Me: "But it sounds exactly like a donkey. Hee-haw!!"
Tiger: "Don't mum!"
Tiger: Pauses his game and looks at me sternly. "Stop it mum! You are being so annoying to me!"
I stopped, suitably chastened.
Monkeys cradle cap is DISGUSTING. My sister Tee tells me to put oil on it. I walk up to her with a can of spray cooking oil.
Me: Deadpan "Can you hold him, and I'll just spray this on his head."
She looked at me like WTF!!!! We pissed ourselves laughing.
After I SLATHER the guys head in oil, Mr TC gets him up after a nap.
Mr TC: "What the fuck have you done to him!"
I told him I put oil on his cradle cap.
Mr TC: "Oh, hon. You need to dry it out in the sunshine, not put oil on it!"
Me: "No, it's oil."
Mr TC: "Sun."
Mr TC: "Sun! Sun! Sun!"
Me: Grabbing Monkey, running away, desperately trying to get the last word. "Oil. Oil. Oil. La la la la la ..." Slams door.
Driving in the car ...
Mr TC: "Geez, I've got a few pimples."
Me: "I know, the chemo has given them to you. Looks a bit like acne."
(Mr TC is so proud about his appearance. He thinks for a moment.)
Mr TC: "Well. Look at your toe hairs!"
(It's true, for some ridiculous reason I used to shave my toe hair as a kid, and now it looks like pubes growing from my toes.)
Me: "Piss off!"
Mr TC: "Well you're telling me I'm an acne head! I'd blunt my razor on those toes of yours!"
My sister said my life is a sitcom.