Saturday, 1 November 2008

The Space Between Spaces

I have taken almost every single photo of Monkey .... including the ones with me in it. My manhand easily presses the button, and I try to stage them so that it LOOKS like someone else has taken the photo. Mr TC has been too preoccupied - so if I didn't, we wouldn't have any.

At the exact moment I was taking this Halloween one yesterday .... Mr TC walks past, totally scoffing at how ridiculous I looked, trying to stage my own photo. Look into my eyes! See the total contempt I have!

I went to a school reunion - I NEVER go out. I felt renewed, knowing that I CAN go out if I want to. It was so nice to drive in the driveway, safe in my house, back to my boys.

It is November. There is no chemo this month NONE. Waves of relief are starting to wash over us both. Mr TC feels different. He is still really sick, but he had a spring in his step. He was so very lovely to me today, SO present and in the moment with us. Tiger and I were playing Memory Match for over an hour ... I'm making a conscious effort to do proper "things" with him, instead of just TV or Playstation games. Mr TC came and played with us for ages, laughing and competitive.

Tomorrow I shall smudge the house. I want to bring new energy to it, get rid of all the bad crap hanging up there in the corners. I can see-ee you, negative residual auras!

Right now, Mr TC, stepson, and stepsons friend are all sitting on the couch watching footy, literally having a fart-off. Monkey and Tiger are in bed. We just ate chicken soup, and organic chocolate. We all watched the new Indiana Jones DVD ..... the post title came from a line in it.

We are in the Space Between the Spaces. Mr TC will get a scan in a few weeks, to hopefully see that all the "yucky lumps" (as I told Tiger) .... are all gone.

"But mum, what if the yucky lumps aren't all gone?"
"Well my sweetie, we will deal with that if it happens."
He thought, and looked up at me. "I reckon they're all gone."
"Me too, mate."

Tiger and Monkey's first Halloween together. Awwwwwww .... a baby sacrifice!

Tiger kept trying to scare Monkey. He was jumping around, saying Boo! every chance he got, disappointed that Monkey would only smile.

"He's not scared, sweetheart. He hasn't learnt to be scared yet."

It struck me ..... how we learn things in life, that down the track ..... are better off un-learnt. We learn fear, and anger, and hate.

Look at how besotted Monkey is with his big brother. When we all start out, there is only love.



Anonymous said...

That's a great pic of your boys, I love how Monkey is smiling up at his bigger brother :) I have a nine month daughter, I recognise that same look, I love it!

ohn said...

"It struck me ..... how we learn things in life, that down the track ..... are better off un-learnt. We learn fear, and anger, and hate"

I love that. It is so true yet we never really think about it. When we are small it is our parents that teach us those things, not so much by actually talking about them but by their actions.

We start out as sponges and soak up whatever goodness or mess is around us.

PaleMother said...

"Awwwwwww .... a baby sacrifice!"

ROTFL. :) This was my utterly favorite line today. Serious thanks for that ... and for the whole post, of course.

I meant to comment recently when you wrote that you feel you are take, take, taking here ... my immediate thought was No Way. I feel like I take, take, take from you every day when I myself am not doing much sharing lately (words fail me). Your blog gives me a *good* reason to sign on everyday. It lets me feel more hopeful that there are still people out there who don't make me feel like a giant, throbbing sore thumb from Mars. How could I NOT comment, how can I NOT flick my bic at you from my own cell down the dark, drippy hall?

You rock. Stay strong (like I have to tell the sky to stay "up" and water to stay "wet.")


D was here.

Vacant Uterus said...

Dude, you look HAWT! Nice teeth!

I'm glad you had a chance to go out and even better that you got to come home to a place you felt better about than when you left. It's kind of sad when you realize that you are better off with a cancerous husband than all your vices, huh? There should be more options.

Heh, Monkey does not look at all afraid of Tiger! It's like he's saying "Awww! What a sweet little axe! Can I play with it?" I think Tiger is destined to have a best friend for life whether he wants one or not!

"When we all start out, there is only love." Amen. And that's all your boys know. A pretty big triumph, I'd say.

Mony said...

I had a similar moment when my 3 godsons failed to scare Cooper with their Halloween masks. He thought it was funny.
I hope that your blog finds some of the old fun posts again. A new happy page...the boys are so lovely!

bleu said...

Smudging is such a great idea. You could also do an egg cleansing where you place an egg in the four corners of the house for a couple days and then bury them outside in the moonlight, they absorb bad energy too.

Much love!!!

I love seeing how close the boys are!

Beautiful Mess said...

Good for you for getting out! Glad you had a *kinda* good time. Even better that you're having a GREAT weekend with the troops!

MrsSpock said...

Those teeth are dead sexy. Seriously.

Hey, a girl needs to get out and paint the town red every once in a while.

I hope those yucky lumps are gone. I'm lighting a candle with you guys in mind tonight and tomorrow- I wrote about it in today's post.

passingwindows said...

Love the teeth and the baby sacrifice iwth the grinning sacrificee! I'm glad things were better with Mr. TC now that the chemo is over.

Wordgirl said...

I love your humor, your strength -- and your prose...I laughed OUT LOUD when I got to the baby sacrifice thing too...but that line later on -- about how we learn things...its true -- and what a gift to not learn too early about fear and anger...hate.

I'm thinking about you as I do nearly every day -- and I've taken to using the words 'bloody' and 'mate' -- but only in my head because it sounds very silly with an American accent.




nancy said...

Dude. you are fucking HOT.

nursemyra said...

I love your blog. not sure how much I can bear to read about the chemo stuff (my lover died just over a year ago) but your writing is fabulous