Panic at the Disco

I have exactly twelve minutes left in my computer battery. Pregnancy brain prevents me from finding my laptop cord. Thank GOD Monkey has just started kicking ..... hardly any movement all day seriously freaked me out. Am seeing doc tomorrow to officially book my c-section. Because tomorrow is May, and I appear to be having a baby in May.


Earlier this evening ...

Mr TC: (Upstairs on his computer) "Hon."
Me: (Downstairs making tomorrows lunches) "Yeah?"
Mr TC: "What's indisputable topcat?"
Me: Freezing. Heart pounding. Worlds colliding worlds colliding ... how did he find it?? "Ah, that's my blog."
Mr TC: "Your what? It's in my favourites. What is it?"
Me: (Cursing myself for being so careless.) "My blog ... like an IVF diary." Shit. Shit .... you'd think I'd been caught with a lover!!
Mr TC: Silence ..... nothing. Didn't even give a rats arse! As soon as I said the the three magic letters - IVF - he totally tunes out.


Ahhhhhhh, men.

Pics tomorrow I PROMISE. I have 2 minutes left ... can't wait to catch up on everyone then. xox

I is for Incredulous

We have put a single bed in the baby's room, so that if I'm up all night I can sleep in there and Mr TC can get some sleep in our bed ...

Mr TC: (Bouncing up and down on said bed, noticing how squeaky it is ..) "Well, it'll do. But we won't be able to root on it."

("Root" is Aussie slang for having sexual relations).

K is for Kermit would have loved it ...

So. Tired. Mr TC was a mofo trooper today, setting up the cot, single bed, picking up change table, bassinette ..... heaps. At one point I looked up, and just said "Hon, thank you so much for doing this." He knew I didn't just mean his help today .... I meant everything. Agreeing to have another child ... for going back on his decision to have no more, just for me.
Because he loves me, and I let him. It's taken many years to let him love me. I'm glad he broke through and got me. Such a cool thing, this marriage business. Especially when we're on the same page.


I loved Tiger first ... the most fierce and sudden kind of love that just turned my world around. This love I have for my hubbie has taken years to grow, and nurture, and realise. Lately, I have been thinking "Wow, well now I will love FOUR people." (My brother was the firstest.) And it has scared me. I never used to love anyone ... least of all myself. If you don't love, you won't get hurt. Simple!! But how lonely and sad!!

So soon, there will be four people who I love so definitely, so intently and unconditionally. So much so, that I can't bear the thought of something happening to any of them. Freaks me out. I often think about how dreadful it would be to lose the ones you love ... while it helps me to live in the moment, it really is a bit stressful!


Today, me and Tiger and Mr TC went out for lunch. Mr TC took a photo of Tiger and I standing in autumn leaves (embryo transfer was spring! It's now autumn! Woo-hoo!!) We were driving home in the ute, turned this corner .... and there was the most amazing, vibrant rainbow I have ever seen in my life. We all gasped. Then ........... U2 came on the radio!! The 80's Bono with the long hair was belting out "Where the Streets Have No Name" - arguably the finest song ever written. Mr TC knows my belief that whenever a U2 song comes on randomly, it is Universes way of letting me know that everything is as it should be. He blasted it SO loud, we drove towards the perfect rainbow and parked the car, by then I was wiping away my tears. It was the whole arc, all the colours. If we had a shovel we could have dug for the pot of gold. But we didn't need to.


Oh - and I had my camera with me!!!! First is me and lil guyo ...




Second .... isn't it amazing!! Mr TC and Tiger are in the ute ...


Third .... so vibrant. See the bird, over at the left? It flew the whole rainbow ... it's nearly at the end. It means that Monkey will be here soon ...

And lastly, just for fun .... every time I upload my pics, Tiger had grabbed the camera and taken a random photo. Sometimes of the garbage bin, or the back of my head when I don't know. He must have liked his dinner last week!! :)


I just ate a tomato - a whole tomato, grown in our veggie garden. It's 11.17pm, and I'm up eating tomatoes. I'm SO going to bed right now.
xoxoxoxxo

H is for Happy 1st Bloggy Birthday!

