Just quickly need to clarify something. The reason I said I didn't want uplifting comments on a recent post is because ... well, I keep getting so many uplifting comments. And it makes me embarrassed, and a bit "get over yourself, fucks sake." Because, ummm, I keep being in pain and writing it and you are all too nice, and I imagine a nasty person reading thinking oh, shut up already. You only want uplifting comments!
And it's not true - I mean, uplifting comments are very, very nice. Unreal, in fact. But, you know how, when your husband's got cancer, and you're minding 2 kids, how stressful that is. Well, I'm behind in commenting, and reading other peoples blogs, and I feel worried that all I do is take take take.
My plan is to FINALLY try get a google reader happening, get up to date with reading all the blogs I'm itching to read but too busy being all fucked up.
Because, it's nearly the end of chemo, and the end is triggering memories of the beginning of chemo, and spiral spiral spiral ........ I blog, and keep ending up with uplifting comments. And yes I'm over my childhood, but the scars that remain include a very big sense of "I'm not worthy".
You have all kept me propped up. (Props for Topcat!) And fuck me, you simply make me hate people less. Thank you for every. Single. Uplifting. Mofo. Comment.
It's midnight, I am so fucking tired. But I just love the night. I come alive, feel the safest, get my groove on.
Apparently my groove needs to go to sleep. Immediately.