Friday, 24 October 2008

36 Years Old and my Bedroom is a Disgrace to Humanity

Yes, this really is my bedroom. I am sooooooo together right now.

Once upon a time I wanted to get pregnant through IVF so I had this bright idea to google it, to see how the fuck it was done. Up came boring, medical, technical, shit ..... and, a blog. "A blog!" I thought. "Hmmmmm, how interesting." I clicked on, and started reading. It was M. Beautiful, wonderful M, whose story broke my heart. But I read and read and read ... for hours. Then I started clicking on other blogs, in her blogroll (which is why I think blogrolls are important) .... and then I'm like what! Omg! Sheee-iiiitttt!!!!!!! I read more and more of your stories, and like the true addict I will always be, I couldn't get enough. Television fell by the wayside. I would go to sleep at 2am.

Then, I really WAS going to do IVF, so I (so nervously) started one of my own. Then I started commenting .... and people started commenting on mine!!! Blogging is fucking outstanding ... specifically, women bloggers who are trying to build families. Or parent their children. Live good lives. In the early days of pioneering in Australia, it was very lonely for the womenfolk. It's such a harsh climate, they were very isolated, and missed their families back in England. So they would write to each other, write and write and write. Books have been published, of these womens letters, and the friendships and bonds they formed.

So, even though blogging is new, it is age-old .... this connecting.

Anyway, please bear with me, as I am belatedly entering M's Virtual World Tour. She asked if we could snap random pics of things around our house. Anything M asks, I will do. For she was my entryway into blogging, she is still trying to have a child, and I simply will not rest until she has one in her arms. Spirit owes me a few IOUs this year, and I've paid them forward onto her .... and others like her. Because infertility and loss is so not motherfucking fair, so not fair.

Tiger took this this morning, as we were about to leave on our walk. I walked him to school, which takes just under an hour each way. (It's only the second time I've ever done it. But Christ I feel better when I do!) ......

This is the view looking down our street .......

Mr TC made this rock stand upright, during landscaping. I was looking at it the other day, and said to him ... "You DO know that's your penis, right?" He had no idea what I was talking about, I thought about explaining phallic symbols, but couldn't be bothered ....

This is the bed I cried in last night, curled up. Thinking for SURE I would be off house hunting today.

This is the chair I was sitting in when Mr TC told me he had cancer. Worst conversation of my life .....

This is what happens when you make a carrot cake for your husband and stepson, and they leave it out all night so it goes rock hard, but then they throw a tea-towel on it so the icing sticks to the tea towel, and guess who is the prick that has to clean it up? ME ......

Here is my disgusting pantry. My heart feels heavy even looking at it. It's so unorganized ....

Here is a nice wedding pic. With the wedding cake topper - that's Tiger as a red-cheeked baby next to it ...

Lastly, my favourite painting. I bought it before I met Mr TC ... it's called "The Happy People." It's of a group of Hare Krishnas, dancing. The artists son died of a heroin overdose, she is aamzing ....

So. Click HERE for more participants.


Ok, so I just changed Monkeys nappy but I forgot to do it up properly after I changed it, so when I stood up, shit got flung everywhere. And I didn't just stand up, I sort of swung around so shit literally went flying across the room, but at least now I am laughing.

Eight years on, and there's still a whole lotta shit in my life. Heh.



Diana said...

Happy 8 years!!! I AM PROUD OF YOU!

bleu said...

Happy Sober Birthday!!! 8 years is fanfuckingtastick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad you made the choice and did the work to not end up one of the empties. I know a few and you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than that and have been a wonderful light in my life.

Thank you.

Stacie said...

Happy Birthday, my dear! 8 years is something to be proud of and celebrate! Woo to the double Whoo!

Vee said...


8 years and many more to come, congratulations! You're a champ girl !

Vacant Uterus said...

Happy eight years, WAHOO!!! You done good, girl. Real good! You are getting younger and better every single year.

Sisters of the unmade bed! True story: when I first married Sarge, I was ANAL about bed making. I made the bed every day. Would make it right before I got in it to sleep if I hadn't had a chance to do so before then. Sarge NEVER made the bed. Drove me batty for a while but eventually he converted me. Now the bed is never made and I could not care less!

Also, my pantry looks like that too.

My IRL friends sometimes think I am a little nuts when I talk about my friends inside the computer. But blogging really saw me through some of my darkest days...and still is. M. was one of my first finds too. I cannot tell you the party I will throw when she finally has that baby in her arms.

OHN said...

OHHHH TC..this is late but happy happy day.

I don't know if it will make you feel better or not but my bedroom and pantry are even worse than yours :)

As for the carrot cake, I would make them eat the rest of it for dinner tonight and hopefully crack a few teeth-shame on them for being men (the not having a clue part).

Wordgirl said...

Oh Topcat,

I meant what I said girl - I know sometimes for me the hardest thing was to hear people tell me how strong they thought I was when I just wanted someone to wrap their arms around me and let me be a vulnerable for just a little bit. Blogging has given me that space - to be vulnerable and its literally renewed my faith in people - a fucking miracle!