I have just logged on, to 'quickly' blog todays post. To thank my lovely Tee for her wonderful words ... she made both me and Rex get a bit teary!!! It was such a horrible, difficult part of our lives ... our crazy insanity got us through, a lot of the time. Literally - we all went crazy.

After the Infamous Depeche Mode Outcast Sister Episode .... Tee didn't speak to Rex for over 2 weeks!! Bear in mind, they shared a bedroom together, that was just two futons smooshed together so that you'd peek in the door to find a sea of bed. Rex was spewing, saying why is Tee talking to me, but not her. (I would LOVE it when they fought, because they would both want to hang around me. I swear - one of these days I have the biggest post about being the younger sibling of same-sex twins. The dynamics!!)

You write well, Tee. Having both of my sisters in my life - as my bestest mates I could say anything too, is one of my recoverys biggest gifts. I love them.

Hey guess what - HAPPY BLOGGERVERSARY TO ME!!! Exactly a year ago, I wrote this. One day soon I will read my whole blog all at once ... maybe then, what has happened will sink in. I think, for so many years I was used to Mr TCs vasectomy and the impossibilty of falling pregnant. That's probably why it's been so hard to accept that I AM.

So, lastly ..... ahem, ummmmmm ....... I have felt weird all day, am hobbling around because I can't walk properly, and I have just had the biggest longest cramp. It went for over 10 seconds. I thought "Holy shit! This is it! We'll have to go to hospital!!" My tummy keeps feeling hard. I'm off to google symptoms of going into labour. And, how to take care of a newborn. And, umm, what baby stuff you need when you bring a newborn home.

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Update - Ok, it's been a while now, and things seem to have settled down. I'm going to bed. However - for WEEKS now, I have been telling Mr TC I reckon this baby is going to come early. Just a feeling I have. Looks like it's not tonight. Lucky tomorrow is designated nursery-setting-up day!! :)

R is for Random thoughts from Tee...

Hey all!,

Topcat has asked me to blog on her behalf in case she can't break into an unprotected wireless neighbour up at the MILs. I must say it's an honour...

So there's a standing joke amongst me, Topcat and Rex, called Outcast Sister. Around 18 years ago, we were all living together with mum and our lil bro, the stepfather sui*cide crisis was still fresh and none of us were coping particularly well. (As an aside, me and Rex are twins as you know, and were always extremely close growing up to the point of ostracising all and sundry in our path, and unfortunately poor little Topcat bore the brunt of that. We were brutal, horrible to her, it's the one thing in my life that I am most ashamed of.) Anyway, me and Rex were fighting ALOT around this time (perhaps could have had something to do with the fact of us freshly moving back in with the mother and sharing a bedroom which provided us with an inch of privacy between us). SO, one day after work Rex decides to spontaneously to go and see a Depeche Mode concert and gets hold of Topcat (back in those days no mobile (cell) phones) but couldn't get hold of me so they just bugger off to this concert without me. I make the 2 hour journey home by public transport only to find that I was totally the outcast sister. The bastards had left me behind, to deal with the little boy lost and the drunk wonder.

I was FUMING!

Shit am in an airport lounge and have just been called to the plane. Gotta speed this up.

My point is, the sisters joked about this for years, still joke about it. I can now take the joke (come on, it has been 18 years after all). But Topcat was the outcast sister for around 20 years before that.

How sorry I am my sweet...

How much I missed..

How much I'm loving making up for it now...

Hoe much I look forward to all of our futures together.


Love ya
Tee xoxoxo

T is for Tidbits

For someone who has been gestating for 36 weeks now, I sleep like a dead man. Hubbie reckons I have started snoring, heh heh. I have a system in order ... I go to bed with a pillow on either side of me, so I can roll over onto each of them. But I'm sleeping so heavily I barely even roll over. It's like my body knows to get all the sleep while it still can, because for the next two years - forget it. I awoke this morning with Tiger next to us ... he's going through an "I'm scared" phase. I must confess ... I LOVE co-sleeping. However, at 6 and a half years old, Tiger can certainly kick pretty hard. Can't believe I slept through it.

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Mr TC has been just so lovely. I've been really mindful of not wanting or needing too much from him this whole time I have been pregnant. He knows it, too. Yesterday morning, when I was all withdrawn and silent, he just kept pressing and pressing me to see what was wrong.

