It's ok ..... don't worry about a THING. Because, I have been up since 3am this morning, doing all the worries for the whole world. Seriously - I've done all your worrying for you today. Have today off.
It's nearly 7am, and I've come a full circle. The answers are: I'm not in control of everything anyway; pray more; things will happen as they will - and all the worry in the world won't make one bit of difference!
I was PANICKING. About heaps of stuff, that, in the cold light of day, don't seem as utterly terrifying. It's funny how everything seems so much more serious at 3'o'clock in the morning!
I went to bed - no, hobbled to bed, certain I had brought on early labour. I was having strange pains, and the baby seemed to have "dropped" down into my pelvic area. Freakout city man ... even Mr TC was alarmed. I started thinking .... but I'm not ready yet!! I need to get the room sorted, mentally prepare myself, buy a baby monitor/carseat/book on breastfeeding.
Sometimes, the enormity of being so preggers hits me really hard and freaks me out - how will a baby affect my marriage? What if it's too stressful? Kissing my sleep goodbye ..... how gorgeous and wonderful and magic a newborn is, but by God I won't sleep again for two years. (Tiger woke every three hours for the first year.) Can I keep working?
And the big thing lately ... stepson is up to his tricks again. Taking his mums friends car for a joyride, mucking up at school, telling his boss to fuck off and losing his job ..... his mum says she just can't handle him anymore. Which leads me to wonder - does he expect to come back here? He can't! I can't handle him right now, I have enough. If he moved back I would move out. Shit - would I really?? Ahhhhhh!!
So. Here I am. It's nearly 7.30 and I'm soooo tired. I believe a nap is in order - oh, my tummy is back to normal now. So it looks like Monkey won't be coming today. I feel better, having filled all of my worrying quota for the next week at least.