was finally feeling well enough to go pick them up, and bury Monkeys placenta. He came back, I told him to tell me when he was burying it coz I wanted to have a look.

I took the camera out there ..... and he'd already planted both trees, and buried the placenta! I said mate ..... I wanted to have a look! Now I will never know what a placenta looks like!!

"Ohhhh, sorry hon - do you want me to dig it up?"

He was serious.

He went on to tell me that actually, because he got two apple trees .... he chopped the frozen hunk of placenta in half, and buried half under each tree. "It just looked like a big frozen kidney, hon. You didn't miss much ... except for the bit of cord that was still attached."

I sighed, and just took a photo of him and Tiger next to an apple tree ... with half a placenta buried underneath it.


Vacant Uterus said...

It DOES look like a big kidney. I saw my best friend's placenta when she had her daughter. Defrosted, it looks like a red, slimy jellyfish. It was big enough to fill a bedpan. Interesting and gross.

Good food for apple trees, though!

I don't know what to say about chemo and NHL. I pray daily for a miracle for Mr. TC. Wish I was closer so i could bring you something good to eat and do something practical to lighten your load. I don't know how to be a friend from far away like this.

Almamay said...

Great news about the apple trees. I'm sure they will thrive with the gift you have given them.

Chemo isn't great but sadly it is all we have at the moment for most cancers. And the fact that it does work is something.

PaleMother said...

"I said mate ..... I wanted to have a look! Now I will never know what a placenta looks like!!

"Ohhhh, sorry hon - do you want me to dig it up?"

He was serious.

He went on to tell me that actually, because he got two apple trees .... he chopped the frozen hunk of placenta in half, and buried half under each tree."

ROTFL!! I *love* you TC!!!!

I've often thought that I might ... might ... have liked to see video of one of my sections. Everyone says, no. No way. No you don't. But ... I dunno ... watching in progress might not be so good for the bp and all ... but since it's all done now ... maybe. Certainly didn't see Jack where I was.

D was here.

PS Thanks for the really nice comment recently ... If it wasn't for you and Tee, I'd might have to change the name of the place to, "Beyond The Dog Whistle". Amazing bit about the dream, btw.

Geohde said...

Yep, placentas are great big goopy meaty things. I used to have to examine them after delivery to make sure no bits got left behind :)

As for the chemo site, always consider the source and their motivation. You can find people that will say just about anything on the net,



Mony said...

Thanks for emailing. My next blog entry was going to be titled "OMG..what happened to Topcat????" I was freaking out when I couldn't get onto your blog this morning.

Pixxiee said...

If I ever get a placenta to grow past 8 weeks I'll send you a photo.

Now. Googling is only going to help if you remember that every single person is different, and responds different to treatment. Don't freak yourself out too much - hang on to that grace that has arrived in your life. I loved the photos of the walk, and your leggings were really hot. Honest. Especially with that woolly hat!

Gorgeous gorgeous family. Thinking of you.

r.a.w. said...

I am getting very weird mental images of Mr TC hacking away at a placenta in order to give you nice apple trees. He is too funny. Men are bizarre.

And I agree with the others about the googling - JUST DON'T DO IT!!! That was the first thing they told my MIL about the ovarian cancer - that she would see every single horror story in the entire world and all it would do was bring her down. So she stayed away from Dr Google. It has really helped both her and my FIL.

Take care of you. XOXO

Vee said...

Yes I have a love hate relationship with Google. Especially when there isn't much info on the type of cancer you are googling ! Also finding the survival rate is just so upsetting, it scares the shit out me!!. I have read that same website about chemo, it made me so upset. Chemo sucks big time!

I do love the apple tree story.

Kristin said...

The apple tree story is funny. Am I supposed to be laughing at that? Hope so...when Pumpkin is born, I'll split mine with you, put it on ice and ship it to you.

Come to think of it, you can have the whole thing. Ick.

Chemo blows. XO

Kristin/Tobacco Brunette

rex said...

Well I had to carry the freakin thing home in a shopping bag and try and shove it in an ice cream container that was too small - oooeeeewwwwww. The thing was DISGUSTING seriously, you really didn't miss much, Monkey is MUCH prettier! xxooxx

Stacie said...

I haven't seen one either, although I am not sure that seeing one is something on my to do list.

Sorry you didn't get the chance to see it. I agree with Rex--Monkey is much cuter than any old placenta!

Tee said...

Mate you didn't miss much, I had to put it in the boot of my shiny new car!! And it just reminded me of the excess twin that was cut off in the movie The Basket Case (minus the teeth)...

Sugar and Ice said...

Ugg...placentas are just big and gross. I'm sure you that's one more thing you could of placenta :). You know, some people take them home, cook them up, and eat them!