Mr TC: "What do you need, hon? What can I do to make you feel better?"
Me: Sniffling "Well, I just feel lonely. And we need .... baby stuff. I'm doing all the baby stuff a-lone ..." Pathetic wail.
Mr TC: "Like what? What baby stuff?"
Me: "Well, umm, a carseat. Sniffle. And - and baby wipes ..." Crumpled pathetic cry.

Seriously. So ridiculous it's funny.

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Last night, I went to bed ... and, after some marital hanky-panky, I brazenly whipped out Tigers Nintendo DS, to play Mario Bros. Mr TC was like, are you seriously shitting me or what? Are you for real????

Attaching my iPod earphones, I said mate, I'm on World 5. Do you know how hard I've worked to get here?? I'm not hurting anyone - look at all the worse things I could be doing. (I did feel like a bit of an idiot, though.) He shrugged, turned over, and went to sleep.

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Mr TC is on STRICT INSTRUCTIONS to stop wincing when he sees my belly. He told me he only does it because it looks like I'm in pain. I said I wasn't, but sometimes I feel like I need more support around my lower belly.

Mr TC thinks for a moment. "I can make you a shelf. With scaffolding."

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He told me that, out of all his kids, he was most looking forward to the birth of this one!!!! (Which was so lovely it led to said aforementioned hanky panky.

THE END.

Oh ... one more thing - apparently we are going to Mr TCs mums house after all. We might stay 1 night, or 2 ... it depends how we (I) go. But, the thought of cooking no meals, going to the movies every day, and having one last swim before winter comes, was just too attractive.

I'm taking my computer with me, and will try to hack into one of the neighbors wireless networks.

Upcoming blog posts include ....

* Belly shots - probably taken next Tuesday, after I get my hair done. (Vain turd that I am)
* Nursery photos!! (For you, GG)
* Thoughts on still being in disbelief that the embryo that got transferred last year on 1/9/07 seems to have resulted in pregnancy. Which will very soon result in a baby. (omg)
* Various random musings.

G is for Grateful

Last year, a day before my big scary amnio, I bumped into a woman who I kind of know from around town but not really. She's pretty and blonde, and we realised we were both pregnant. So we get chatting. I was around 8 weeks more pregnant than her. She had already had two kids, I started telling her all about the amnio fiasco and how shit scared I was. I remember she said "Oh my God, I can't imagine having an amnio. That's horrible." (I agreed).

Anyway, I haven't seen her since. Today I was reading the local paper, and there in the death section was the most heartbreaking news. She had her baby two weeks ago, a little girl who lived for 29 hours. I don't even know this woman very well ... I just know how excited she was to be pregnant again. No-one deserves to go through things like this. I just don't understand.

I had been having a lousy day, until Mr TC rang and told me he was coming home to pick Tiger up so that I could go do an AA meeting. (Unheard of). And, he sent an apprentice home to start painting the babys room. Mr TC hates the colour I chose .... I think it looks wonderful. (It's called Silver Snow, a really light, fresh pale green).

I have nothing to complain about today. Absolutely nothing.

S is for Surreal ...

...... I just finished hanging my washing out to dry in front of the fire. Nothing unusual about that ... except the adorable onesies, teeny socks, and divine new bodysuits (thanks Tee!!) all hanging on the rack.

Goodness gracious.

We have exactly thirty more sleeps to go until touchdown, unless Monkey decides to come early. Lately, in the brief moments between sleep and awake, I have seriously freaked out. But now I feel much more calm about it.

I once read somewhere that for a woman to have a baby; she must go down, down, into the underworld. I think I'm on my way. It's scarily delicious.

Q is for Quickie ...

Quickie post, that is :)

Watching Greys Anatomy with Tee and Mr TC tonight, and seeing the doctor cut through a stomach with a scalpel. In the ad, I muted the tv and turned to them both.

Me: "So, in a caesarean, do they cut with a scalpel, or a laser?"
Tee: "A scalpel."

Me: "Really? I thought it was a laser."

Tee: "Yeah, right. Are you having Star Wars surgery? Is Luke Skywalker your doctor? Make sure you have your light sabre with you!!"