My heart is there with you TC - and it'd be no surprise to you that I have a messy pantry and clothes piled up on my floor on my side of the bed (which is unmade) -- and, if I can get away with it, dishes in the sink.

There's too much thinking to be done! Reading and exploring and musing -- screw the housework!

You are a kindred spirit - of that I have no doubt.

Congratulations my friend.



Lollipop Goldstein said...

Happy clean birthday!

I think my favourite shot was the carrot cake--simply because it is something I would do and then curse the cleaning.

Mrs M@sk said...

8 years, you go girl!

Thank for posting the pics. I always love having a sticky at your gorgeous property.


JJ said...

ROCK ON! Happy 8 years--you are one amazing chica!

Thanks for the tour=)

G said...

8 years, that's a long fucking time. Believe me, it's how long I have been married. You rock. Seriously. I am amazed at your strength.

And I dont see a fucking thing wrong with your pantry or your bed or your bedroom. Kindred spirits in housekeeping too!


Gemini Girl said...

You are 8 yrs old today! The day you started to put yourself first. And look at everything that has happened since- you found Mr TC, and had two beautiful sons.

You are a beautiful soul.

I will now send you a picture of my bedroom so that you can feel better about your own!

Marie said...

Ok, I am so pissed that you stole a pic of my bedroom and put it up on the internetz...:)

Happy Beautiful Birthday!!!!!!!

I would love to have that pantry and it would look just like that. That is the way you see everything doncha no?

PaleMother said...

Happy birthday, TC! This one is the real deal ... for *this* one, you did all the work. :)

Little did you know eight years ago when you made your choice that all these friends were here waiting for you. I am so thrilled that you are here now instead of there.

Love the rock. That's some serious chi. With chi like that, how can he fail?



MrsSpock said...

Happy 8 Years!!

My bedroom looks the same- pile of clean clothes that Mr S is griping about me not putting away, a pile of clothes that need to be posted on craigslist, and the perpetually unmade bed. I just don't have the balls to post it for the world to see. My husband calls me "Messy Marvin."

Me said...

Happy Clean Birthday.

(If there was no shit then you'd never know the joy of being clean.)

MrsSpock said...

I should add- it is NOT too late to start the cloth nappy thing. A lot of people start later. And at this stage, you can get away with just buying one size that will last until potty training.

vamplita said...


I wish you the happiest of birthdays! You deserve bliss. I am so very happy that I wandered onto your blog, because you and yours have had a positive impact on my life. I know that no matter what happens, I have wonderful bloggy friends like you who are there for me, even thousands of miles away. You're a rock, lady. Believe that. You have strength, and you are smart enough to understand that sometimes strength doesn't always mean doing things alone.

The gift you gave yourself eight years ago is a gift that keeps on giving - not just to you, but also to your hubby, your friends, and to your family. I bless the day you took that first step, because just look What TC Hath Wrought in a mere eight years! I love what you've done with your gift!

Thank you for sharing your gift with me. :)


battynurse said...

Happy clean birthday!! You are freaking amazing. Love the pics. Especially the phallic symbol in your front yard. So funny. Hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

Happy 8 years! Congrats!

Korechronicles said...

I am here from the VWT as well (Thanks M!) and even though my battles have been different, I have taken great inspiration from the courage and love that gets each of you through another day. Many, many Happy Returns for THIS momentous day, TC.

And the housekeeping? Bottom of my list most days too.

Betty Boop said...

Happy 8 clean years TC :) You are a bloody legend!

Now, when did you break into my house and take photos of my bedroom and pantry?

annacyclopedia said...

1. My room looks exactly like that except for the few times a year I clean it up.
2. If I had a pantry, I'm pretty sure it would look exactly like that. Organize, shmorganize.
3. This post made me cry, TC. The image of you walking home from Tiger's school weeping to Tori Amos - who among us has not done that? (well, not the school part, but you know what I mean...) There is something about that song that never fails to touch that part of me that really understands the harm I've done to myself. And it is so deeply sad to see all of that, but in that sadness there is so much clarity.
4. I am so stupidly grateful for that day 8 years and one day ago. Because you are a gift to the world and to me, TC. And you made a choice to make yourself new, and to keep making yourself new everyday, and I'm so thankful that I get to hear about it. Cause it helps me understand the parts of me that are identical to the the parts of you that you explain with such heart and wisdom and clarity. And especially the stuff about addiction - there is a thread of addiction and its consequences that run through my life, but it has taken a very different form than it has in your life, and I've never understood it very well. And you help me to understand it better. There are no words to say how good this feels.

To summarize: you are a fucking genius, TC, and I'm so glad you're my friend. Happy birthday!

Geohde said...

Happy clean birthday (belatedly, my apologies).

Your place is just gorge- untidy bedroom and all.


Heather said...

Congratulations on 8 years!! That's a huge accomplishment!! I hope one day we will also celebrate that milestone at our house!!

Carrie Ann said...

Happy Belated birthday!!! I loved the pics you posted. I don't make our bed either - unless company is coming over. I died laughing about the diaper - reminded me of a certain scene from Trainspotting. Hopefully the poop didn't actually get on you - or your face. Be very proud of yourself girl!