Friday, 3 August 2007

Synarel Tastes Like Speed

Standing in the reception area at the fertility clinic yesterday, my gaze kept creeping back to the poster they have on the wall - amazing full colour photos of stages of fetal development, at the end was a beautiful photo of a newborn lying on its mother, immediately after birth. As I handed over the money needed to pay for my baby (knowing full well that no,when it comes to IVF, sadly every player does not win a prize) I wondered how many women had looked at that poster with an aching heart. I certainly was.

The nurse came out, greeting me with my file, saying "So, Topcat - you can't start treatment yet." WTF!!!! I didn't cry - I had already cried the three hours it took to get there. I was out of tears. Again. Let's start from the beginning ...

I was an hour and a half late for my appt - even after leaving home before 6.30am. The freeway was detoured, for fucks sake. Tiger had woken up so, so sick - crying, didn't want me to go. I felt so bad. Then the epic journey. Traffic was so, so bad. I got lost and rang Mr TC. Three hours - but not. It actually took almost three years to get to that appointment yesterday. This shit's like a freakin N1ntend0 game from hell. (Later, as I watched the news, I saw the heartbreak of people not even making it home from their journeys. Got a big dose of perspective, and gratitude. My heart goes out to the families)

I sat in the corridor, waiting for the nurse to call the doctor to decide my fate. It was run down, weary, and old. A lot like how I felt. Anyhoo, the go-ahead was given (FARRRRKKK) .... I had an interview, which was SO informative. The nurse was so lovely, caring. She suddenly asked "Do you want some Fantales?" Hell yeah!! I haven't had one of those for years! Nurse Fantale arrived back with four, we got 2 each. They stuck to my teeth so I just nodded when she asked me something. She gave me a demo of Synarel, and then my own brand spankin new bottle. We talked and laughed, I forgot all of my questions but she was so detailed I didn't need them anyway. I asked about the statistics - not great! She said they did approx 820 embryo transfers last year - about 35% resulted in a take-home baby. (Sounds like a take-home box of ice cream). Now, those stats are on a broad range of women, ages of 25 to 43, with fertility issues all diverse. But ..... if I was in Vegas, those odds aint great. But .... I hate odds at the best of times. Actually, I've been defeating odds for years ... why should I stop now!!

So, every 12 hours is the Synarel Sniffing Situation - anyone think this tastes like speed? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Ummmmm, no, I'd have no idea either. Ahem. Moving right along to the DRUMROLL ..... no more BCP's. Hurrah! I've been spotting the last few days, AF is hanging to visit, hopefully she'll come right on cue.

I was goofing around with Tiger yesterday arvo - and heard Mr TC come in, asking where I was. I called from the other room "Why - so you can give me my flowers?" He walked in to give me my flowers. I can't REMEMBER the last time he's done that. It was so lovely. Later, he was genuinely interested in what had happened, what's next, etc. I was telling him how Synarel turns your hormones off, kinda like a fake menopause. He goes "Menopause? Isn't that what you get once a month?" I tried to keep a straight face - no, that's menstruation sweetie. Tee hee. Mr TC is quite sure this will work - I had to tell him, tears welling "Look, we need to prepare ourselves that it might not." He nodded - he looked so concerned. I felt slack logging on - to see the picture I posted previously. Oops!

I finally understand why I have immersed myself in blogland like this .... it's to make the abnormal normal. I already knew everything Nurse Fantale said to me yesterday. Triggers and follies and hCg and iodine .... there's not much left for me to know about it all .... except if all of this effort and longing and energy is worth it.

Right now - I feel excited and apprehensive - relieved to actually be in the game. It's a careful balance of caution and hope. "I hope it works for me! But I need to stay grounded. But I'm closer to being pregnant now! But this might not work. Oh - googling baby names, what a great idea! Don't put all of your eggs in one petri dish."


Von said...

I've always had the vague feeling that some people have thought I had a serious coke habit. All that sniffing coming back from the loo....... Not to good luck to take your fertility drugs at the table when out. Tends to ruin the conversation.
Had a similiar driving experience recently. Not nice.

All I can say about the upcoming weeks is to take each moment as it comes. What will happen will happen.
Which of course means cute bundle of joy not that far away.......

Thinking of you. X

Geohde said...

I've always thought that 35% was pretty good odds, compared with the alternative! But I like to think glass half full about things that are going to cost me thousands of dollars.

Imogen and David said...

I think it all sounds very positive :) I just started bleeding too so looks like we are cycle buddies. I don't think I could keep a straight face if DH said the menopause statement though!

Von said...

I meant "not a good look"
I should read things before posting.

Mony said...

Synarel is in da house! How exciting for you. Welcome to the big league Topcat. I truly hope that your IVF experience is short & fruitful...unlike your traffic drama! Bloody Hell!

Ed Rooney....Ferris...Cam & Sloane, my of my favourites.

Chas said...

I didn't have to do Synarel, never heard of it actually. Good luck w/ everything though!!!

BTW, if you visit me, the pw is "frozen".

Becks said...

Still laughing about Mr TC's comment about the menopause.

We don't sniff here in the UK (well my RE doesnt) so I am currently in the 'stick a needle in for menstruation'...ooops I mean menopausal state. So I guess we're not far apart in our cycles - good luck TC!!

Inconceivable said...

you are such a funny writer i love reading your stuff!! Good luck to the synarel