Thursday, 17 April 2008

H is for Head Miles

It's ok ..... don't worry about a THING. Because, I have been up since 3am this morning, doing all the worries for the whole world. Seriously - I've done all your worrying for you today. Have today off.

It's nearly 7am, and I've come a full circle. The answers are: I'm not in control of everything anyway; pray more; things will happen as they will - and all the worry in the world won't make one bit of difference!

I was PANICKING. About heaps of stuff, that, in the cold light of day, don't seem as utterly terrifying. It's funny how everything seems so much more serious at 3'o'clock in the morning!

I went to bed - no, hobbled to bed, certain I had brought on early labour. I was having strange pains, and the baby seemed to have "dropped" down into my pelvic area. Freakout city man ... even Mr TC was alarmed. I started thinking .... but I'm not ready yet!! I need to get the room sorted, mentally prepare myself, buy a baby monitor/carseat/book on breastfeeding.

Sometimes, the enormity of being so preggers hits me really hard and freaks me out - how will a baby affect my marriage? What if it's too stressful? Kissing my sleep goodbye ..... how gorgeous and wonderful and magic a newborn is, but by God I won't sleep again for two years. (Tiger woke every three hours for the first year.) Can I keep working?

And the big thing lately ... stepson is up to his tricks again. Taking his mums friends car for a joyride, mucking up at school, telling his boss to fuck off and losing his job ..... his mum says she just can't handle him anymore. Which leads me to wonder - does he expect to come back here? He can't! I can't handle him right now, I have enough. If he moved back I would move out. Shit - would I really?? Ahhhhhh!!

So. Here I am. It's nearly 7.30 and I'm soooo tired. I believe a nap is in order - oh, my tummy is back to normal now. So it looks like Monkey won't be coming today. I feel better, having filled all of my worrying quota for the next week at least.



Chas said...

I'm glad to hear that your belly is back to a normal pregnant state. Keep us informed!

Fertilized said...

It's a wonder our minds survive ... With all the worry I have done recently about my gtt test and now confirming what i only knew would happen ... I am pissed that I was worried and now right ...

You are so close- things will work themselves out - we can handle this - We are strong Women (w'ell you are WAY stronger than myself) i look up to your amazing strength

Geohde said...

You don't have some worry quota left spare? Darn! I'm going to be busy all day now ;)


Angie said...

Good to hear from you. Glad things are back to normal- belly wise.

Gemini Girl said...

Hope all stays well in baby land.

Stop worrying (easier said than done)!

You are an awesome mom, your marriage will be fine (eventually) and no- you will not have any sleep. None. Or maybe thats just me since I have twins? Who knows.

I do know that it is natural to worry so much, esp afte ivf. In the most relaxe state possible, start getting your nursery/ car seat/ and whatever else you need. This next month will fly by!

Stacie said...

Hugs to you...telling you to stop that worrying isn't going to help, so I will distract you with something else. I had to go to work today to sign some papers and made it all the way back home before I realized that my zipper was down (and you could totally see my undies!). Wouldn't have been such a big deal had I not stopped at the grocery store and the pharmacy, too. Sigh. I told my mom (who was here watching the babies) that she is now instructed to scrutinize me from head to toe before I leave the house. :-) Love ya!

Stacie said...

Oh, and this totally explains the interesting looks I got all day. Dirty old men and women!