Tee and I are howling with laughter, Mr TC is shaking his head on the couch, trapped between crazy women.

F is for Frivolity

The cousins .... Tiger is top left, clockwise is Tee's son, then Rex's daughter and son, then Tee's daughter. All jumping together on the trampoline today ...








.... Tiger at the park. How amazing is Tees new camera. See the leaves in the background? The cold is here, and it's name is autumn ....




... the three ratbags. Tee, me and Rex. Tee has asked me to make mention of her scarf ... she knitted it herself. And her leather jacket. Now she will obsessively check the comments.




Such a great day today. Mr TC is down in Sydney doing a course for 2 days. When the cat's away, the mice do play. (Or, the mice do 'f*ck all', as Tee eloquently puts it.)

Rex arrived first yesterday. Within 5 minutes, I had dragged her into the babys room to show off the new pram - she starts screaming. I thought wow, she must really love this pram! Then she points to the HUNTSMAN SPIDER climbing up the wall. I. Hate. Spiders. Severely. Phobic. Rex runs out of the room. I said all of my words in one sentence ..."Pleasedon'tleavemeherealonelikethis...." Rex was like a fireman - she ran into the burning room, grabs me, and hauls me out bravely. Hysterical laughter followed ....

I have to go pick up the takeaway for dinner. The kids got cheese on toast - we get gourmet Japanese. That's a fair deal.

xox

S is for Sexyback

Last night I had a dream that the babies leg had poked out from the amniotic sac and was dangling down on top of my leg. It was like a trousersnake .... just call me Justin.

I also dreamt the baby was a BOY. Oooooh, the suspenders is killing me!

I can't write much ... BOTH of my sisters are coming up to stay. They both have 2 kids each - a girl first, then a boy. So I need to make sure all the beds are organised, etc. And mentally prepare for the ongoing hilarity that is sure to ensue.

We all sound the same .... loud, boisterous, and maniacal. F*ck it's funny. I love how they are both my best mates now. I will be sure to take lots of pics, and post them. (If they let me). We look alike too - I mean, of course they do, as they're identical twins. They have blonde hair ... I have red hair ... I wear glasses ... when people say "Ooooh, you all look alike!" I often say "Yes, but I'm taller. And better."

They were born in 1969 - no ultrasounds back then. Our mother found out she was having twins a few hours before they were born. No shit. No c-section - Tee was born first, and then Rex came out about 6 minutes later. In a country town .. they were quite the celebrities. Mum actually started the first Twin Club there, I think.

Anyhoo, hold on to your hats. My crazy sisters are coming to town.

xox

H is for Head Miles

It's ok ..... don't worry about a THING. Because, I have been up since 3am this morning, doing all the worries for the whole world. Seriously - I've done all your worrying for you today. Have today off.

It's nearly 7am, and I've come a full circle. The answers are: I'm not in control of everything anyway; pray more; things will happen as they will - and all the worry in the world won't make one bit of difference!

I was PANICKING. About heaps of stuff, that, in the cold light of day, don't seem as utterly terrifying. It's funny how everything seems so much more serious at 3'o'clock in the morning!

I went to bed - no, hobbled to bed, certain I had brought on early labour. I was having strange pains, and the baby seemed to have "dropped" down into my pelvic area. Freakout city man ... even Mr TC was alarmed. I started thinking .... but I'm not ready yet!! I need to get the room sorted, mentally prepare myself, buy a baby monitor/carseat/book on breastfeeding.

Sometimes, the enormity of being so preggers hits me really hard and freaks me out - how will a baby affect my marriage? What if it's too stressful? Kissing my sleep goodbye ..... how gorgeous and wonderful and magic a newborn is, but by God I won't sleep again for two years. (Tiger woke every three hours for the first year.) Can I keep working?

And the big thing lately ... stepson is up to his tricks again. Taking his mums friends car for a joyride, mucking up at school, telling his boss to fuck off and losing his job ..... his mum says she just can't handle him anymore. Which leads me to wonder - does he expect to come back here? He can't! I can't handle him right now, I have enough. If he moved back I would move out. Shit - would I really?? Ahhhhhh!!

