Friday, 17 August 2007

A Funny Thing Happened at the Fertility Clinic Today

Well, onto stims I go. Picked up my white puffy pen today (2, in fact). Nurse Hurry quickly showed me how to do it - I gave the first one to myself, it didn't hurt at all. I was sure that I would get a lining scan. I mean, I didn't particularly want to meet Mr Wandmonkey, but due to weird ovulation pain a few days ago, I wanted to make sure my lining was nice and thin. I was all prepared. But no - they only do a scan after a week on Gonal F.

Earlier today, in a fertility clinic west of Sydney ...

Nurse Hurry: "Ok, so that's everything. See you next week."

Me: "Oh - I though I'd get ... a ... um ..." (tries to think of the proper name for Wandmonkey but fails ..) "Ummm, you know, the Wandmonkey."

Nurse Hurry: PISSING herself laughing. "The what!? Oh my goodness, I've never heard it called that before!"

Me: Laughing, but frantically searching memory banks for it's proper name ... "Oh, ha - I meant the dildo cam."

As soon as the words left my mouth I turned purple. Nurse Hurry was crouched over with laughter. She couldn't talk for a while, oh my God I'm laughing now it was so FUNNY. But so EMBARRASSING!!

Me: Pleading "Well - that's what they call it on infertility blogs!! What do you call it?"

Nurse Hurry: Wiping her eyes "Well, we just call it a probe."

She said she couldn't wait to tell all of the other nurses. (Can you imagine the laughter then!) Nurse Hurry said she lives in the mountains too - told me instead of driving all that way to the clinic (2 hours each way) for any drugs in the future, that I could just drive 20 mins to her house. How cool is that! She was so lovely - I certainly made an impression, so she won't be forgetting me anytime soon.

But I still kinda would've liked them to check my lining. Nurse Hurry told me that a lot of first cycles get cancelled, so don't be surprised if that happens. I really don't want that to happen. We shall see. I drove down there today BLARING U2. I really, really needed to hear Walk On. I had a lot of hope in my heart, and felt God/Universe/Love/Spirit/Nature right there with me. I thought of all of you lovely ladies in the IF trenches, on the other side; and everything in between. And I wished and prayed and hoped for us all.

Walk On

And love ... is not the easy thing

The only baggage you can bring ...

Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart

And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off

And if your glass heart should crack

And for a second you turn back

Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on

What you got they can’t steal it

No they can’t even feel it

Walk on, walk on ... Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been

A place that has to be believed to be seen

You could have flown away

A singing bird in an open cage

Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on

What you've got they can't deny it

Can’t sell it, can’t buy it

Walk on, walk on

Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches

And your heart it breaks

And you can only take so much

Walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you’ve never had one

Home... I can’t say where it is but I know I'm going home

That's where the hurt is

I know it aches

How your heart it breaks

And you can only take so much

Walk on, walk on

Leave it behind

You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion

All that you make

All that you build

All that you break

All that you measure

All that you steal

All this you can leave behind

All that you reason

All that you sense

All that you speak

All you dress up

All that you scheme...


r.a.w. said...

Thank you for the song.

And the wandmonkey/dildo cam was too funny. Glad your nurse got a kick out of it!! :)

Von said...

That is a scream. You should build up a library of names for "the probe" and sock her a new one each week. Absolutely priceless..
I've always called it "Swisscam" (think cockney rhyming slang)
Walk On, the perfect song.
Oh Bono, you are a genius.

Mony said...

Too funny!!!!
And if it makes you feel any better, I never had my lining thickness checked. Some clinics do...some don't.

Geohde said...

That's a total crack up.

I'm with you on not wanting first cycles to be cancelled, but on the dose of gonadotrophins I am, I wouldn't be surprised.

Carrie said...

I'm very surprised they didn't check, still, I'm sure they know what they are doing.
And as for making yourself known! How funny that the nurse hadn't heard those terms. She must be on the right side of infertile. And how nice that she'll take your drugs home for you to pick up. She must appreciate your humour!

Angie said...

You cracked me up! Thanks for sharing.

Becks said...

V funny!!! Thats so nice that she offered to sort the drugs out for you. Hope the next scan shows you are right on track TC.

Vee said...

Absolutely hilarious !!
Rock on Bono.

Jen said...

I used the term "dildo cam" at one of my regular checkups with my OBGYN... She too found it hilarious. But how can they not think us patients think of it as such.

I do like wandmonkey though. It has a certain air of mischieviousness to it!

Best of luck with your stims!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Oh thats just a riot....
Hope your stims go really well (as good as they can be-those damn stims!)
Have a great weekend=)

SaraS-P said...

Well, who else can bring laughter to clinic nurses betters than a fertility blogger?

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

OMG you are so funny. i slipped and called it that to my hubby. he laughed too. what is SO FUNNY about the wandmonkey, pray tell??; )

our cycles are almost together. good luck!

anna said...

I love it! That's hilarious. And what a great hook-up you've got that you won't have to drive all that way for your meds anymore. You're well on your way...good luck!