9 Sleeps til Stims!! Woo-hoo!!

I went to jail yesterday. Scares me every time. There's always two of us there that run the meeting, we set up, boil the jug, get the literature out, put the 12 step banners up. I always feel like a freakin Mormon - until I share a part of my story, then they stop looking at me like I'm some kind of glasses-wearing nerd (ahem) - and start identifying with what I have to say. My story is pretty horrific - I could never write a memoir. I could write fiction that secretly is a memoir though. The women started to trickle in - HANGING for us to open the packs of bikkies. There were about 15 of us there - I looked around the room, my gaze drawn directly to a big belly. Wow. She looked so young, so pretty ... and so pregnant. I asked her to share, but she was too shy. After the meeting, she thanked us and left, holding her tummy. I wanted to run after her, ask a million questions "Are you ok? How long are you in for? Who's the father?" And the biggest question - are you clean? I hope she is. My heart breaks when I think of kids with addicts/alcoholic parents. It's dreadful.

Ok - stepping off the soapbox .... thank goodness for getting off the BCPs, I can really notice the difference. I don't want to punch people in the head anymore! Yay for me! The Synarel is going well - no side effects, really. Sometimes I feel like the spray isn't big enough or something, but it probably is. AF came on Saturday - how funny is it that you need to ring up, announce your crimson tide to the nurse! "Yes, it IS a full flow!!" My next appt is Friday week. I sounded so happy on the phone to her - "To start stims??" (Uhh, yes) "Ok GREAT!! I'll see you then!" Truth is, I am excited. I love sniffing every 12 hours. Bring on the Gonal Gonad. I love being pro-active about my baby making escapades, instead of just dreaming/pining/aching about it. Terrified as well of - that's a given, isn't it? I'm starting to worry about Mr TCs sperm. Because I have to worry about SOMETHING.

Well, I finally made it onto Cyclesista. I seriously was starting to think I wasn't "allowed" to be on there!! Thank you, Lut!! Funny thing is - my real name went on there first, which I got all paranoid about (don't really know why - I just don't want anyone IRL to accidently find me). So after haranguing for so long, I had to get it changed. Topcat the pest. I have an unusual real name - they thought it was a pseudonym!

After the meeting in the jail yesterday, I had to use the visitors loo. I forgot to take a tampon in with me - there, sitting on top of the cupboard, was a brand new pack of pads. So I used one. Walked out, past the guards, sirens blaring, out through the scary maximum security walls ... I rang my sister, pissing myself laughing, choking on the words. She was laughing at me laughing. "What? What?" I finally managed to get it out - "I've got ..... I've got a PRISON PAD ON!!!" Laughing nutbags together. God I heart her.