So. Here I am. It's nearly 7.30 and I'm soooo tired. I believe a nap is in order - oh, my tummy is back to normal now. So it looks like Monkey won't be coming today. I feel better, having filled all of my worrying quota for the next week at least.

:)

D is for Dumb

New rule when you are a day off 35 weeks pregnant :

DON'T STACK WOOD FROM THE WOODPILE!!!!!! SHEEEIIIIITTT!!!!!!!!

I'm actually quite worried. My tummy is SO hard, and sore and weird. I can't even write much, because I'm not getting up to get my laptop cord and the battery is about to die.

Mr TC was at the gym, we just got a load of firewood, and it was about to rain. Should have just let it rain on the fucker.

Adios for now.

T is for Tongue Scraper

Short Version: I have words with mommy dearest, and have a check-up with the stinkiest doctor in the world.


I was a bit of a softcock, and didn't actually tell mum I didn't want her here after Monkey is born. (Monkey is born?? WTF!!) .... she was too busy crying after I told her how much her recent comments (re. getting my sister Tee to 'help' wash baby clothes, get room ready, etc.) affected me. I told her ... really nicely, that I felt upset that she would get Tee involved, it severely triggered my core issues around being useless and 'stupid'. Mum called me stupid most days when I was growing up - last night on the phone she told me that was my 'perception' of how things were. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So that's it - I give up. I'm not even cranky. But things with her are going to go back to being as distant and vague as I can. I will email her in a few weeks to say I don't want her here for a while. I don't really care that much - whatever. I'm actually not surprised.


So. Today I met with the doctor who's doing the c-section. In 35 sleeps!! I hereby officially rename him, from Dr Eyelashes to Dr STINKY. I had the appointment at the hospital, had Tiger with me. We walked in to his office, sat down, he shuts the door .... oh the stench!! The room was full of a thousand bad breaths. Swear to God, he put the Hal in Halitosis. Fuck it was disgusting. All I could think was, I'm breathing in the atoms of the rotting food wedged between this pricks molars.

He asked questions:


How was I feeling? Great. Get me out of here.

Anything of interest to tell him? Nope. Get me out of here.

Did I have any questions? Nope. Get me out of here.


Suddenly, I realise poor Tiger is sitting, smooshed up against the wall, his hands covering his nose and mouth. His eyes pleading with me - Get me out of here!


I started laughing, and Tiger started laughing. He then starts making "Poo, stinky" signals wih his hands. When the doctor was looking down, writing notes in my file, I would pull my own "something stinks" face. I scrunch my lips as close to my nose as I possibly can. (I discovered I could block out smells this way when I was in a phone box with Mr TC and he lays the most putrid fart.)

Tiger knows exactly what this face means, and starts cracking up even more. Below is a pic of my nephew Tomcat ... Tees son, demonstrating my "something stinks" face ....

Finally, Dr Stinky opens his office door and we were free, free I tell you. Walking down the corridor, a very relieved Tiger turns to me and says "You SERIOUSLY need to get a new doctor."

On c-section day, I'm considering sending Mr TC into the operating theatre with a pack of chewing gum in his pocket, to thoughtfully share around.

T is for Topcats To-Do List ...

1. Hire out Men in Black DVD for Tiger (he is on school holidays)

2. Make an effort on cleaning the house. Great thing about marrying a builder is he builds a 5-bedroom, 2-storey, 2-bathroomed dreamhouse. Drawback is CLEANING THE F*CKER.

3. Make macaroni and cheese for dinner

4. Call mother and, in a calm and rational way, have a conversation about how her recent comments affected you and triggered a lot of childhood shit, and you don't want her to come and stay with you after your baby is born because you can't relax when she's around

5. Send out emails to get an article commissioned

6. Try and bend down to reach toenails to paint them



........ ummmmmm, that's it. Will post the aftermath tomorrow. xo

H is for Hiccup

Short and sweet this morning ... I am at Tees house, it's 7am, her and Mr TC are going over her extension plans ... that sort of thing bores the hell out of me, so I'm sneakily on her computer, typing silently. If Mr TC saw me he would say "What the f*ck are you typing on a Sunday morning???" I swear he must think I have an innernet lover or something ....

