Sunday, 19 August 2007

Life Imitates Art Imitates Blog


This has been my view this past winter. It shall forevermore be known as "That crazy fucked up IVF winter of 07". (The specks on the ground are woodchips, not skanky mess. I promise). In these last few months, I have seriously worn out a patch on the rug near the fire, as I diligently perused, commented, empathised, cried, and posted. Mr TC pointed it out yesterday - "Look, your heat-hugging has wrecked the rug." No - my blogging has wrecked the rug. But it's saved my sanity! The weather is slowly getting warmer, the countdown is now on for spring. I find myself wondering ... will I have a newborn next winter? Will I? I find myself closer than I ever dared to dream .... leaving me simultaneously exhilarated (that it will happen) and terrified (that it won't happen).

Peculiarly, I'm enjoying the stims. I'm on a mission. It feels so darn PURPOSEFUL. Right after I sniff the Synarel, I find myself counting down until 8.20pm, whereupon I lovingly caress the Gonal-F white puffy pen, twist the dial, change the tip. It doesn't really hurt that much as I plunge it in my belly; the manhand can plunge and release all in one swift motion. I'm not feeling many twinges or movement in the ovary vicinity .... last night I felt bloated and told Mr TC. His response? "You sure you don't need to take a crap?" I looked deeply into his eyes, and said "Wow, you are SO romantic hon." He walked off, laughing. "I know".

Thing is - I don't even know what Gonal-F IS. Something to do with nuns piss, or synthetic FSH that Chinese hamsters make. All I know is - I need 150ml of it every night, to help grow as many follies/eggs as I can. And that usually, after the injection, I walk back downstairs singing Wa Wa Nee's "Stimulation" - 'All I need to get is stimulation, so get me up against the wall ...'
Oooooh, pass the popcorn the suspense is killing me. Holy crap. I'm quite excited now. I believe the worst part about IVF is the WAITING beforehand. Always felt like a waste of valuable time to me. These eggs aren't getting any younger!

Poor Mr TC - during Rove tonight, I googled video footage of a PESA procedure and showed him. He lay sprawled on the lounge, transfixed, cupping his balls, howling. I felt sorry for him and overwhelmed with love - so he got lucky tonight. Ahem ...

12 comments:

Von said...

I love this picture, absolutely love it.

I heard a rumour that it's nun pee we inject ourselves with. God, no pun intended, they must be making a fortune.

SO happy to see you excited. Allow the possibilities of what might be............

Lucky Monsieur Topcat.

Drowned Girl said...

Looks like a cosy little nest!

Thank you for commenting on my blog.

Good luck!

xx

Fertilize Me said...

Oh I am glad you feel purposeful and what a great fire!!

topcat said...

Thanks Von - wow, that's great, coming from a photographer!! :)

Mony said...

Meow.
Good to see the steady man-hands have made injecting easy. Jest!
The thrill of "purpose" during IVF is intoxicating. The possiblities....oh, divine possibilities!
Love the toasty fire too.

Imogen and David said...

I didn't get the bloating but I did get bad gas so Mr. TC wasn't too far off the mark! Needles in testicles, needles in vaginas and ovaries, I say you are both brave! Do you have a date to meet Mr Wandmonkey for your follie scan?

Trevor said...

G'day

Linked into your blog via Ovagirl's comment section. Just had a quick read and like your writing style so may be back to catch up on what has gone before.

From a quick read this sounds like your first IVF/ICSI(?) We had four failed attempts at ICSI before it worked for us (but when it worked, it WORKED...) I wish you the best of luck and will check in to see how you're doing (it's a good community the infertile blogging scene - odd really)

Lastly - just to annoy you - you seem to like U2. I was once invited to dinner with them. A whole group of people went, had a top feed and then went clubbing all night. Bono and the boys were a great laugh and picked up the tab for the whole evening. Perhaps I should have actually gone instead of doing something else instead...

Geohde said...

IVF sure is a lot of hurry up and wait. Sh!ts me to tears.

Forst the wait to see if you've downreg'ed ok.

Then the wait to see if the stims are working..

Then the wait to see wht you get at retrieval...

etc etc.

Urgh.

I'm still waiting for the first freaking wait.

Jen said...

I love your hubby! He sounds so much like mine when I tried to explain the bloaty-crampiness. "Are you sure you don't need to go potty?" If I did, I would have to make this feeling go away. But thanks for the suggestion!

Wishing you the best of luck!

Carrie said...

I really hope you do have a new born next winter.

Amy R said...

So far, I'm starting to also feel that the anticipation and waiting are the worst parts of IVF. But I'm in the middle of my cycle also so I won't officially say that until ET :)

SaraS-P said...

I just imagine that he WOULDN'T get lucky after that "take a crap" comment!