Hiccups. I CAN'T STAND WHEN THE BABY GETS THE HICCUPS. Grosses me out. I have to walk around and try to ignore them. It's like, someone is dragging their fingernails down a blackboard. Gives me the creeps. The other night, I was lying in bed and the baby had the biggest case of hiccups EVER. I was tossing and turning, willing it to stop. Finally Mr TC asks what the hell was wrong.

"The baby has the hiccups and it's DISGUSTING."

Silence. Then he pipes up .....

"F*ck you're weird sometimes".

G is for Green Eyed Monster

Plucking my chinhairs in the rear view mirror of my car this morning, I got to thinking. I'd had a particularly brief dream last night, involving Gwyneth Paltrow, who was about to fall pregnant. I woke up, with lingering feelings of jealousy. That she could just decide, and get pregnant, just like that.

I also realised ..... I see a pregnant belly in the street - and I feel jealous!! WTF, man. I'm 34 weeks myself, how crazy is that. I think it's been so inbuilt in me now for quite a few years, maybe it's entrenched and I'll always get a pang when I notice a pregnant woman?

Some women are definitely more 'showy' about it than others .... belly rubbing, an aura around them that they want you to look and notice their gestationary situation. (Actually, I fear I was a bit like that with Tiger. "Look at moi look at moi!!") ...

Sometimes I think I better hurry up and enjoy being pregnant ..... revel in it, don't let all the moments escape. But I find myself hiding my bump a lot. I HATE people staring at me, except when it's on my terms. I especially hate middle aged men looking at me like I'm some sort of freak. "Fuck off!!" I want to shout. "This is what you're mum looked like with YOOUUUU."

Ummmm, perhaps I'm a bit hormonal??

Anyway, I thought all this and didn't realise that the traffic light had turned green, and the people behind me weren't even beeping. They were too busy LAUGHING at the FREAK plucking her chin hairs in traffic.

*sigh*

Will I ever get some class?

P is for Perambulator

Today, I was nowhere near all that misery I used to wallow in. Today, I know that miracles and magic exist in the world. Today, my husband locked me out of the house because I was so revoltingly gassy, it was putrid. I collapsed in fits of laughter at the front door, and promised I would stop farting just LET ME IN or I will wet myself. Today I got my brand new stroller delivered by courier because I did IVF and got pregnant and the baby is coming soon. We all rejoiced in the brand new charcoal and red beautifulness of our purchase. Fuck I'm so blessed.

P is for Picture

Mr TC, Tiger, stepson and I ......

That's it. That's all I got. xox

S is for Sign Language

Today I worked my arse off, writing a whole article all in one day. I was determined to finish at 3.30pm to claim my reward. Chocolate? No. Trashy mags? Nup. Facial? Nuh-uh. (Although God knows I need one BADLY.)

My reward, was a viewing of Monkey! I was SO excited. I remember sitting in that exact same spot almost a year ago, waiting to get a lining ultrasound, to get the go-ahead to start fertility treatment. I ached, (as I had for the past four years) wondering if it all would work; wondering if I would ever get the chance to come back for an obstetric ultrasound.

So you can imagine my disappointment at the very hurried, dismissive technician who did the scan. Lying there, she just clicked and zoomed so quickly, and silently. I couldn't make out anything at all on the screen - there was no chance of finding out the sex, even if I wanted too! Is Monkey ok? "Yes." Is that the cord? "Yes." Does everything seem ok? "I don't know yet, I haven't measured the baby's head." COW.

She did tell me that Monkey is measuring a week ahead! Gettin bigger every day! I thought she redeemed herself at the end, by offering to burn all the pics to disc. I raced home, and out of around 50 pics, there's two where you can actually make something out. Maybe she was having an off day. Maybe I should just shut the f*ck, I'm pregnant already so just be grateful. But you'd think that she could spend an extra 30 seconds to try to take a nice pic.

So here's the two. The first one is kinda cool .... if you tilt your head to the right, you can see Monkeys face profile -

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This second one is Monkeys hand -



Can you see it? Clear as day ..... Monkey is holding up a thumb and index finger. In the shape of an 'L' .... aka Ace Ventura. Monkey is calling the ultrasound technician a loser. That's my baby.

xoxoxoxox

W is for Wabbit Season

I can't sew. Not even a button. I knitted a brown scarf for Mr TC - it took me a year. My sister Tee had to finish it for me, as I had lost all desire and patience. Mr TC never wears it .... too scratchy, he says. Scratchy for his marshmallow-soft George Michael neck. Heh heh.

Tee has already crocheted Monkey the most exquisite blankie. And knitted a brightly-coloured, funky pair of 70's overalls.

Lately, she has been working on a baby rattle, in the shape of a rabbit. Sounds innocent and cute enough. This morning she phoned me and asked if I had seen the pic she emailed to me, of her finished handiwork. I was online, so I checked as I was talking to her. In the middle of our conversation, I loaded the image of the rabbit rattle she had painstakingly sewed. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. She knew what I was laughing at, and joined me in the raucousness.

I have always had the biggest, loudest laugh out of anyone I know. My friends at school would get embarressed, and tell me to either shoosh up or they would run away. Usually, my laugh makes other people laugh, because it's just so darn ridiculous. I can't help it - I was born that way.

Anyway, back to the rabbit .... both of us gasping for air, Tee (mockingly) took offence; told me she would send it to her new nephew instead. I said no, no - I love it, I just was expecting something - different. Something white and frilly and flouncy.

Tee says, "When have I ever made anything white and frilly and flouncy??"

Here's the wabs for your viewing pleasure ...... what do you think?

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H is for Hilarious 80's Party Photos

Well. I believe these photos will speak for themselves. There was a Madonna, the 3 Amigoes, an aerobics instructor, Billy Idol, Gordon Gecko, Blues Brothers, and breakdancers.

Mr TC was George Michael. (He wrote Wham on his T-shirt, but his jacket covered the W. So it spelt Ham. I kept saying it was making me hungry.)

I'm not sure what I was .... a vision in blue. Not much fits an 8 month pregnant belly.

Ummmmmm - did I mention it was a karaoke party? And that I do NOT need alcohol to have a good time? First I sang a solo ... Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby". Then I did a duet with a friend - we sang Foreigners "I Wanna Know What Love Is." I turned to him after looking at the pics on my camera, and said "Can I post these on my top secret blog?" He said "Of course." Didn't bat an eyelid.

(I really need to do something about my shyness ...........)

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R is for Random Pic of a Beckoning Woman ...

I'm running so late. Mr TC is currently shaving his week-long stubble into a very 80's George Michael style. He is shouting at me "What are you doing! Why are you on the computer NOW??"

Ooops ..... I guess I could tell him it's for NaBloPoMo. Wouldn't that start the questions!

I need to go shower, then I have a date with some blue eyeshadow.

I leave you with a photo I took a few years ago, of a lady swimming in Clovelly Beach, Sydney. I was there with my sister Rex and her family. I saw this amazing woman - her swimming cap was just CRAZY, multi-coloured and cool. She was beckoning to these three young girls to come into the water with her. They all had long hair, and reminded me so much of me, Rex and Tee as kids when we were living in Fiji. She was like this wise old sage, I was transfixed by her and didn't know why.

A is for Awakening

I feel deliciously, silently excited. Booked an ultrasound for Tuesday, only 5 more sleeps and I can't wait. I told Mr TC that I want him and Tiger there too, and promised that I will tell the technician that we really, really don't want to know the sex. We've come so far, it would be a shame to spoil the surprise now, but I might be able to tell anyway! (Part of me is DYING to know).

It's the oddest thing. I suddenly feel like I have just found out that I'm pregnant. Amazing that, months ago, I was sweating on implantation. And now, the size of the tiny embie that implanted - is smaller than Monkeys toenail. The Universe is incredible.

Sore Finger + Friendly Doctor = Obstetric Ultrasound

Don't you love it when you go to the doctors for a sore finger .... and walk out with an ULTRASOUND REFERRAL. Yes! I get to see Monkey again, for the first time in 15 weeks!! I haven't booked an appointment for it yet. I feel so relieved. I still haven't, in all of this time, truly, really felt and believed that I will be bringing a baby home. My stupid fears and worries get in the way. Especially when Monkey kicks and twirls around in there, and I get so worried about him/her getting tangled up in the cord.



I went to the local GP to get my finger looked at, it's very sore and swollen so of course I believe it to be the onset of arthritis. He was so nice, said that it's probably fluid retention from being pregnant (d'oh! of course!) ... and it should go back to normal. Also, I broke that finger in Year 6, so it's had previous damage. So sitting in his office, chatting away to the doc, I confessed my concerns about Monkey and how I wish I could have a scan ... and voila! With a flourish he'd scribbled out a referral. He was embarrassed at how grateful I was!



Last night, me, Tiger and Mr TC were eating dinner. Now, as soon as I start eating these days, Monkey goes apeshit (ha - get it) and starts doing a freaking breakdance. Takes after Mr TC already!! During dinner I said "Ohhhhhh, man ..... seriously, it feels like a fish flipping around in a bucket." Mr TC visibly blanched, put down his fork and told me to stop turning him off his dinner. Tiger pisses himself laughing, saying "You're the bucket mum!! If the baby is the fish, then you're the bucket!! HA HA HA YOU'RE THE BUCKET." I laughed maniacally with him. It's like dinner at the freaking Simpsons sometimes.



So we have the beginnings of a baby room taking shape. I have bags and bags of baby clothes to wash and start putting away. I have had a bouncer, baby bjorn, bath, bassinette, and a cot (thank you, Rex!!) .... all given to me. So basically all the baby items, we haven't paid a cent for, which I remind Mr TC constantly. The only thing is, I wanted a new pram, and a new baby carseat. Did I mention you get paid for having a baby in Australia? $4267 (I know, weird number. But hey - free money!) Last year before even looking in to IVF, I promised that money to Mr TC, on the condition that he goes overseas with a mate. I wanted him to still feel "free", because I know that - well, he had the snip and was finished with babymaking forever. Until his wife's clucking got so loud, it drowned out all other voices and he agreed. I will never know what it's like for a man to beg me to have his babies, but, so what? I'm not complaining. I have everything I want/need. My latest pregnancy ailment is a sore FINGER, for Christs sake. I know how lucky I am.



Anyway, so after looking in 10 million pram shops and not being satisfied with any of them, I found it on the net, shining like a beacon of hope. The most shiniest, newest, coolest, lightest pram in all the world. At a mere $500. I know that's a lot of money - but we haven't spent a cent on a fully furnished baby room. Mr TC was trying to talk me into a second-hand navy Mountain Buggy which was 5 years old. I watched his lips moving as he talked about how great it was .... all I thought was "We are SO getting the Maclaren." Umm, I appear to have slipped and shown how shallow I am .... moving right along ...



Actually, that's it. I love this daily blogging. Todays letter is P - for the Picture of the new Pram ... for the new baby, that's apparently headed our way in a mere 40+ sleeps. I'll believe it when I see it.



xoxox

30 posts in 30 days ... yes, I have signed on to NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month ... even though it's American and I live in Australia.) Blogging daily .... see, Gemini Girl!! I figure what the hell - I may as well, while I still have the time.

Mr TC and Tiger got back yesterday, from their jaunt across the country. I had 4 nights of bliss, stretched out in the bed, slept in til 9.30 every morning, met up with friends, worked in my friends vintage clothing shop on Sunday, ate pizza and chocolate til I was sick, and watched the entire 6th series of Scrubs on DVD.

One amazing thing happened .... I wasn't even scared .... that there was a murderer in the roof, that I'm not earning enough money, that the spiders would sense I was alone and come and attack me. Actually, I felt very self-sufficient and, well, tough. I can border on being a bit co-dependant on Mr TC, but quite frankly, this sister was doin it for herself. And loving it.

This months NaBloPoMo theme is 'letters', so, ummm ..... D is for the Due Date that Dr Eyelashes EXTENDED during the worlds quickest prenatal check up this morning. He smells like tobacco and vomit, every time. I can still smell it in my hair. Anyway, apparently when you have a planned c-section they cut you open at 39 weeks. I was told 13th May at first, but now he reckons the 20th May. I'll be 39 weeks and 5 days, instead of 38 weeks and 5 days. I don't mind, I just really, really would like a healthy baby. I'm off to google Gemini's, instead of Taureans.

See you tomorrow!!

xoxoxox